


Trapped

by Ryuko_Shepard8



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Romance, Shameless Smut, Threesome - F/M/M, polyamorous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-04-06 15:32:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 52,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14060001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryuko_Shepard8/pseuds/Ryuko_Shepard8
Summary: AU, where the humans have lost the first contact war and have to be forced into slavery. Jane is bought by Saren, war hero and a Spectre. He's harsh, but she's too afraid of him to run away. She's trapped.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Story prompt from Mass Effect Kink Meme XXI page 4, under Saren/Human Slave- au

 Chained. Just like the others around her, she had a collar around her neck and she was chained to the wall. Her clothes were nothing more than ripped pieces of fabric, she was not given shoes. It was dark. She could barely see her hand in front of her face, but she knew she wasn't alone. The floors were filthy, the room reeked, and woman around her sobbed. Only women. 

   Men were placed in a separate room, so that the humans wouldn't breed. The last thing they'd want to do is have to help in raising human children. Children cost money, and they refused to waste money on them. 

    The ages ranged. Some girls were young, likely fresh out of high school by human standards, others were old, considered elderly. She was in the middle. 

   She was in alliance training at the time it happened, a fresh new face at the top of her class ready to face the war that was going on around her. She never got the chance to hit the front lines like she wanted to, she never even got to fight. The war was over before she knew what'd happened. Superior technology had won, humans had lost. It was like a bad dream, or a really crappy sci-fi movie, but this was real. The aliens had taken over, and the more she thought about it, the more crazy she felt. 

   Jane was dragged from her home before she'd even knew that the war was over. She kicked and she fought, but to no avail. She'd only found out from the whispers of the others captured. They were crammed in a sky car together, it was hard not to hear what they were saying. The humans had surrendered, they'd ran out of resources and were almost out of troops. The turians, with their allies, had almost an infinite amount of war resources. She supposed the only reason they'd fought for so long was just because they had hope, that was it, and hope had run out. 

    It didn't take long for the turians to start claiming the land on Earth. They'd begun colonizing an already colonizing planet, but humans had no say in the matter. Families were dragged from their homes and sold into slavery. They were chained and beaten and treated like animals, because to the turians, they were nothing more than that. 

    Slave homes were small buildings that housed the humans. Most of the time, a large group of people were chained and stuffed into one room until they were practically stacked on top of each other and no one else could fit. She'd been moved from slave home to slave home, and the case was always the same. She started off her journey optimistic, thinking that the humans still had a fighting chance, and that if they tried hard enough, they'd be free. 

    That never happened though, and as time went by, she'd lost hope. Days passed, turning into weeks, turning into months, turning into a full year in slavery. She stopped talking to those around her, she knew that they'd either be bought at the auction or moved to a different home, she didn't think she could bare the pain of losing another friend again, so she didn't make friends. It's better to be alone anyways, she told herself, you work better alone. 

    The door to the room opened with a loud squeak and the sound of it scraping against the floor, the noise was enough to make her grit her teeth in pain. Light poured into the room, making her eyes hurt, but she took this time to look at all of the other women around her, all equally confused. 

    The silhouettes of three turian men stood in the doorway, and without a word, they began to undo the chains. No one ran when they were free, because they knew outside those doors were even more guards who wouldn't be afraid to shoot them. 

   Jane let out a sigh of relief as her collar fell to the floor, looking up at the man who freed her, he did not make eye contact. She could tell he was just focused on the job, he couldn’t care less about her. 

   One by one a troop of armored people jogged into the room. She knew that they weren't the alliance finally coming to save her, they were taking her to an auction. The pointed their guns at the crowd of women, and they all stood and shuffled to make a line. 

   Slow steps were taken down the hall. She could still feel their guns on her, but she was too afraid to check and see if that were true. 

   They we're pushed onto a brightly lit stage in front of a group of turians, she could tell she looked awful. She was a mess, but no other girl looked any different. They were all a mess, all dirty and tired. They had matted hair and dark circles under their eyes, their clothes resembled burlap sacks, but sacks we're nicer. 

    She looked ahead at the crowd, which was mostly men, but littered throughout it was a couple of female turians, they almost looked out of place. She struggled to read turian facial features, their anatomy was so unknown to her, she just wished they could read her. 

    She didn't want to be bought, but she didn't want to stay here. Who knows what a turian would do to her out there, at least she knows what happens inside the facility, but the bidding began. She was fifth in line and they were buying the girls quick. She'd never seen an auction house by so fast, why were they in such a rush? 

    As the girls stepped down from the stage to meet their new owners, she was presented. They gave her height, weight, hair color, and eye color and then the bidding began. 

    Just like the last time, the bidding was going by fast, faster than she'd seen, but turians were dropping out quick due to a lack of cash. 

   “Starting at 5,000,”

   She nearly scoffed, she was worth so much more than that.

   The price continued to grow though, from five thousand, to ten thousand, ten to fifteen. As it went on less and less hands raised until it was down to two, back and forth between the same to men. 

  It was a bit dark out in the crowd, she couldn't see features, only the signs the men held up. As the numbers grew, the man farther back stopped bidding, and no one else did. She'd gotten to a pretty high number, she wouldn't be surprised if only one could afford that much. 

    “Sold!” He shouted, and she was guided down from the stage, a lot gentler this time, she supposed that buyers wouldn't be happy seeing someone else rough up their property. 

   She was taken out of the building, it'd been so long since she'd felt the fresh air. She had no idea what planet she was on, or even what system she was in, but she knew that it felt nice out. The cool air hitting her bare arms felt amazing, like drinking cold water after being deprived of it for years. 

   “Wait here,” he told her, and he walked back into the building, likely to escort the next bought girl out, but she wasn't alone, this again was not an opportunity to escape. Soldiers were still in the area, she knew it. 

   She looked over to her left. The girl before her was waiting there. She looked frail and tired. She was shaking, the cold air was likely too much for her. 

    A turian male stepped from the side of the building, taking her by the hand and leading her away. She could hear the girl silently whispering things to her new owner. She couldn't make out what she was saying, but she had a general idea of what the conversation sounded like 

_ “Where are you taking me? What are you going to do to me?” _ Jane knew that when she saw the man that bought her, she'd ask the same things. 

   It took a while before she heard footsteps coming from around that exact same corner. His were very heavy, he would likely be taller than the other man. 

   She tensed. She thought she'd be prepared for this, but she was wrong. What type of person would he be? What would he use her for? Would he finally allow her to have an actual bath?

   Her heart sank to her feet when she saw him, and she could tell that she was paler than she already was. She recognized this man, she couldn't remember his name, but Jane knew that she knew him. She'd seen him on the vid screen during the war. He was a general, if she could remember correctly. She couldn't think of who he was, all she could remember, was that when she saw him, she thought that she could take him in a fight. Seeing him in person changed that, especially with the way she was now. She was weak and he was much much taller than her. 

   His posture was perfect, his eyes never strayed from his target when he walked. His footsteps only grew heavier. She was shaking, just like the girl before her, she guessed that this was why. Jane was afraid. 

  When he was only a couple of inches away from her, she put her head down, and looked at her feet, they were bare. 

   She could feel him there, she could smell him to, he smelled like strength. She watched closely as he reached his hand up to her face. She winced, preparing for him to strike her, she heard stories from the other girls of those who abused them, it made her a little paranoid. 

  Rather than the sharp sting of a slap, she instead felt his hands gently caressing her face. It was soothing, sort of, his hands were very rough and scaly, it hurt a bit as well. 

   Finally, she lifted her head up to meet his gaze. The angry look on his face caused her to take a quick step back. She could hear the guards around her arming their guns. 

   “Put them down!” He shouted, “I've got this under control." 

   He took her by the wrist, the way his taloned hand squeezed hurt alot, he was probably one to never cut his claws. She knew that the way he was pulling her would bruise her arm, she was still malnourished and fragile, the smallest things would bruise her, but she didn't complain, he didn't seem like the type she'd want to complain to. 

   They stopped when they reached a blue, sky car. She glanced at it, the back at him. He opened the door of the passenger seat for her. Then she glanced at him again. 

   “Get in,” he said through gritted teeth. 

   She was quick to follow this order, afraid of what would happen if she were to disobey. It felt nice to not be crammed in a sky car with a bunch of other people, for once she finally had space to breath, and breath she did. She took a deep breath, then exhaled. It felt good. 

   He was in the car before she knew what happened and suddenly her breathing had stopped. She was afraid again. 

    She played with her thumbs and locks of hair to occupy herself during the journey. She wondered where they were going, seeing as it was taking them such a long time to get there. She wanted to talk to him, but she was afraid. He likely hated humans, he fought against them in the war, it wouldn't be a surprise if he'd bought her only to torture her. 

    “What's your name,” she asked quietly, a little too quietly at that. She'd wondered if he could even hear her. 

   “Saren,” he stated blandly, he didn't even look at her as he spoke. 

   Then there was silence again. 

   “Where, where are we going now,” she stuttered. 

   She saw him quickly glance at her this time, “We're going to take a transport shuttle to the citadel. I have to meet my bosses and you need clothes.” 

    “Who's your boss?” She felt words coming out a bit more freely now. She was a bit less nervous to speak to him. 

   “The council, I'm a Spectre,” 

   In the time that she'd been locked away from the world, he'd been promoted. This higher title made him even scarier to her. 

    “What do you plan to do with me?” 

    “Make you do house work. Cooking, cleaning, laundry,” 

   “Can't you just hire a maid?” 

    “You sure do ask a lot of questions,” he spat and she quickly shut and sealed her mouth. 

   The rest of the car ride was completely silent. 

    She'd only heard stories of the citadel. She'd never been. The war had broken out before she was able to go, and tragically, that was the last she'd ever thought about it. 

    She had to go through customs. She had to make an ID and all of that stuff. Slave was put as her occupation, she sighed at the sight of it, but before she had long to dwell on it, she was being dragged by Saren to a store. 

    There were no clothing stores specifically for humans, so she had to wear asari clothed instead. Asari wore long dresses or stripper suits, as far as she could tell, there was no in between. 

    She could feel eyes on her as she looked through the clothing. There weren't very many humans on the citadel, and if there were any, they didn't look as dirty as her. Saren only stood in the corner of the store, watching her to make sure she didn't attempt and escape. 

    Jane just picked a random dress. She was growing nervous with the way Saren was looking at her. He bought it and they left, his arm still tightly wrapped around her wrist. 

   Saren lead Jane to a row of rooms, apartments, then he opened one of the doors. Inside was a literal beautiful mixture of turian human architecture, and most importantly, solitude. It felt nice to finally have all of the eyes off of her. She only stood in the center of the apartment, too afraid to sit anywhere without permission. 

   “You will go down the hall and take a bath, I'll be back for you in a moment,” he spoke sternly, then he left. 

    He'd locked the door from both sides, just to be sure that there was no way for her to get out through there. The windows were sealed and there was no emergency exit. She couldn't scream for help, human slavery was not taboo or illegal, no one would care. 

  Guess I'll take a bath, she thought as she marched room to room, trying to find the bathroom.


	2. Chapter 2

   She soaked in the tub, the heat causing steam to rise in the bathroom. She sighed, her once sore muscles were a thing of the past. The feeling of hot water, made all of her stress wash away, she almost felt like a new person. 

   Jane wanted to forget where she was, and what her life had become. She wanted to believe that right now she was still at home on Earth, before the war, before the slavery. She knew that that wasn't the case, but she wanted to believe it. 

   She could hear the sound of the door opening and closing, it made her wonder how long she'd been in the bath, or how long he'd been gone. She had no way of telling time. 

    Anxiously, she waited for his footsteps to go near the door, instead she heard nothing, but the sound of the vid screen slowly turning itself up. She could hear the broadcaster talking about the stock going up, but nothing more. Was he just going to watch TV until she got out of the bath? Was he waiting for her? 

   She eased herself out of the tub and dried herself with a towel that she was sure was for display. She held onto the sink as she dried herself, so that she wouldn't fall. 

   As she prepared to get dressed, she realized that she had no undergarments. Jane wasn't willing to put the dirty ones back on after she'd just taken her first real bath in forever. Going without didn't seem so bad for a while, she'd just ask Saren to buy her some, when she felt comfortable enough talking to him. 

   Slipped the dress over her head, she wiped the steam off of the mirror to look at herself. It was very form fitting, making it obvious that there was nothing underneath. She sighed at her reflection. Her hair was still a mess, even after a good washing. It would take forever to comb it all out again after being tangled for so long. She wondered if she could cut it to fix the problem. But what if Saren didn't like that? What if he got angry? By technical standards, her body was no longer hers, it was Saren's, she'd have to ask him before doing anything rash to it. 

    Jane peaked her head out from the bathroom door, letting some of the steam fly out into the cold air. She touch her barefoot against the wood floor, the took very slow steps to where Saren was. 

   He didn't seem to notice her or he just didn't care, he was still watching the news while sitting on the couch. She supposed that at home he let himself relax a bit more. He still sat up straight, but he sat with his back slightly rested against the couch, his legs were spread and he kept his gaze on the vid, he looked comfortable. 

   “Saren,” she whispered, now standing in the room with him.

   He turned to glance at her, “Yes, Jane?”

   She was more than a little surprised at his usage of her name, but she attempted to speak anyways,“I don't have any underwear,” she still kept her voice quiet, trying to keep from stuttering. 

   “We'll buy you some,” he turned back to his show and the silence fell over the room again. She glanced down at her feet, the looked so much cleaner now, and alot softer. 

   She didn't know if she was allowed to sit, or if Saren had something for her to do. She didn't know anything about the apartment or the citadel, she was too afraid to ask. Instead she just stood there, watching him watch his show.

   He grew a bit upset with her watching them, she could tell because he began to glare at her before he spoke, “sit,” he commanded, and she quickly shuffled towards the couch, sitting far away from him. 

   He reached over the side of the couch and started messing with something she couldn't see, she could hear the sound of rustling plastic though.

   Bringing his arms back up, he showed her a collar. It was a pale grey and much fancier than the one she was given at the slave home. That one was itchy and rusted, if she moved her neck to fast, she might've scratched herself on it. This one was much much nicer.

    “Come here,” he whispered. When he spoke lightly, his voice had a very prominent growl to it. It made her scared, and yet she liked it at the same time. She wondered if all turians had this growl, or was it just something that was special to him. 

   The woman eased herself closer to him until she thought it was enough, then she stopped. She felt his hands on her neck, they were still rough against her skin, but she could tell he was trying not to hurt her. He latched the collar around her neck, then locked it, so that he knew she wouldn't be able to get it off. 

   She took this time to look at his face. She'd seen turians before, millions of times, and she'd seen him before, but even still, she wanted to look at him. He had no clan marking, which was strange amongst turians, it made her wonder why, but again, she couldn't ask.

  The collar felt a bit heavy around her, but she knew she'd get used to it. Once it was on however, his hands did not leave her. He touched her clothed shoulders, then traced his hand down the small of her back. She didn't pull away, afraid that he would be angry that she did. 

   Then, he stopped, pulled away and turned back to the vid screen. The sudden change of character was a bit strange, but she decided against speaking about it. 

    “Are you hungry?” He asked.

    “Yes, very,” she toyed with the collar around her neck so she wouldn't have to look at him.

   “I have a little bit of human food in the fridge for you, if you want that,”

   “I do,” she said as she rose from her seat, happy to be away from the awkward conversation. 

   It was strange seeing the contrast between human food and turian food. She saw some unknown meats that she was afraid to touch, and a bowl of fruits that she did recognize. It'd been so long since she'd had Earth's fruit, she been living on slop for so long, she'd almost forgotten all of the wonderful food Earth provided. 

  She hoped for a bit more protein, but fruit was just as good. She bit into a green apple, her favorite, and nostalgia washed over her. The mere taste of an apple nearly brought her to tears. She wanted to go home, to earth, before the war. She missed home and the people she knew there, and if given the opportunity to go back, she would without hesitation. 

   Jane finally looked to see Saren staring at her. She angled her head away so they wouldn't make eye contact. 

   “Is it bad?” He asked, “the woman who sold them to me, told me they'd go bad if they weren't eaten in time.”

   “No, it's perfect, it's not bad yet,” she took another bite of her apple, “thank you, Saren,”

    “We'll, once your finished with that, I'll need you to start cleaning my bedroom,”

   She nodded as she ate her apple and thought of home. She missed it, but she prayed that in the future a war would start again, and she'd be freed. With all the thinking she was doing, the apple was gone before she knew it. She threw her core in the trash and started opening doors again to find Saren's room. 

     It appeared that he spent a lot of time in his room because it was the messiest room in the house. He had clothes scattered everywhere, and take out trays littered the floor alongside them. He likely ate out when he didn't want to cook, which appeared to be a common thing for him. The sheets on the bed were wrinkled and his closet needed to be organized.

   Picking up the clothes first she began to work. It'd been a while since she cleaned a house, especially since  she barely cleaned her own home before the war. She piled his clothes into a corner, then began to pull all of the take out trays together. She could still smell the old food in some of the boxes. Turian food had a weird smell to it, it smelled like human food in a way, but also it didn't, but that was likely because it'd been sitting there for so long.

     Jane decided to take a break, she'd been working for so long her feet had cramped up. She decided to take a quick rest on his bed. It was hard, really hard. She didn't know a bed could come this firm, or how it was comfortable for anyone to sleep on it. It made her wonder if she was getting a bed of her own, she'd be too embarrassed to sleep in the bed as him if she didn't, so she'd have to sleep on the couch.

    “What's taking you so long!?” She jumped as Saren's fist slammed against the wall and his voice booked through the room.

    She hopped off of the bed quickly, then dropped to the floor to continue picking up trash. She'd made Saren angry again and she was too afraid to make it worse. She began to worry, she heard stories of girls getting put back into slave trade because they weren't good enough. Being put back was worse, because it told all other buyers that you were worthless.

     “No more 'Saren’, do you understand?” He asked, adding a slight growl to his voice.

    “Huh?” She looked up at him from the floor. 

    “You call me master, from her on out, got it?”

    “Yes,” she nodded.

    “Yes, what?”

   “Yes, master,” the word felt more the foreign to her. She'd never spoken it in that way, like she was being forced. She'd heard some weird stuff from the other girls, she began to worry about her safety. 

    The last thing she had to do, was make the bed. She spread the sheets across it, as neat as she could, but she couldn't get it neat enough. Saren yelling was scary enough, but what if it go to more than yelling? She wouldn't know what to do. She continued to straighten the sheets, over and over, but it never seemed to be right.

    “Are you finished?” She tensed. What if he wasn't satisfied is she said yes? What if she said no and he was still angry about how long it was taking?

    “Yes,” she started to tug at her hair, “Master,” she added on for good measure.

    “Good,” he said, “Lie down, get some rest,”

   She quickly put herself onto the freshly made bed, her cheeks a dark red. She couldn't sleep in the same bed as him. What would she do? What if wanted to do more than just sleep? She'd never heard of a turian human relationship before, but it could happen.

    He stepped closer to her, causing her to scrunch up into the fetal position. She felt his taloned hand grab her ankle, his claws digging into it again. She really hoped that if planned to continue to grab her that way, he'd file them down a bit.

   He pulled her leg closer to him. She heard the familiar rattle of chains and she held back a whimper. A cold cuff was wrapped around her ankles, wrapped tightly so that she couldn't slip her foot out. He attached the other end to the bed.

    “I don't trust you enough to know you won't leave during the night,” he said, yanking at the chain a bit to make sure it was secure. 

    “I would talk leave,” she assured, placing her hand over her chest as a way of showing proof. 

   She wouldn't be able to sleep next to him while chained to the bed. She wouldn't be able to get away at all. She'd be stuck here. Next to him. All night long. The thought sent shivers up her spine, but she tried not to make it visible.

    She watched as he stepped to the closet and opened it. He had a wide assortment of clothing inside, even though she'd picked up so many to wash later. 

   He began to undress in front of her. Never in her life had she seen a turian naked. Was he planning to undress to do things with her? She wasn't prepared for anything of the sort? How would it work? They had such different anatomies. 

   She was losing her mind with these thoughts. She was afraid. She barely even noticed that Saren had left the room, shut the light off, and closed the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

   She didn't sleep well that night. That was the easy way of putting it. Thoughts of her slave home tarnished her once happy dreams, causing her to wake up in a pool of her own sweat. Even though she was so far away from that place, she still felt there. Piled in a group of girls, chained to the wall. It reeked, it was freezing, she felt like she was going to die. Another girl beside her cried, and she felt like crying too. She jolted up with a gasp and a kick of the foot, then she'd remember where she was, the home of Saren, and remember that that wasn't much better.

    The bed still felt hard, it caused her back to ache, it almost felt the same as sleeping on the concrete floor. Were all turian beds like this, or was it just a Saren thing?

    The night continued the same way until she heard the sound of an alarm. Wake up, kick, go back to sleep again. This same repetitive schedule made her restless, and almost made her not wish to go back to sleep anymore.

    She guessed that the alarm was from Saren. She couldn't tell what time it was, but she knew it was early. He'd come to unchain her soon, right? She hoped. Her stomach rumbled with a ferocious hunger and she could feel her ankle being scratched raw from how much she tossed and turned during the night.

    Jane heard his footsteps, and naturally she tensed. He slept on the couch last night, she didn't know why. It was his bed, she could have slept on the couch, but she supposed that the couch was closer to the door, he didn't want her leaving.

   He opened the door to his room and stared down at her. She was so small compared to him, and at this angle, he looked even bigger. She began to tremble. She didn't know why, but she did. She was already a bit shaken from her back to back nightmares, his presence did not help in the slightest.

    “Are you hungry?” He asked.

     She nodded quickly, “Yes,” her voice trembled as if it were under weight.

    He spoke no more words as he unlocked the chain around her ankle. Once it came off, she felt a breath of cool air hitting the injured part of her body, it felt like all of the heat that was causing it pain, was being chased away.

     She wiggled her ankle a bit, feeling as a bit of pain shot through it when it was moved too harshly. She knew she'd have a slight limp when she walked on it today, and every other day that he chained her that way.

    “There's more fruit in the fridge,” he instructed.

     She stood from the bed made of rocks and quickly shuffled to the door, doing her best to not apply too much pressure to her foot. As she reached the door, she turned back to look at Saren, he hadn't moved.

   There he stood, looking over the spot she had been in the bed. Had she done something wrong?  He didn't move much, only slightly tracing his claws against the sheets that had wrinkled again from her lying on them.

   “Should I make the bed?” She questioned.

     He shot a look towards her, making her knees buckle slightly, “No.”

    She too a few light steps back, then made a quick limp to the kitchen, taking a moment to look out the window.

    Outside the citadel was booming, even this early in the day. Species of all sorts wandered around, doing their daily life. They were so high up in his apartment, with such a beautiful view. She found herself looking at it for a prolonged time. It was truly breathtaking, but there was a downside. There were no humans, only a few littered here and there, but none were free.

   The humans carried bags for their owners, brought them food, drove their cars. They weren't enjoying their life. They looked sad, and tired. The way the frown naturally found its way on their faces and then to hers. Watching her people down there, being treated like dogs, it made her tear up a bit.

    Before she knew it, she was crying. Her face went hot again, she could feel her cheeks flushing, and before she knew it, she was sobbing. Jane missed home, she missed her family, she missed just being able to walk out of her house at her own will. If she were able to get that back, she wouldn't take it for granted, but she knew that she likely never would.

     “Is the food not to your liking?”

    The shock of hearing Saren's voice caused her to throw her head back in fear. She nearly jumped out of her skin. She placed a hand over her beating heart and let out a sigh of relief.

   “No, I haven't eaten any yet,” Jane said.

   “You've been crying,”

    “Yeah,” She used the palms of her hand to roughly, but quickly, dry her eyes, “I'm fine.”

    She reached into the fridge, this time, grabbing more than one thing to eat. She grabbed apples, bananas, oranges, and other things that reminded her of home. She could feel Saren's eyes on her back as she did this, making her movements a little slower and a bit hasty to see how much she could take.

     Peeling the orange was were she decided to start, seeing as it was the hardest thing for her. She remembered when her mother would peel them for her all the time because her tiny hand struggled to even start the orange. It used to fascinate her to watch how skillfully her mother peeled the orange, then fed her the small segments.

    She took the segment and placed it against her tongue. It'd been so long since she tasted an orange, it was so familiar. The juice of the fruit burst when she bit down onto it, it was a bit sour, but she preferred the sour ones. All the while, Saren was still watching her.

    “Did you need something?” She'd asked. She'd grown nervous with the way he just stared down upon her, like a predator and prey. She felt so weak near him, it made her afraid to eat.

    “I'll be going soon,” he announced.

    “Where?”

     “On a mission, it's classified, I'll be gone for a few days,”

    She felt strange just being in Saren's house with him there, but alone, she'd feel even worse. This didn't feel like a place she was comfortable with, she was still too afraid to go to the restroom without asking.

    “What if I try to escape?” Jane noted.

    “Then you'll be found, brought back here, and-” he stopped himself for a brief breath of air, “-punished.”

     “Punished? How so?”

     He didn't answer this. He instead went back into his bedroom, she trailed closely behind him, hoping that'd give her an answer.

    Instead, Saren went into the closet and pulled out a box. She watched as his hands undid the locks and he lifted the top off. Inside was blue armor, a bit dirty and littered with bullet holes, but reliable. Under his armor were a few handguns and thermal clips. She watched as he laid his armor out on the floor, admiring it's handiwork.

    “Do you need something, Jane?” he did not look up from the work of metal.

   “I just...like your armor a lot, is all,” she confessed, “I used to be in the military.” She didn't know why she added that last bit on, but it felt right for the moment.

   “Did you fight in the war?”

   She shook her head, “By the time I finished the my training, the war was already over.”

    “I see,” he let out a sigh, “I have to get ready, I'll need you to leave.”

   She stepped out from the door and let it slide shut in front of her. Why was he suddenly so modest? Just yesterday night he'd stripped down in front of her, leaving almost nothing to the imagination.

    Jane decided to take a seat on the couch, letting her back naturally straighten and her hands rest against her lap. She wondered what Saren's tactics were. Did he charge in head first, guns blazing, or did he take the time to think things through, wiping his enemies out with a bit more poise. He seemed very analytical. He always seemed to think before he spoke, and his way of speaking made him sound so intelligent.

    She could imagine him on the front lines, just behind cover. Bullets were being shot at him, just missing his body. Orders were shouted over the loud sounds of gunfire and explosions. The ground would tremble under the many feet that marched across them to get to this place. His gun shots would be precise, wiping out man after man without missing a beat, all while he kept his cool.

   Jane had a bad habit of romanticizing wars, but she couldn't help it. Her parents would come home with crazy stories of heroics and no mercy, and it put sparkles in her eyes. She wanted to fight for her planet, for her people. Her parents were so proud when she enlisted, they were proud when they got calls from her, telling stories of how she'd won in hand to hand combat that day, and they were proud when she said she'd fight in the front lines of this war and win one for her planet, but she never did.

   Here she was now, nothing more than a slave, answering to the man who likely spearheaded her capture. She was more than a little upset about this. Her parents pride went down the drain, along with her dignity. How would she ever be able to look them in the eye after this? If they were even still alive.

    A ping at the door brought her back to the real world, where the vid screen played the news and her hands rested on her lap. She didn't know who it was, or if she was even supposed to answer the door. Saren never told her about that when he gave her a basic rundown of her job description.

   She took quiet steps to the monitor to look out at the person who pinged. It was a male, turian. His plates were brown, but he had elaborate white clan markings and deep green eyes, it reminded her of the grass from Earth.

   He too wore armor, his was instead red. He stood tall with his shoulders back and a stern look on his face, she could tell he was a friend of Saren's.

   By the way his face looked, she could see that he was growing inpatient with his having to wait, but Saren was still getting ready and she was afraid to open the door. She didn't wish to anger either of them.

   She pressed the button quickly then pressed her back against the wall next to it, so that she would not be seen when he finally stepped inside. His feet were heavy, and she could hear the sound of his haltered guns clinking against his armor.

     “Saren, what took you-” he quickly stopped speaking when he noticed that no one was there. She felt herself pressing more and more against the wall, even though she knew that all he had to do to see her, was turn around.

    Saren marched out, completely dressed in his armor, helmet in hand preparing to be worn, “Nihlus, you're early.”

     “The ship will be leaving early,” he said, “Emergency.”

     “I suppose Jane let you in?” She tensed as he said this.

   “Jane,” the other turian echoed.

   Saren pointed his long claw to the human woman who was pressed so hard against the wall, she was sure she'd melt into it. She felt her cheeks flushed and she pulled herself away from it and nod slightly.

    “I never expected you to be into this type of stuff,” he said as he inched closer and ran fingers through her hair. She didn't pull away, afraid of what him, or Saren would say.

    “I'm not into anything!” Saren scoffed.

    “You know what most people do with their human _pets,_ ” he snickered. He put such an emphasis on this word it made her jump a bit.

    She could tell that Saren was getting heated, just from his general demeanor change. He grew more tense than usual and his taloned hands bawled into fists, she let out an audible whimper.

     “Humans are disgusting vermin that are beneath me! They are inferior, I would never sleep with something like that!” He shouted with a bit of a growl, “Besides, there are much more attractive ones than _that_ one.”

    The words stung, making her take a tiny step back. He thought she was ugly, disgusting, and inferior. He seemed rather proud of the harsh words he said, but Nihlus didn't seem to like it as much.

    “Saren,” he began, “It was a joke, you don't have to say those things to her.”

    “It's not like she knew that those words meant, she's stupid, just like a pyjak.”

   So many words clogged up in her throat, so many things she wanted to say. She wanted to shout at him, to tell him that she was probably smarter than him, and stronger, but instead she felt quiet. Her face felt hot again, not from sadness, but from anger. She felt like she would burst on the spot and break into a million angrier pieces.

    Jane watched as the door closed while Saren and his companion walked off into the distance. Of course, he'd locked the door to make sure she was unable to get out. She banged her first against the piece of metal, imagining that she instead was banging her fist against Saren's hard armor. She knew no one could hear her, and at the end of the day, she was alone.

   Just when she thought she was getting to know a bit more about Saren, his wall formed again. He was farther away than he was at first and she wanted to keep it that way. She knew how he truly felt about her, he really did only want her as a slave, someone to make him feel like a superior.

     She sat down next to the door, hugging her knees. How long he'd be gone, she didn't know, but she knew he'd said a couple of days, and that likely ment a week or more. Once he got back, she'd stand up to him. She'd tell him to set her free. The thought of that just scared her though, but she couldn't allow herself to just fall victim to his superiority complex.


	4. Chapter 4

    She was a bit fidgety the days after Saren had left, she felt like any moment he'd walk through that door and she'd have to confront him, she didn't think she'd be able to, but alas, it did indeed take him a while to get back.

    In another day where she sat and watched the vid screen, banana in hand, she heard the sound of the door opening. She heard how his boots loudly stomped into her area, she didn't even have to look to know that Saren was here. She could smell the war on him. She'd never experienced a war, but the training gave her a general idea of what it smelled like.

    “This place is a mess, Jane,” he pulled his helmet off and she could feel him glaring at her, “Get off the couch and clean up.”

    She could feel the anger inside of her bubbling like boiling water. She could feel her face turning that dark shade of red again. She could feels those words that she had wanted to say to Saren, forming in her throat and nearly coming out, but she did nothing. Even though she felt like she could kill him with her bare hands, she sat there on the couch, patiently, only letting out a soft exhale.

     “I know you can hear me, get up and clean!” He ordered and she did stand, but there she stood, not moving an inch. Their eyes had locked from across the room and hers were full of anger and tears.

    “No,” she spat.

    He turned to look at her, his hands still placed on the clasp to pull off the breastplate of his armor, “What did you say?”

     “I said no, Saren,” she said his name with disgust.

      The breastplate of his armor fell to the ground with a clatter and her began removing the leg pieces, all while still somehow managing to be threatening.

     Once all of his armor was removed, leaving him in the black under armor, he chuckled, then began to laugh, “Jane, I think my translator broke over the mission. Are you really saying 'no’ to me?”

     “Your translator is not broken. I will not do what you say,” she swore, “If you have no intentions for treating me like an equal, then just take me back to a slave home!”

     That last part was not exactly what she'd planned to say, but the words came of freely and she let them sit in the air until they reached Saren.

    He looked up and her, she still couldn't read his facial expressions, but she thought he looked confused. Before she had time to think about that though, he was stomping towards her at full speed, causing the room to shake a bit. He didn't stop until the were close to the point where she could smell him, feel his warmth. She had to look up to see his face because of how tall he was, with him standing over her like that, it made her realize that she was afraid.

    She could hear the sounds of growls that honestly sounded like they were coming from an animal, but sure enough, they were coming from him. She'd never heard a turian growl before, she heard battle grunts and things like that, but this was a full growl, one that was coming from the back of his throat and making his body rumble.

    “You will go into that bathroom and clean it top to bottom right now, then you'll do the bedrooms, then you'll do here, and if those rooms are not up to my liking I'll-”

    “You'll what?” She interrupted.

    She could tell that Saren did not enjoy being talked over like that. His growls only grew louder and his breathing was getting heavier.

    “Jane,” he said through hard breaths.

    “Saren,” she said back.

     With a loud grunt his hand was lifted and pulled back, by the time Jane had realized what he'd planned to do, it'd already happened. He struck down on her cheek with a force that sounded like lightning, a force that the gods could hear. Her cheek burned and stung like someone was shoving needles into it, and without warning, she felt hot tears streaming down over the burning spot he'd hit.

    Saren put everything he had into that slap, she could tell because it had knocked her to the ground, leavings her looking like a beaten mess of the floor.

    “Bathroom first,” he said, as he marched back to his room.

    She felt another hot liquid come down her cheek. It did not feel like her tears. She pressed a shaking hand against it and sure enough, his claws likely scratched her face hard enough to draw a bit of blood. From what she could tell, the wound wasn't too deep, but it was still enough to have her bleeding uncontrollably.

    She stood up, her legs shaking from the general fear of being struck without warning, then she walked slowly into the hallway. She looked down the hall at the bathroom, then she looked right in front of her at Saren's room. She could go in and confront him, right then and there, or she could start scrubbing the bathroom like he'd wanted and things could go back to the way they were. Both options sounded like they'd get her killed in the long run, but she knew she'd rather die than stay a slave.

   She let her hand open the door, then she stepped inside. Saren was already staring her down, likely because he didn't expect her. He was pulling his pants on, but her presence hadn't given him to time to clasp them.

    “The cleaning supplies is right under-”

    She didn't think when she did it, she just did. She placed both of her hands flat against his chest, then she pushed. It wasn't much, but she was weak, she hadn't trained in forever, but she knew that if she were at full strength, it would've done so much more.

   The push didn't do much to his large frame, only making him take a couple of light steps back. He opened his mouth to begin to angrily protest, but before he could speak, she'd rammed her fist into his face. This time, the force knocked him back a bit farther.

    Jane shook her hand out, noting now punching a turian in the face was painful, she was sure it'd cracked her knuckles.

    She looked up at him, watching as a blue liquid dripping from his nose and down his chin. She'd never seen turian blood before. It was intriguing.

    Saren began to run at her full force, he pushed her against the wall, head head hitting it with a loud noise. Her vision went white and she has a ringing in her ears before she remembered where she was. He was holding her arms above her head, growling with his mouth only an centimeter from her face. She didn't know his teeth were that sharp.

   Jane kicked. That was all she could think to do, kick until you hit something that hurt, then kick again. She kept the up until she'd felt her foot graze his stomach, then, she kicked with all her might. She noticed how this knocked a bit of wind out of him, loosening his grip, then she did it again, until he had to take steps back to breath.

    She took this moment of weakness as time to jump at him. She threw herself against him, making sure almost all of her weight had landed against his chest. He fell back and she landed on top of him, straddling his hips. She began to throw punches before he could regain his composure, but then his hand grabbed one of her fist, then the other. She had no idea how to get out of this, other than to fight dirty.

    Her teeth sunk into his bare arm, barely doing anything to him, until she began to draw blood. Her teeth went past his hard plating and into his flesh. She felt his body tremble as released a loud howl.

     Saren pushed her back, climbing on top of her instead, but she resisted. His blood around her mouth made her lips and tongue tingle, but she ignored it.

    Jane kicked and screamed as she felt his weight hold her down. He placed his face into the crook of her neck, panting. She didn't expect Saren to get tired so quickly, but she wasn't done yet. She took his fringe into her hand and pulled, he gasped, then moaned a bit as she pulled harder, thinking it effective.

    Saren bit down on her shoulder. It didn't take him better long to pierce her skin and draw blood. She could feel his sharp teeth deep inside her, and their immune systems only made the pain worse. I felt like someone had stabbed her, only to take another knife and try to wiggle it into the the same wound.

   Once he pulled back she could feel the blood rushing out. Saren's tongue left his mouth and began licking the wound, all the while, his claws were digging into her hip, drawing even more blood.

   She didn't want to give Saren the satisfaction of know it hurt, she she kept her whimpers to a minimum, only trying to fight back if she could.

    “Is that good, Jane,” he said as the claw that was digging into her hip started to rip her dress.

     She was confused by his choice of wording. Was fighting supposed to feel good? Because it hurt like a bitch, she could already feel tears swelling in her eyes.

    “Get the fuck off of me, Saren,” she protested.

    He chuckled, “Would you rather be on top.”

     “On top?” She questioned.

    His demeanor changed a bit as he sat up on his knees, looking down at her body.

    “So, you do do it differently,”

    “Do what differently?!” she'd shouted.

    She jumped at his again, this time prepared to not stop punching him until he was passed out, but instead, he easily pushed her off of him.

    He stood and went into his closet , throwing a shirt of his head without a word. She could tell that he was no longer angry, but she didn't understand what was wrong with him.

    “Don't you want to finish this?” She growled.

     The way she put a growl in her voice seemed to make him jump a bit, something that she'd never seen him do before, but that was the only reaction she'd got.

    “I'll be back soon, Jane,” he said.

     “Where are you going?” She shouted as she marched out of the room behind him, “Don't we have to finish this! I will not just let you treat me this way!”

    She didn't get a response, she just watched as he left the house quickly, not even locking the door behind him this time.

    Was this a trick? A trap? Was he trying to give her the hope of escaping, only for it to be taken away from her. He was probably still standing outside, waiting for to open the door so that he could laugh and her failed attempts and slam her against the ground.

     She didn't want to risk him getting a surprise attack on her, although she had to admit it was pretty smart. She wanted to walk out that door so bad, it was almost as if her legs were moving on their own, but she stopped herself. She turned around and she thought back to dressing her wounds. They'd get infected if she didn't do anything, especially where he'd bit her, that turian saliva would surely gunk it up if not treated properly.

      She knew Saren had a stash of medi-gel somewhere, he just seemed prepared for that type of thing, and sure enough, inside the bathroom cabinet, was an unused container.

    She opened it and took her clothes off, noticing that her dress was in tatters and she was covered in bruises. Saren did not go easy on her.

    She started with her neck, rubbing the gel into the opened wound and feeling the healing properties work their best to treat it. She sighed a bit when she felt how cold it was on a hot part of her body.

    Then, she ran her fingers over her cheek, it didn't hurt as much as before, but it was still an open wound it a house that a turian lived in. It was better safe than sorry.

    She finally got to all of the bruises. They'd turned red and purple, it looked disgusting against her skin. Medi-gel didn't do so much for things like bruises, seeing as they were seen as minor injuries, but she still rubbed some on them. It made them hurt less.

    Jane realized that she couldn't put her dress back on due to its state, but she couldn't just walk around naked. She peaked her head around the corner, hoping that Saren wouldn't make a surprise visit into the house, then she jogged to his room and rummaged through his closet. He wouldn't mind too much if she took something like this from him, it's not like his species took her life or anything.

    She pulled one of his shirts over her head. He was surely a lot bigger than her. The shirt went down almost past her knees, not to mention it was baggy around the sides as well, but it was something to wear.

    She placed herself in his bed, saying she'd sleep here tonight. He wouldn't mind, she knew he wouldn't, so she did it. She closed her eyes, pulled the blankets up, and went to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

   Even though she was half asleep, her senses were still sharp. She could hear that the door had opened, and that someone had come in. From the sound of it, it was more than one person. She could hear hushed whispers to be quiet from one to another. Even though they tried to mask their footsteps, they were still heavy enough for her to notice.

    Jane couldn't think of anything of value Saren had to steal. All of his things were mediocre at best, so it couldn't be thieves, unless they were truly desperate.

    Her head peaked out of the door. Two tall dark silhouettes stood in the middle of the living room, but she couldn't make out what they were doing. One appeared to be falling, as the other held him up.

    Their body structure was recognized as not human to her, so two male turians. They had to have come in without forced entry because the door opened easy, they knew the security code. Nihlus didn't know it, that was for sure, or else he would have let himself in the other day, and only one other person she could think of knew it.

     “Saren?” She called into the darkness and the men's movement stopped.

     “Jane,” that was Saren sure enough, his voice had a bit of a slur to it, but she knew Saren's voice when she heard it.

    She flicked the light on, taking the time to look at the other turian who was holding up Saren's body weight, “It's late,” she stated, that being the only thing she could think to say.

    The other turians mandibles fluttered ever so slightly as the room lit up and every came into view.

    “I'm sorry,” he said, “I didn't want to wake you.”

   “Is he sick?” She asked as he started to drag Saren to the couch, so that his massive weight wouldn't crush him anymore.

     “He's just a little drunk,”

     “Saren? Drunk?” She held in a snort, “you're kidding?”

     “No, he came into the bar. He was beaten pretty badly, saying he had a girl at home that he fought with, but I didn't expect you to be...” he trailed off.

    “Human,” she finished with a nod.

    “Yeah. He seemed pretty worked up about something he'd done wrong or misinterpreted, I don't know. After some point I just couldn't understand him anymore,”

    “And who are you?”

   “Oh, my name's Garrus,” he extended his hand out to her which she took and gave a light shake, she'd never seen a turian with human mannerisms, “I work under Saren on missions. I was surprised to see him of all people at the bar, he never drinks.”

    “So, will he be okay?”

    “Turians usually get really hungry after a long night of drinking, couple that with some muscle aches, and a bit of dry mouth, but he should be fine. You should get some rest,”

    “I will,” she said as he opened the door and started to walk out, “and thank you.”

     Once the door was closed, she turned back to look at Saren. His wounds were untreated from the fight, but they'd stopped bleeding, they'd scar. He was covered in his own dried blood, and a little bit of hers as well. He looked so different when he was drunk out of his mind, compared to when he was sober, she didn't know which one she liked more.

      “Jane,” she heard him call, but she didn't pay attention to it.

    “I'm going to bed now, get some sleep,” she flicked the light off and closed the door, crawling into the rock hard bed.

    Just as she started to feel herself drifting away into dreamland, she heard the sound of stomping and a couple of loud thuds. She sat up, knowing that that obnoxious noise was no one other than Saren.

    She opened the door to the bedroom, coming face to face with him. He was leaned up against the wall for support, his hand over his head, likely from pain.

    “What?” She asked a bit too sharply.

    “Let me lay in the bed with you tonight,” he groaned.

     “Absolutely not!”

     “Please,” he begged.

     She stepped back into the room and closed the door behind her, noting how she didn't hear his heavy footsteps leave. Did he just plan to wait outside all night? She had no intention of letting him in the same room as her, let alone letting him sleep with her.

   She wondered why he didn't just open the door and come in though. It is his house. He has all the access codes, it's not like he'd been locked out. Drunk Saren was truly a different person.

    She rested her head on the pillow and closed her eyes, finally drifting off into deep sleep beneath the warmth of a blanket and on something that resembled a bed.

     Her eyes opened again and it was morning. She hadn't heard Saren moving around during the night so he was either still there or she'd just had an amazing night's sleep.

    She was feeling hungry again, and thankfully she had food. She was happy to finally be gaining weight again, mostly because she had something to nourish herself. It was truly the only thing she was thankful for.

     The door slid open and she was happy to not see Saren. Instead she heard him. She could hear the sound of grunts and moans of pain coming from the kitchen. He was likely just eating something.

    She peeked her head into the seen. There he sat against the counter, stuffing the unidentified raw meat into his mouth. Jane nearly vomited on sight. She'd never heard of turians eating plain raw meat, then again, she didn't much care for their species.

    “Don't you want to...cook that?” She asked, “I don't know how turians take their food, but I'm not sure that's good for you.”

    He only shook his head.

    She reached over his body into the fridge, grabbing an apple and sitting next to him. Not close, but she sat on the same floor, so it was close enough. There was silence as the both ate. The sound of the apple crunching, and the sound of him chewing the raw meat.

   “Garrus said you'd be a bit of pain,” Jane added.

   He nodded.

   “Garrus seems really nice,” why was she trying to make conversation with him? She supposed that she felt something deep inside for him, something she hadn't felt for another living thing in a long time. Pity.

    “I think Nihlus is pretty cool too, if that's his name. I don't quite remember,”

     “It's Nihlus,” he assured her.

     “Why'd you leave last night? You were winning, but you changed and you left.”

     “No reason,”

    “You said something about being on top, then you left. Why? I'm confused?”

    “It was nothing, Jane, I was the one who was confused,”

     “Confused about what?”

     “Nothing!” He roared, then he placed his hands over his head, loud noises are never good for hangovers.

      "Did you really mean all of those things you said about me?” She began, “Do you really not see me as an equal?”

     “Jane, I-” he stopped himself, “I think I'll send you back to the slave trade.”

     “What?” She yelled, feeling a bit apologetic when he groaned in pain.

    “This isn't working,” he stood, placing his hand on the counter to hold his body weight.

     She was confused, “What is _this_? I don't understand, Saren.”

     “I don't understand either, but being around you is only causing me more harm that's it worth,”

    She clicked her tongue, “Can't you just set me free? We're already on the citadel, there's not much work you have to do,”

     “I can't risk seeing you again, I wouldn't be able to control myself,”

     She rested her head against her knees, sighing deeply into her own thighs, “Saren, I'll work, just don't send be back. We don't even have to talk.”

    She was suddenly so unwilling to go back to the slave home. She hated it there, she hated it here too, but she had to weigh her choices, and this just seemed to be the better place. There was food, mainly fruit, but food. She had a hard bed to sleep on. She could take baths at will. Life here sucked, but it could be worse, she could be filthy, malnourished, and tired at the home.

    “Just...keep your distance,” he ordered and she nodded in agreement, “I'll buy you a new dress, just give me my shirt back.”

XXX

   Saren left out again for pain medicine and new clothes for her. She'd nearly forgotten that this wasn't her own outfit, she'd grown to like it in the one night she slept in it. The fabric was rather soft and it had a nice smell to it.

    She noted how he was acting funny. He was more harsh to her after that run in with Nihlus and a lot more passive aggressive after their fist fight. Jane had no idea what to do. He wanted her to keep her distance, but she didn't know why. She supposed it was because she disobeyed orders, then gave him a bloody nose, she wouldn't want to spend time with herself either.

    Saren said that he was confused about something, during the fight, but she didn't know what, he was so vague with the entire thing she couldn't think of something to be confused about. He never even answered her question on whether or not he thought they were equals.

   When Saren arrived he threw a dress onto the couch with her, then speed walked away. It was almost the exact same one he'd bought her the first time.

   She slipped the shirt off and shimmied the dress on, noting that yet again, she was not given any type of underwear. She sighed, but decided to live with it. She'd almost gotten used to the feeling, but not completely.

    “Saren!” she called, “Do you need me to wash your shirt?”

     When she realized that she wasn't getting a response, she opened the door to his room. He was sitting at his desk, typing away at a data pad, but he didn't look up at her. He was ignoring her.

    “Should I wash this?” She had to admit, she'd never washed a turians clothes before.

    “Just sit it on the bed,” he mumbled.

    She tossed the shirt onto the bed, making it land perfectly in the middle. Then she turned back to look at Saren, awaiting her next order from him, but she only got silence. Jane didn't open her mouth though, instead, she looked down at the screen of his data pad. He was typing something, a message, she could only read a couple of lines though, since he was typing so fast.

      _….on a long mission, the longest one you have._

That was all she could read at such a quick speed, but she knew mission meant that he was leaving soon.

    “Where are you going this time?” She asked.

    “What do you mean?”

     “You're typing about a mission, I thought you'd be going somewhere,” she shrugged, “or is it a spectre thing again?”

    “I'm asking the council to put me on a mission,”

    “What for?”

    “Didn't I tell you to stay away!?” He snapped.

    “Saren, I know you're upset about this whole fight thing, but I think we're both in the wrong, I think it'd be best if we talked things out,” she said, “we need to talk, since I will be staying here for a while.”

    “You want to talk, huh?” His tone was condensing, but she still nodded.

    “Yes..?” She chimed.

    “When you-,” he inhaled deeply, “When you jumped on top of me the way you did, it did things.”

    “What things?” She asked.

    He sighed, “You really are stupid, aren't you?”

    “No, I just don't-” she stopped mid sentence. She couldn't think of the words as everything hit her like a truck. It felt like her world was crashing down right in front of her, then she turned red.

    “You bit me, I thought that really meant you knew what you were doing, so I bit back, but we weren't on the same page,”

    She was at a loss of words, she couldn't think of a thing to say. So many questions had arose from that. She needed a moment or two to think about it.

   “I thought you telling me to get off was just you being dominant, but I was wrong,”

    “You, you can stop talking now,” she stuttered.

     She took a slow step back, letting the door close in front of her, then, she took a full sprint to the bathroom where she locked herself in.

   What did she do? She didn't even know. She felt a bit weird now, knowing that most everything she was doing was just getting him off. We're all turians into that type of stuff, or was it just Saren? Why was she thinking of stuff like that?

    “Jane, I'll be leaving out now!” She heard him call, “I'll give you time to assess the situation.”


	6. Chapter 6

    “I thought you hated humans,” she mumbled into the silence.

    “I do,” he snapped back, “I don't know what was wrong with me then.”

    “You think I'm disgusting, yet I made you aroused,”

    “It wasn't intentional,”

    “I think turians are disgusting,” she said back. She knew she didn't like turians, but she never thought this about them, she just wanted something rude to say back to him.

   Once she'd left the bathroom, she'd came face to face with Saren who was just coming home. She didn't look him in the eye, she was more than a little embarrassed.

    “Should we talk?” He finally asked.

    She nodded, and that's how they got where they were now. Making snarky comments back and forth. Saren would say something about it, she would respond, she would say something about it, he would respond. It went on like this for what felt like hours, while it had only been roughly ten minutes.

    “What else do you think about turians?” Saren asked.

   She thought for a moment, “I think they're rude, prideful, selfish, but some of them have very nice voices.”

    “Really?”

    “Not you though,” she said.

    “Then who?”

     “Your friend, Garrus, his voice is soothing,” she stated.

    He let out a huff, “then maybe you should just stay with him then.”

     “Are you jealous?” She pried.

      “I’m not jealous,” he scoffed, “I'm just sick of you.”

     “I'm sick of you too! I didn't ask to be bought!” She found herself raising her voice.

    Silence fell again and she tried to look at everything, but him. Their relationship was a strange one. She didn't know what it was. He was rarely ever nice to her, often times he was cruel. He said harsh things, did harsh thing, but never gave her away. She was confused and a bit worried.

    “I don't  _ hate  _ you, Jane,” he said just beneath his breath.

   “I don't hate you either,”

   “Humans are such a funny species, like no other in the Galaxy,”

    “Why do you say that?” She asked.

    “Most species are the same. Speak the same language all over the planet, and usually have the same customs, but humans, they're different. Humans don't have one set language or one set of customs, or one set style of dressing, you're all different, why is that?”

     “Well I guess…” she trailed off for a bit, “I don't really know.”

   “It's so interesting, don't you think?”

   “Don't you hate us, Saren?”

   “I hate that we had to go to war,” he simply stated.

   “I do too, I think turians are pretty cool,”

   “Just not me?” He asked.

   She found herself smiling, “You're pretty okay too.”

    Silence again. She found herself just staring off into space, not paying attention. She didn't know what else to say or what else to do. Jane began to think about what he said.

   She didn't know what to believe, to be honest. Maybe he was just lying to her so that she'd go back to work, or maybe, he was being truthful. Those things he said in front of Nihlus sounded so real, it would be hard to believe that even though he said those things with such passion, he didn't mean them.

    “Do you see me as an equal?” Jane questioned.

    “I do,” he paused, “I think I do. You're strong, Jane, stronger than me. To be able to withstand such things, I see you as superior.”

   She turned back to look into his eyes. She didn't trust those words that came from his mouth, no matter how true they sounded, but when she looked in his eyes she saw it all. He was being sincere, in a way. Sincerely was something that carried from species to species in the eyes, she could see it in his.

     “You said such horrible things,”

     “I was embarrassed. Nihlus just doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut and I don't know how to express myself properly,”

    “You sounded like you meant it,”

    “I know,” was all he said in response.

    “And the day you hit me?”

    “You were standing up for yourself, there's not much I can do if you run away,” she heard him chuckle, “You were very expensive.”

     “So, you won't get rid of me?”

      “Not yet, at least,”

     She felt him place his hand over hers. He was warm, but his palms still felt a bit rough. She didn't know whether or not she was supposed to pull her hand away, so she just let it rest their, beneath his.

   “I want to apologise. The way I've been treating you is not good. I'll do better,” he whispered, she could hear a bit of strain in his voice, like he struggled to say it.

    Knowing that Saren was bad with expressing himself made her understand things a bit more. From what she could see, he had very few friends and no family. It made her wonder what made him close himself up like that, he was harsh, very harsh, but there had to be a reason why.

    “I won't say that I forgive you, yet,” she replied, “Let's start fresh, and if you've truly changed, I'll forgive you.”

    He nodded.

    She could feel his grip on her hand tighten a bit. She look downed at the way their fingers had interlocked, then she looked back up at him, making eye contact.

   She couldn't describe how beautiful she thought Saren's eyes were or how strange it was that he was bareface. He was truly different.

    Turning her head away when the direct eye contact got too uncomfortable, she felt him grab her shoulder to pull her back into the stare. He wasn't saying anything, but he placed his hand against her cheek, noting how she winced just a bit.

   Saren pressed his forehead against hers, letting out a soft purr. She didn't know exactly what was happening, but she used context clues to judge that it was likely an act of intimacy.

    Just this simple act alone had a strange feeling to it. A tingle, a warmth that she couldn't describe. She didn't wish to pull away. She enjoyed hearing him purr, she didn't even know that turians could. He was reminding her more and more of an animal every day.

   Once it was over, he pulled away and sighed. Then, squeezed her hand a bit tighter.

    “I didn't mean to do such a thing so suddenly, but it seems like you liked it,” he stated.

   “What was it?”

   “It was a kiss, I know humans do it different,”

   “We do,” she whispered.

    She leaned forward slightly, letting her lips graze over his mouth plate. Jane found herself pulling back just slightly because of the unfamiliar feeling, but she continued once more. Her lips pressed against his, it made her think about how long it'd been since she'd kissed someone. She didn't expect to to be with him of all people, especially after their run in.

    She licked his lips lightly, and his mouth opened just enough. Jane’s tongue slipped into his mouth. She was surprised by the taste of cinnamon when she brushed against his rough tongue. It made her feel a bit more comfortable, having a familiar taste in a generally unfamiliar setting.

    When she felt it was good to stop, she attempted to pull away, but his arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer, holding her in place. She felt his tongue take over her mouth now. It was such a strange sensation.

   It was long, but thin. She wondered why their tongue had such a rough texture to it, or was it just him. She found this strange thing to be a bit more pleasurable, in a way she couldn't understand.

    He eased her onto her back, his hand sliding under her dress and rubbing her bare thigh.

   She could feel her cheeks getting red. She felt as though if this didn't stop soon, they'd go a lot farther than what she'd planned. She could already feel her allergies taking affect. He lips and tongue tingled just like they did when she had tasted his blood.

   She pushed him as gently as she could. It was the only way she could think to tell him to stop.

    “Am I still doing it wrong?” He asked her.

    “No, it's just...my allergies, Saren. I'll get sick,”

    “I have condoms, if you think we'll need them, Jane,”

    Her face felt red again, she grabbed a lock of her hair to occupy her hands, “That's good and all, but I don't think we should be having sex just yet.”

    “Really?” She thought she heard anger in his voice, making her a bit scared.

    “Yeah,” she whispered.

    He sighed, “Sorry for being so forceful, again.”

    “It's good to see you apologising more,” she smiled.

    “It feels strange, I normally hate the way it feels to apologise, I still do,”

    “Think you'll ever get used to it?” She joked.

    “Likely not,”

    He lifted himself from a top her and sat back where he was.

   She just laid there. Thinking about what had just happened. Letting the moment replay over and over in her head again.

   That moment with Saren had gone too sexual too quick. She wasn't prepared for it in the slightest. It came out of nowhere. Jane knew that she wasn't prepared for sex, especially not with a Turian. If he thought that fight was arousing, it only terrified her more to think what he could do in bed.

    She didn't mean for this whole thing to happen. If anything, she hoping for more of a boss and worker type situation, not whatever this had become.

    She found herself flushed at the sweet things he'd said about her. Flushed and a bit confused too. Which Saren was the real Saren. The rude, abusive one, or the sensitive one. She didn't know. What if this was all just an act? What if he did this to trick her into the false sense of sanctuary? But what for?

   Saren had to leave again, another mission. He said he'd only he gone for three days tops. She didn't feel as uncomfortable as she usually did in his home, she felt like she'd be alot me comfortable in his home alone this time.

   She heard the door ping, and she looked out to see Nihlus. It made her tense a bit. She was truly afraid that the scenario would turn out the same as last time. If that were the case, they'd end up back at square one, and she didn't think that if they fought a second time, she'd be able to talk with him as easily.

    “Jane, open the door for me!” Saren called.

   She did as she was told and Nihlus stepped inside. She didn't know what time he was supposed to be leaving, so she didn't know if he was early again or not.

   “Good morning, Jane,” he said to her.

   “Hello, Nihlus,”

    “About the last time I was here-” she stopped him there.

   “We worked it out,”

    “I'm glad, he usually gets angry when we tease him, but I've never heard him say such things,”

    “He was just embarrassed,” she assured, “I'm sure he's learning to control himself better.”

   “I'm happy you believe that,”

   Saren stepped out, helmet in hand. He saluted to Nihlus, the turned to Jane.

   “I'll be back soon,” he whispered to her.

   She smiled, “I know, don't worry about me.”

   He stepped closer, then pressed his forehead against hers. It'd been a while since they'd done this, and she was even more embarrassed knowing that they were doing it right in front of Nihlus, but she let those feelings of embarrassment sink away. She closed her eyes and sank into the feeling, almost releasing a whine when he pulled away.

   “See you soon, Jane.”

    She could hear the sound of their banter as they walked away.

   “So you don't have a thing for humans?” Nihlus joked.

   “Shut up,” he snapped.

   When there were too far away to hear anymore. She noticed that he hadn't locked the door.


	7. Chapter 7

   Three days felt like three years. She sat and waited for him, hoping that maybe he'd come home soon. He did not. Three days passed. He wasn't home. She was worried and time only seemed to tick by slower and slower. She knew that the time period he'd given her was only an estimate, but she still felt some. She missed him and she didn't know why.

    She grew worrisome waiting for him, watching the door in case he decided to show up. It was a boring act, but the sound of the vid screen playing in the background kept her company.

   Jane was so excited for Saren to come home, but she didn't know why. They had such a strange relationship, but she only wished to continue to watch what kind of twists and turns it would take. Somehow, they went from hating each other with everything in them, to kissing. It was such a rough transaction, it was like someone took a sharp turn. It made her wonder if things would stay this way, or if they'd go back to the way they were before.

    She didn't know what this was though. What kind of relationship they had. She knew that she didn't love him and if she thought she did, it was probably because he was the only person she'd spent time with for the last couple of months. It made her question her feelings and actions towards him. We're they genuine or was this just a bad case of stockholm syndrome? Either way, things were moving at too quick of a pace.

    Jane heard the door chime, jumping up from her spot on the couch. She quickly lost that excitement when she remembered that Saren had a code to the door, and would not need to ring the doorbell. That likely meant it was someone else. Not Nihlus, since he was out with Saren, so who else.

   She looked at the wall panel, being greeted by the familiar face of a turian that she'd only seen once before. Garrus. She opened the door for him and he stepped inside. It took him a moment to speak, so she spoke first.

    “Saren's not here right now, he's out on a mission,” she said, her voice sounded a bit more sad than what she intended.

   “Oh, I know,” He began, “Saren had me come here to deliver a message and some credits for clothes and food.”

    “Will he be gone for much longer?” She asked, taking the data pad from his hand.

   “He told me a couple more days,”

   She opened the message and read through it, once twice, then once more, just in case she skipped anything. She liked to be thorough.

_ Jane, _

_ The mission appears to have drawn on longer than I anticipated. I apologise if I made you worry in some way. I'll be home soon, just give me a few more days. _

_ I know your food must be bad by now and you're probably sick of wearing the same clothes. I've sent you some credits, enough to sustain you for my time away. Don't worry about spending wisely, just enjoy yourself. _

__ She honestly couldn't believe that this message had come from the same person. It barely even sounded like the Saren she'd known before. Was he attempting to buy her affection? Was he just being nice? She didn't know how much trouble it must've been to even deliver the credits, let alone a message to go with it. It made her feel iffy. He feelings about Saren were still on the rails.

   “He said there's roughly one hundred thousand, but we can't be sure seeing as the chit had to go through a lot of processing to get here,” Garrus added.

    “That's a lot of money. How much does Saren make?” She questioned.

     Garrus shrugged, “Spectres are at the top of the military, the strongest, smartest, and usually the most well trained. They are above the law and get to keep most of the profits they find while on missions, unlike most other soldiers. That adds up with their massive paychecks.”

    “Wow,” was all she could say as a response.

    “And also,” he cleared his throat, “Saren asked me to assist you on this shopping trip.”

    She let out a mental sigh. She knew that Saren wouldn't trust her alone with this much money. She wanted to feel hurt by the fact, but she couldn't. She could see why she'd have to have an escort, especially if she put herself in his shoes. It was hard not to understand.

     For the first time in months, she stepped foot outside of his apartment. She'd nearly forgotten what the outside world looked like, even though she was only looking at the other rows of apartments right next to his. This small change of scenery, was enough to excite her, even if she had and escort with her. She could enjoy herself.

    The first thing she wanted to do, was buy underwear. Jane'd gone too long without it and now that she had the chance, she wasn't going to let it go by. There still were no stores specifically for humans, so she once again found herself browsing in an asari store.

    It'd been so long since she'd been in a place like this. It was even more embarrassing with Garrus watching her every move. She'd spot a pair that she found to be cute, then she'd reach out to pick it up, only to turn and see Garrus staring intently. He'd notice that she'd noticed him and he'd turn away, his mandibles fluttering, she wondered why they did that.

      Once she'd picked out enough undergarments to last and a few new dresses. She went on a hunt for food.

    Another thing the citadel didn't carry was human food. It made her wonder what Saren had to do to get those fresh fruits. She'd have to do with the next best thing, asari food. She felt like if she bought any more asari products, she'd turn into one herself.

     Yet again, Garrus stayed watching her as she looking in confusion at all the food that surrounded her. None looked remotely familiar. She didn't want to pick anything up to sniff it, afraid that the clerk would get mad and kick her out. Being a human already made her look bad.

    “Do you know how to prepare any of it?” Garrus asked and she shook her head, “I'm sure they sell recipe books. Don't be discouraged, I can't even cook.”

    “I'm know other humans have adapted to this, but I've never even seen any of this type of food before,”

    “I'm sure you'll manage. I've heard that asari food taste an awful lot like Chinese food,”

     “You know what Chinese food is?” Just the thought of Chinese food made her lips curl into a smile. She remembered her late nights studying for exams and eating take out in her home.

    “I like humans a lot,” he whispered, his hand grazed hers.

    “I see,” she pulled up a random recipe book, “I'll make something from this one.”

    She had the groceries delivered to Saren's apartment, she didn't know exactly what she bought, but she could make a couple of meals. She hoped.

   “How about we try this one Asari restaurant, just so you know what you're getting yourself into,” Garrus suggested.

    “You can't eat Asari food, can you?”

     “I can just watch you eat. I'll even pay,”

     She shrugged, “I guess that sounds ok.”

    She honestly wasn't ready to go home yet. She had so much she wanted to look at. There was so much of the citadel that she hadn't even seen, she wanted to to explore, but if she refused lunch with Garrus, he would likely take her home seeing as they'd done everything they needed to. She knew that she couldn't leave the house without him, and she'd probably get into big trouble with Saren if she tried to.

    The restaurant wasn't packed. Dinner was probably their most popular time of day. She noticed that a few humans worked there. Only one or two. She knew that if you were able to get a job as a human, you were likely free or forced to get one by her owner. She wondered if Saren would allow her to get a job, she'd have to ask, someday.

     Garrus was talking, but she wasn't listening. She was looking at the amazing things that were taking place around her. The busy stores and the people, the nightclubs, and vids, it was honestly as if Saren's apartment was inside a shopping mall. She only knew the calm inside of the walls, but outside, was a world she never knew. She hoped Saren would let her go out more. Hopefully on her own someday.

    “Did you have to buy new panties because he ripped them off before you fucked?”

    She let out an audible gasp. This statement was enough to get her to tune back in to what Garrus was saying.

    “What?” She asked, visibly shaken.

    “Just making sure you're still paying attention,” he confirmed.

    “You didn't have to say that, I have a name,” Jane stated.

     “You've barely touched your food,” he ignored what she'd said.

   She didn't even realize that her food had come out, she didn't even know she ordered. It didn't look to abnormal. It looked and smelled like human food, but off. Not bad, but not familiar.

    She took a bite, thankfully it was still warm. Who knew how long it's been there before Garrus decided to make his remark. It did taste like Chinese food, that was the first thing she noticed at least. It had the smallest taste of sweetness and the texture was of something like meat. She didn't know what kind of meat though. She could live with it.

    “So, I take it you and Saren are better now,” he asked.

     “I don't know what's happening,” she said, “I'm confused as to what he wants from me. The way he's been treating me changes. He's so nice to me now, but before…” she let the sentence end there.

     “He's a pretty confusing guy. Working under him is a pain, but it's my job,”

     “You don't like him?”

     “I can't say that I do,” he admitted, “The guy's always been a bit racist towards your kind. Then suddenly he buys a human and the prejudice is gone?”

     “Maybe, I changed him?” She suggested.

     “I doubt it. Saren had strong feelings about the topic, but I guess he heard the rumors that were floating around,”

     “Rumors?”

     “Ya know, sex with humans is an amazing experience, after that started, almost everyone was buying one,”

     “But...I don't think he'd spend that much, just for sex,”

    Garrus shrugged, “Like I said, he's a questionable man.”

    It made her think about a lot of things after Garrus had mentioned this. Did he just buy her for sex? He would've done it sooner if her did, right? He stroked her cheek when they met, he didn't buy her underwear, he was aroused during their fight, and now. He was so touchy before he left. He was angry about being called out for having a human fetish from Nihlus. Was that all she was? A fetish?

    “Don't dwell on it for too long, Jane. It's just a theory,”

   “Yeah,” she sighed, knowing the theory was likely already true.

   “Would you ever...you know, sleep with him?”

     Her hands glided up to her hair, where she found herself playing with a lock of it. The question was sudden, and oddly timed. She didn't know what to say to that.

    “I don't know. And even if I did, I wouldn't know what to do,” she sighed.

     “From what I hear, there's only a few differences,”

   “Why do you want to know?” She asked.

   “Just curious, I never really knew if human women were attracted to turians or not,”

    She shrugged, “Are you attracted to humans?”

    “Me? I'd say that I am. Now your answer,”

   She shrugged, “I can't tell, we're just so different,”

    “I'm attracted to you, Jane,” he disclosed.

     She was beginning to feel a bit strange. Uncomfortable, maybe.

     “You barely know me,” she chuckled.

    “But I think you're gorgeous,”

     There was silence on her end. She simply stuffed more food into her mouth so that she wouldn't have to speak.

    “I'm making you uncomfortable, aren't I?”

    She nodded.

    “Sorry,” he chuckled, “I tend to get lost in the moment.”

     “It's okay, I've just never been talked to like that,”

     “Wanna just package your food up and head home?”

    She nodded. Garrus called the waiter over and paid for the food. The entire time she had questions. None of which were too important. Would her dress fit. Could she cook as good as that restaurant, or would she have to eat small bites of the leftovers till Saren came back? Was Garrus the one with the human fetish? 


	8. Chapter 8

Late in the night she heard the sound of the door opening, then closing. She heard the sound of footsteps, footsteps that were normally heavy, but trying to be softer. She knew that it was Saren, coming home from the mission, but she wondered what his next move would be.

Jane had a bit of trouble sleeping that night, so she wasn't woken up by Saren entering. She was just surprised. When she received his message, she expected for him to be gone another week, but it'd only been two days. Had he come home early? Or did he overshoot the time span by a lot?

She still had so much money left on the credit chit he'd given her. The shopping spree she had, while expensive, didn't put a dent into the savings. The money was only supposed to be used when he was gone, she thought, so she would give the chit back to him in the morning. Although, it did make her excited the few days she had that much money on hand to spend.

The soft clatter of Saren taking off his armor in the other room was muffled, but she could still hear it. He was truly trying to be quiet for her. It made her feel special, but it also made her feel a bit guilty, seeing that she hadn't gone to sleep at all that night. 

Jane stepped out of bed and opened the door to look out at Saren. She watched as his nimble talons undid the clasp to his chest plate, then he slowly took the piece of metal and laid it gently against the floor.

She noted how dirty his armor was, how it was covered in bullet holes, but it was likely that it wasn't going to be replaced. 

She had once heard a story from a former CO, when she asked why he refused to buy new armor, despite the fact that his was filthy and worn. He told her that his armor had sentimental value, that his father had bought him that armor when he went into alliance training. The armor meant so much to him, that going on a mission without his armor, was seen as disrespectful to him. When he told her this, she thought back to the armor that her mother had bought for her when she began training. It was nothing special, a light armor made for beginners that likely wouldn't last outside of training, but she loved it. It was only worn a few times before she was dragged from her home, leaving it and everything else she loved behind. 

“Saren,” she called into the darkness, she watched as his head turned to look at her, “It's late.”

“I apologise,” he whispered, his underarmor being the only thing left now.

She shrugged, “I wasn't asleep anyways. How'd the mission go?”

“It was difficult, that's for sure,” he grunted, lifting his arms above his head to stretch out his sore muscles.

“Thanks for, ya know, sending me all of that money,” she sighed.

He was suddenly stepping towards her, placing his rough hands against her shoulders. She was still so unused to his touch, it made her flinch ever so slightly.

“You don't have to thank me Jane, the money would have sat and went to waste anyway,”

She felt that if she was going to get comfortable with Saren, she'd have to complain, “But did I really have to have an escort?”

“What do you mean?” He slipped passed her into the bedroom and she followed. As he began to undress, she covered her eyes with both hands.

“Garrus,” she said, not knowing exactly where he was, but speaking anyways, “You told him to accompany me on my shopping trip.”

She heard the rustling of clothes, “I told him to do no such thing.”

“That's what he told me!” She protested.

“Well that was a lie,” he spat, “I’m also finished changing now, Jane.” He added.

Uncovering her eyes, she was met with a Saren who was dressed in his pajamas. He was likely going to sleep after such a long mission. She wanted to ask if he planned to sleep on the couch again, but she had more to add to this conversation with Saren about Garrus.

“He told me that you hated humans,” Jane mumbled.

“I did,”

“He told me that you really hated humans, and that you only stopped after you bought me, but you only bought me after-” she stopped herself, not knowing how to finish off the rest of the sentence.

“After what?” He question.

“After you heard a rumor,”

He sat down on the bed, looking up at her, “A lot of rumors go on around my crew, you'll have to be a bit more specific.”

Embarrassed, with flushed cheeks, she spoke, “A rumor that sex with a human feels really good.”

Things got quiet. Really quiet. Quiet to the point that she could actually hear the chatter of the citadel from inside the bedroom. She let the words sit in the air, hoping that maybe he'd say something about how that was true and that he's a changed person now or how it wasn't true and those things were just lies. Instead, she got silence, until she heard a chuckle.

She looked up at the bed to see Saren, taloned hand over his mouth, chuckling. The sight baffled her to say the least. She didn't know what to do. Had the mission drove him insane? Was there something wrong? Had his translator glitched and he finally heard what real human language sounded like? She did not know, but when his stifled laugher stopped he let out a sigh, the type of sigh you released when you had one of the best laughs.

“Jane, did you honestly believe that?” He held in more laughter.

She nodded a bit. It was so strange hearing how comforting his voice got when he was happy.

“That rumor was started by Garrus, everyone knows that he has a bit of a human fetish,” he joked, “If I wanted to have sex with a human, I would've just picked up a hooker.”

“Then, why did you buy me?”

Saren shrugged a bit, “Can I tell you another time?” He asked her and she nodded.

She placed a hand against his shoulder. She didn't know why, but she did. The subject of why he bought her, seemed to be a touchy one, and she couldn't help, but feel like the answer would be something she would only get if she got closer to him. 

He sat his hand against her stomach, then eased her into his lap, with little protest. She couldn't tell if she was okay with this because she was tired or because she just wanted it. 

Saren rested his hand gently against her cheek. She knew that he could feel the heat, especially since she was blushing. She nuzzled her face into his hand, placing hers over his. He felt softer this time, likely because she felt a bit more comfortable with him touching her. Only a bit.

“I filed my talons down,” he said, “I could tell the length of them was bothering you.”

“Yeah, it hurt when you grabbed me,” she purposely left out how they scratched her face when he slapped her.

He rubbed the pad of his thumb gently up and down her cheek, it was a soothing act, “I've never had much reason to file them. Turian woman find long talons attractive.”

“So, you wanted a girlfriend?” She asked.

She watched his mandibles flutter slightly. She was so curious about it, before he had the chance to open his mouth and speak, she took one into her hand.

He let out and audible gasp, nearly letting her got to drop to the floor, but he grabbed her and pulled her back up on his lap before that could happen.

“I'm sorry,” she breathed, still a bit shaken from all the sudden movements.

“No no, I have no control over them, I can get why you're curious,” he chuckled. The Saren she knew before would not have been so understanding. This sudden change in character was still jarring for her.

“What do they do?” She asked, this time keeping her hands firmly placed in her lap so not to touch him again.

He thought for a moment, “Our mandibles are just like human lips. They are what we use to express ourselves. They can also be seen as an erogenous zone during sexual acts.”

“I see,” she said as she began to pull herself up from his lap, he quickly sat her back down though. She wanted to get away before embarrassment sunk in and she wouldn't be able to contain herself.

“I'm not upset,” he said, “you didn't know.”

“Why is it that every time I touch you somewhere, it turns you on?”

“Because you're beautiful,”

She chose to change the subject, “ So, will you be sleeping here tonight? Since you know I won't be running away, I can sleep on the couch.”

“Actually,” he began, “I was hoping we could share the bed tonight.”

She stayed quiet. What could she say to this? She was terrified to sleep in the same bed with him when he was hostile, and she turned him down when he was drunk. This new, nice Saren would certainly be a challenge to lie next to. 

“I think I'll be okay on the couch,” she nodded, pulling herself from his lap. This time, he did not try to pull her back, instead her let her walk away. She was more than a little surprised. 

Jane turned back to look at him. He had his head angled down at his lap right where she sat. She took this time to look at his mandibles, they were pushed away from his face, being held stifly there. Did this mean he was sad? She couldn't tell.

“Well, goodnight, Saren,” she said, opening the door and stepping out. Before she let the door close, she turned back to look at him.

“Night, Jane,” he mumbled.

She let the door ease closed, the she threw herself onto the couch. She found a blanket and a pillow to sleep with and curled herself into a little ball.  
She struggled to sleep, no matter how hard she tried. She thought about the look in Saren's face. He truly looked sad, or she thought he did. She wished that she could read turians, that way, she could know what he was thinking.

Without knowing what she was doing, she slid the blanket off her back, then pulled herself up from the couch. Her feet carried her to the door and her hands opened it, all on their own. The door slid open, and she was greeted by Saren's large frame lying on his side in bed, likely asleep.

She stepped into the room, making sure to close the door behind her. She placed one knee on the bed, then the other. She placed her hand on Saren's strong back for support, then she lie on the bed.

Jane made sure to pull the blankets over herself, then ease closer to Saren for extra warmth. 

She had no idea what, she was doing or why she was doing it. Sleeping on the couch felt fine, and she had no problem with being there, but Saren. She hated that Saren was on her mind, and she hated that she was actually trying to please him, but she wanted to.

She felt Saren move on the side if the bed and she tensed. Was he awake when she crawled into bed with him? She hoped not. How would she explain this to him. She expected she would have an excuse by morning, but now was too early.

He rolled over, wrapping his tired arm around her waist. She felt his warmth engulf her and she could feel his breathing again her hair. She realized that this was the first time she'd ever seen him sleep, aside from when he was passed out drunk, but this was different. 

His breathing was slow and she could feel his chest rise and fall against his plating. He didn't snore or toss and turn too much. He just slept, and it was truly peaceful.

Watching him enjoy a night's rest made her too feel a bit tired. The way the bed felt when she wasn't alone and the general warmth made her eyelids feel heavy. Soon enough, she'd shut them and her body felt light as she drifted off into a deep sleep.

She awoke the next morning to find that the warmth was gone, and the other side of the bed was empty. Did Saren leave again during the night? Did he not want to lie next to her? She didn't know if he'd left late at night or early this morning. The sleep she has was some of the best she'd had in a while, so waking up from the feeling of movement wasn't going to happen.

Climbing out of bed, she neatly trew the blanket behind her, letting her feet hit the floor. She opened the door and stepped out. Noises could be heard from the kitchen, he had to be there.

“Saren,” she asked as she stepped closer to him.

“Good morning,” he chuckled, “I noticed you bought a recipe book, I thought I'd make you something for breakfast.” 

“Oh,” was all she could say. She had a lot of questions running through her mind, but the only thing to come out, was that.

“I hope I didn't wake you with all the noise I'm making,” 

She shook her head, “No no, it's fine.”

“Thank you, for last night,” he whispered, “I'm glad you chose to sleep next to me.”

“It was nothing,” she assured.

“It meant a lot to me,”


	9. Chapter 9

    As Saren tried to grow closer to her, she only felt herself pulling back. She thought she'd wanted to know the man, but now that she was here, in a situation where they could get to know each other, she was frightened. He was touchy and caring and nice and she had no idea what to do with him, or if there was something wrong with him.

     “Saren,” her grunted words were a bit muffled, “You're hurting me.” She gasped as he released her from the tight hug. He'd started doing that recently, catching the woman in the middle of doing something and then throwing his arms around her. He'd squeeze her tight and sometimes even lift her feet a few inches from the ground. All the while he'd purr and release a few clicks of happiness.

     “I'm sorry, Jane, you just look so beautiful,” Jane rolled her eyes as he said this. He'd also taking a liking to complimenting her.

    She couldn't help, but to think about Saren's sudden change in character. Whenever he wasn't around her, it was what she thought about. Was this truly the man that had bought her? They looked the same, sounded the same, smelled the same, but this man was not the same Saren. He was not the Saren who grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her wherever he wanted her to go. He was not the Saren that yelled at her when her work was incomplete or not up to his liking. He was not the Saren who called her inferior or filthy. He was a completely different person, but whenever she'd try to bring it up, he'd just apologise for his “past behavior”.

     Nihlus had told her that at work he was no different. He was still the same Saren. He fought the same and had the same general tone when speaking. He still spoke harsh words to those beneath him in the crew and bossed people around left an right. Something was off.

     Was it something that she'd done? Had the fight triggered something in him? He only got this way after the fight, after their talk on the kitchen floor, after their brief moment of ignoring each other, after he told her that he saw her as and equal. Had he repressed his feelings of joy behind racism and bigotry?

     “Jane, are you there,” he whispered into her ear and she jumped.

     “Yes, yes, I'm here,” she said. She began to rub her arms, the sound of his voice and his breath against her neck had given her chills.

     “Nihlus will be over soon. You've taken a liking to him, I notice you two talk quite a bit when I'm not around,” he spoke these words calmly, but she could tell by his general demeanor that he was upset.

    Jealousy was another huge thing that had began. It frightened Jane sometimes when a large turian began growling at her for speaking with someone else. Calming him back down was no easy task. She never knew exactly what to say. She'd make things worse and worse before she'd make them better with him. He was an animal through and through. It made her wonder if it was a turian things, or one of those things exclusive to Saren.

     “What do you mean 'taking a liking to’?” Jane grumbled.

     Saren shrugged, it was a habit he'd picked up from her, “I don't know. I just think he likes you.”

     “I'm sure he does. We're friends, friends like each other,” she felt as though she were explaining this to a child.

     The door pinged and Saren went to open it, leaving her alone in the kitchen. She could hear some banter between Saren and Nihlus. Their voices sounded muffled from a distance, but it didn't sound like fighting so she had no reason to worry.

    She finally stepped out, being greeted by a face full of flowers from Nihlus’ hand before she could open her mouth. The scent filled her nose, reminding her of the garden she'd visit when she was home. Her hands grasped the bouquet and she let her nose sink into the smell. Her eyes closed as she inhaled and imagined she was back home.

    “I told you she'd like them,” Nihlus bragged.

    She nodded into the flowers, “I love them. They smell like home.”

    Saren visibly flinched, but didn't say anything. He never said it, but her was upset that his people took her from home. That's how she interpreted it at least.

    “I hope you don't mind, Jane, but I'll be taking your mate out for a while,”

    “Where are you going?” She asked.

    Nihlus began to open his mouth, but Saren stopped him, “He's taking me to a club.”

    “A club?” She repeated dumbfounded, “like, a nightclub?”

    Saren nodded and nudged Nihlus to nod too, which he did. They were most definitely lying, but she didn't say that she knew, she pretended that she believed them.

    “How long will you be out?” She knew that if she asked a bunch of questions, one of them would slip up.

     “We don't know just yet,” Nihlus.

    “Where will you he going?”

    “Flux,” Saren this time.

    “Will you be drinking?”

    “Only a little, you don't have to worry this time,” Saren again.

    “Nihlus, how tall are you?” They were taken aback by this seemingly random question.

    “Oh, I'm bad at human measurements. I'm seven foot…,” he trailed off, “I don't remember.”

    “Saren, what color are my eyes?” She stepped closer to him so he could get a better look at her face. Saren's mandibles fluttered at the sudden gesture and closeness, but he spoke.

    “I'm sure you know the color of your eyes,” Saren said.

    “I want you to say it,” she protested.

   “They're green,” he sighed and she pulled back, looking then both in the eye. One last question and she knew she'd have them.

    “What club are you going to?” She asked once more.

    “We already told you, Chora’s Den,” Nihlus piped up.

    “Wrong!” She shouted, “You told me Flux. Now where are you really going?”

   Saren chuckled, but stopped himself before he fell into a fit, “People make mistakes when you do rapid fire questions like that.”

   “Uh-huh,” she was still skeptical, but she let them leave. Watching as they walked off into the distance. She knew they weren't going to a club. Following them by herself seemed out of the question, a human all alone on the streets of the citadel, just looked out of place. She thought on it a moment before deciding she had the perfect idea.

    Jane pulled up her omni-tool, almost smiling thinking about how Saren had bought it just for her, but she stopped herself. She called Garrus. He was the only one she could think would do it, if anyone.

   “Garrus,” she didn't know why she was whispering, but she was.

     “What is it?” He mumbled back. He had likely just woken up, he had been away on a mission for almost a month and he was probably tired. She felt bad for bothering him, but she noticed how his voice was a few octaves lower than usual, giving it even more of a growl tone. His voice already drove her wild, but this, this was the selling point.

    “Can I ask you to do something super super important?”

     He sighed, “It depends, how bad is it.”

     “I need you to spy on Saren for me,”

     “I don't think Saren wants to see me after that whole, lying about having to escort you around deal,” he chuckled, “I never took you to be the jealous type, I like it.”

     She grunted, stomping her foot, “I'm not jealous!” The words came out louder than she anticipated, “Saren is doing something suspicious, he lied to me, but I know he's up to something.”

    “You and your boyfriend have a strange dynamic,” he sighed and she could hear the sound of the bed creak as he stood up, “I'll do it, but you owe me. Big time.” He grunted those final words and she shuddered.

    “Thank you, I'll pay you back, I promise,”

 

                     ooooOOOooo

 

    Saren felt guilty about lying to Jane. He'd never wanted to, but coming right out and telling her would be problematic, to say the least. He'd rather not have her know what he was doing, not until it was time.

    “Why do I have to go with you?” Nihlus groaned.

    “You're the one who knows the guy,” He snapped back.

    “You should've asked Garrus for help on this. He's the expert at this stuff,”

    “Garrus lied to spend the day with my Jane, I don't think we should talk for a while,”

     “Well that's going to be hard, he's right behind you,” Nihlus pointed a taloned finger behind the other man and sure enough, there he was.

    He looked tired and drained. Saren could only think that it had been a major emergency to make the man come out of his bed after such a long mission. Saren's missions didn't last as long as his did, but when he was younger, he'd have missions that went on for months, especially with the war going on. He'd come home with sore joints and be extremely tired. He'd lie in bed for a week, then get up to do if again. His missions weren't like that anymore, usually only lasting a week, it seemed like the higher in rank you got, the shorter your mission got.

    “Can I help you,” he spat the words out at Garrus.

     Garrus shrugged a bit, making him think of Jane, but he shook that thought from his head. The last thing he'd want to do is associate Jane and Garrus together.

   “I'm not going to lie because my body feels like a bag of rocks. Jane sent me. She wants me to spy on you to find out what you're really doing, but I'm super  _ super  _ tired, so can you just tell me what you're doing,”

    “We're buying pills,” Nihlus spoke up.

    Saren saw Garrus’ mandibles tighten against his face in a state of shock.

   “Not like that!” Saren corrected, “They're for Jane.”

   “Why, is she sick?” Garrus’ voice filled with worry.

    Saren shook his head, “No, she's in a perfect state of health. The pills are for…” he couldn't say it, especially not to a soldier beneath him. This information was personal, to be kept between him and Nihlus, and Jane when the time came.

    “The pills are for Jane's dextro allergy. It's so they can have sex without the condom.” Nihlus spoke again.

    “I wished you'd stop doing that!” Saren's blood was boiling, “and they're not only for sex. I want to kiss her and share food with her.”

   Silence befell them as Garrus stifled a laugh.

   “Is something funny, boy?” Saren barked, his longclaw poking Garrus in the chest.

    “I've got some of those pills at my place,” Garrus began, “I'll give a new lie to Jane. A more believable one, and I'll give you the pills. No charge.”

   “I told you we should've gone to him first,” Nihlus spoke up and Saren scoffed.

    Garrus pulled up his omni-tool, calling Jane. When Saren bought her that omni-tool it was to specifically send messages to him and him alone, seeing Garrus call her made him sick.

    “Hey, Garrus,” she chimed. Her voice sounded beautiful, even if you weren't hearing it in person.

    “Jane, I caught up with Saren,” he said.

   “Really!” The excitement in her voice was palpable, “What's he doing? Was he really lying to me?”

    “Well he was lying to you, I'm sorry to say,”

    She sighed and Saren felt his heart break, “It's okay. Thanks.”

    “Don't have up before I tell you what's going on,” Garrus began, “Saren and Nihlus are out picking you a gift. Something really expensive. I couldn't see what it was, but I'm sure you'll love it.”

     He could hear her giggle, now he'd really have to buy her a gift, or this happiness would go to waste.

     “Saren's so nice. He didn't have to lie about that, but he did. I'll act surprised, I promise,”

    Saren's mandibles fluttered again. No matter how hard her tried to calm them down, they had a mind of their own. He had to buy her the most exceptional gift there was, or multiple exceptional gifts, something that would please her.

    “Goodbye, Jane,”

    “Bye, Garrus. Thanks again.”

    Garrus turned back to the two older turian men. Saren could safely say, he'd been done a favor by this man. It wouldn't give him any special treatment from Saren, but now he hated the man a bit less.

    “And if you need lessons on how to sleep with a human, or anyone for that matter, don't be afraid to ask,” Garrus announced and suddenly, Saren hated him much much more than he could describe.


	10. Chapter 10

   Saren was thinking. He was thinking long and hard. He had to find someway to give, Jane the pill, but nothing came to mind. Nothing that didn't require him to go against her trust.

   He wanted to crush it up and put it in her food or water, but something about that felt, creepy. He didn't want to ask her to take it, she'd ask what it was then he'd have to explain himself, he doubted he'd be able to. Saren owned Jane, ordering her to take it with no questions asked seemed to be a good idea, but she'd be scared of him.

   He sighed. He couldn't think of anything and sleeping with her without it was out of the question. His allergies weren't as bad as hers were. He experience only a slight tingle on his tongue when they kissed, but she described a feeling of numbness with her. That was only a trading of saliva, who knew what would happen if he attempted to sleep with her. He didn't even know if she'd had sex before.

    Saren had absolutely no idea how the human body worked. It made him more than a little angry that he didn't know such a thing, he'd been living with a human for almost a year. He couldn't go to Garrus, he'd only do that if he was truly desperate, and he was far from that, but what would he do if he managed to give her the pill? Where would things go from there? How would he bed her?

   Driving himself insane with questions didn't appear to be the way to go. He couldn't just ask Jane how humans had sex and what she had going on down there. She barely responded to his romantic efforts, it was unlikely that she would allow him to ask such dishonorable things.

   So, the next best thing would have to do. He took to the extranet. Looking up human anatomy and how to have sex with the species. It was difficult to do such a thing, he was embarrassed and he tried to keep his mandibles in one place.

    Jane was right outside that door. She was making herself a meal from the book. He knew that she'd be in there for an hour or two, trying to figure out which ingredient was which and how to prepare the food properly. Watching her cook was a humorous thing to do, she was so confused and when she got confused, she got angry. He saw her throw a fruit down in frustration.

_ “This is stupid,”  _ she'd shouted, almost like a child. She was so different when she knew he wasn't watching.

     He turned his focus from Jane back to the massive number of anatomy charts and diagrams. Humans were very fleshy, with all of their organs in their torso. The grew hair not only from their head, but also grew little tiny hairs all over their body. He'd never noticed.

    They had two pieces of flesh in the side of their head. Their ears, it was what they used to hear. Apparently as a form of foreplay, humans would lick and kiss the outer ear, Saren took note of this down on his datapad, he'd come back to study it later.

    He read how males and females were differentiated, then proceeded to read about the females of the species. Human females were usually shorter than their male counterpart and they had a smaller bone structure. They possessed visible breast, asari and quarian were the only others who had these. They enjoyed having an erogenous zone on the breast toyed with, another form of foreplay, he took another note of this.

    From the kitchen he could hear Jane. She'd dropped something, then cursed just beneath her breath. No matter how badly he wished to go and comfort her, he stayed where he sat and continued to do research.

                        ooooOOOooo

    “Shit,” she cursed as the knife fell to the floor. Cooking was hard and she was terrible at it. The Asari had to have worked a deal with some sort of mystical being to be able to do this. Earth food was easy, but these asari made recipes would be the death of her.

    She wanted to ask Saren for help, he'd cooked with this stuff before, so she was sure he could do it again, but she needed to do it in her own for a change. What would she do when Saren was away on a mission? She couldn't just eat take out every single day he was gone, although the thought sounded tempting. If Saren could do it, she could too, how hard could it be?

   As her mind was on Saren, she noticed that he was acting a bit different today. Usually, he woke her up with a kiss, then he'd go to make her breakfast, but they didn't even sleep in the same bed. He said he 'had something on his mind’, he he didn't specify. She wondered what Saren could be thinking so intensely about. She wondered if he wanted to send her away.

    Jane didn't know why that was her first thought, but it could be true. He was attempting to romance her, in a way, and she was rejecting him, in a way. She found it hard to look at Saren that way. He looked so different. He's tall, muscular, and he's covered in hard plating. The man was just too different than any other human she'd been with. Did turians even have the same…? She stopped herself there. She didn't want to know.

    Could she sleep with Saren if she absolutely had to? The thought of sleeping with a Turian never crossed her mind until she'd moved in with him. Now suddenly, it was all she was thinking about. Would she be willing to try if given the chance? Well, Jane found it difficult to think that, she'd already been given the chance to sleep with him.

     On the couch, after he confessed to seeing her as an equal. They kissed. The Turian way, then the human way. The way he sunk into the human kiss still made her a bit flustered, but she noted how he stroked her thigh. He was going to sleep with her had she not stopped him. She asked herself if she was okay with what had happened in that situation. She couldn't say that she wasn't okay with it, but she was uncomfortable. Mainly because it was Saren.

    She shook the thought from her mind. Why was she thinking such things. She would do her best to keep her relationship with Saren at a friendly level, but that would be difficult. It made her wonder, did she really want to sleep with him?

    Jane heard Saren's footsteps approaching. She wouldn't know what to say to him, seeing as she hadn't seen him since yesterday. She had no idea why he was avoiding her in such a way, had she done something wrong.

    “Jane,” he said, “You're getting better at this."

    She looked down at the mess of chopped food. It barely looked edible, he was lying to her, she knew it, “Yeah, thanks.” She grumbled.

    “I mean it,”

    Had he only stopped by to compliment her? For Saren, that wasn't too strange, but his general attitude was weird all day. He was planning something, she knew it.

     “I can safely say, that by the end of next year, I'll be able to make something edible,” she joked.

     “Well, why do we go out for turian food sometime?” He asked.

    She smirked, “That's nice and all, but I'm literally allergic to the stuff.”

     “What if you weren't?”

     “What do you mean?”

    He opened his taloned hand, revealing a blue pill. It was tiny, she could barely see it, but it was there.

     “If you take this, you won't have your dextro allergies. For the rest of the day at least, but I have plenty,”

     “So, I won't get sick?” She asked.

     “Not at all,”

    She took the pill, pinching it between her fingers, “But I'd have to take it everyday, right?”

     “You'd have to take it everyday you planned to-” he coughed slightly, “-ingest dextro things.”

     “I see,” she grabbed a cup from the side of the sink and filled it with water, the entire time, Saren watched her intently. She placed the pill against her tongue, then took a long swig of water. She felt the pill go down her throat with the liquid, but let it sink.

    “Now, we wait thirty minutes, then we can go out for dinner,”

   He sounded far too happy saying this. Saren's planning something, she thought, but she didn't know what.

    If this pill was truly what he said it was, then she would be able to ingest all types of dextro things. Saren was a dextro thing. She grimaced. He'd try to sleep with her, she knew it. Jane knew the day would come, but she never expected it to be so soon. She was ashamed to say that she was nervous.

     Thirty minutes went by and she had just finished cleaning up the mess she'd made trying to cook. She had no use for this large mess of food today, since they were going out to eat, but tomorrow would be a disaster.

     Saren stepped out, giving her a smile. So far that was the only turian facial expression she knew by heart, but she was learning slowly. She looked down at her feet, taking his hand. Her heart was pounding and her mouth went dry.

    She had had sex since before the war and even then, she was having a bit of a dry spout. Guys wanted to have sex with her of course, but she'd spent so much time studying and training, that she didn't have any energy for romance. She regretted that now, seeing as her first time having sex in almost two years, would probably be with a Turian.

   She'd barely noticed that her and Saren had sat down at a restaurant and he was sitting impeccably close to her. She turned her head away, feeling at his sniffed her hair slightly. She'd seen turians do this before, but never knew what it was. Now she had a general idea.

    “Saren, we should order something,” she chuckled out nervously and he nodded, pulling away from her.

     She looked down at the menu, from what she could tell, turians ate a lot of meat, but barely any vegetables. She couldn't tell what any of this food was, so she struggled to order. The females turian waitress grew impatient, she stood in front of their table with her arms crossed, Jane was glad to see this gesture was universal.

     “She'll have the special,” Saren jotted in and the waitress wrote it down, walking away after that.

     “I'm sorry, I just can't read it,” she sighed.

     “I'm not angry with you,” he slid his hand down to her thigh, she shivered, “You didn't do anything wrong.”

     She found it hard to speak. Words just wouldn't come out. He caressed her thigh in a way that'd made her shiver, she hadn't been intimate in so long, she had no idea what to do. Did she want this? Was she ready to have sex again? Was she ready to do it with Saren?

     Jane looked in his eyes, he looked back down at her. What if this was all just for some fetish? Would it just be a one time thing, or would he continued to sleep with her? She had too many questions and not enough answers.

      “Tell me to stop and I will, Jane,” his hand eased up her thigh.

      “I just don't know,” she admitted, “I'm not sure I'm ready.”

    The warmth of his hand left her thigh, he was so quick to agree. She looked down at her lap. Her palms rested firmly against it. She could feel her heartbeat in her throat and she was sure she was going to vomit. Jane breathed out, not even realizing she was holding her breath, reached her hand up, and grabbed his fringe.

    His response was quick. He growled and dug his claws into the table. She grew frightened, pulling her hand back quickly.

    “No, Jane, it felt good,” he assured.

     “I've never seen someone react that way to pleasure,” she joked.

     “You've never been with a Turian,” he took her hand and guided it back up to her fringe, this time keeping his sounds to a minimum.

   A few growls still slipped out through gritted teeth, but he did his best to contain himself. All the while, have was digging her nails into his fringe.

   Saren's hand found her breast and she gasped. He gave the flesh a gentle squeezed. Jane found herself moaning as he did this, it'd been so long since she'd done this, she forgot how good it felt.

    “Excuse me,” Jane quickly lifted her hands as if she'd committed a crime when she heard the waitress’s voice, “You'll have to do that somewhere else.”

    “Of course. Can you pack this up to take home?” Saren asked.

   The waitress walked off, likely implying that she wasn't going to do anything for a turian who had sex with humans.

    Saren grabbed Jane's wrist, “let's take this home, huh?”

   She nodded in response and followed as Saren basically pulled her out of the restaurant.

   She could tell how impatient Saren was the entire walk home. The way he speed passed crosswalks and pushed people made it obvious. He'd groped her at random times during the walk, causing her to jump, then moan. The walk was truly a long one.

    Saren nearly threw her into the house once the door was open. She landed on the couch, watching as he practically ripped his shirt off.

    “Saren,” her voice shook a bit, “Slow down, I'm not going anywhere.”

     He kissed and licked down her neck. Not responding to anything she'd said. She sighed and leaned into his mouth plates, the sensation was such a strange one, but she found that she enjoyed it.

    Saren unzipped her dress and she slid it down her hips, letting it pool at her feet. Jane noticed that Saren stopped. Was an almost naked human too much for him. The lighting was too good, he could see her and she was sure he wasn't attracted. She eased her hands over her torso to cover herself.

    “You're really pretty, Jane,” he said and she blushed.

    “Please, let's get to the point, this is embarrassing,”

    Saren pulled her into an embrace. He was trying to get the cloth away from her breast, but so far he saw no way of doing it, do he did the next best thing, he ripped it from her body.

   “Saren!” She gasped in protest, but her stopped get cries with a kiss. His tongue slid into her mouth, enjoying the taste of her.

   The kiss made her forget that they were two different species. She found herself moaning and panting and grabbing his fringe for support. It'd been so long since she'd been this aroused, she felt like her knees were going to give out any time soon.

    Saren pulled away, earning a whimper from her. His mouth moved over her bare breast. He had absolutely no idea what to do with these, but he noticed how some of the skin was a light cherry pink color, he supposed he'd have to lick that.

    Sticking his tongue out, Saren ran his tongue up and down the bud. It got harder beneath him and Jane was a moaning mess, that meant he was doing something right, he thought. He grabbed her hips and held her in place, the pleasure making her squirm.

    “Do you like that, Jane?” He asked, blowing a bit of breath against her nipple.

     She was struggling to catch her breath to speak. She wanted to say something, but she was panting from mere foreplay. Her hands shook and they grabbed his fringe, making him growl, “I love it.” She finally managed to get out.

    Saren took this as a sign to continue, taking the other rose bud into his mouth and giving it kick from his tongue. She was trembling, but still moaning and pulling his fringe with passion.

   He eased her back onto the couch, eyeing the fabric that covered her womanhood.

    “I'll take this one off,” she said when she noticed his hands going near it.

   She slid her panties down to her knees, then pulled her feet out of them placing then neatly down next to her dress in the floor.

   Saren was quick to pull her knees apart and open her legs. She was dripping wet. He took his finger and dipped it slightly inside her, she was so warm and soft on the inside, it felt nothing like a turian woman. She was moaning from his simply sliding a finger in. Her knees shook a bit.

   He pulled his finger back out, noting that her wetness still drenched his finger, “I read that the female made lubrication when she was aroused, but I never expected it to be this much.” He finally spoke, taking his finger into his mouth and tasting her.

    “Who lubricates with turians?” she spoke between pants.

    She bit her lip to hold back a mean as he eased that finger back into her, “Well, the male does.” He spoke calmly as he pumped his finger in and out if her. Her back was arching against the couch and Saren held her thigh to make sure her legs wouldn't close.

    “God, Saren!” She shouted as another finger made its way inside her. She was no longer in control of the things her body did underneath this form of pressure. Her nails were digging deeper into Saren's fringe, she wanted to pull back, in fear of hurting him, but she needed something to keep her from screaming.

    He pulled out, leaving her with a slight empty feeling. She thanked whatever God she could for that brief moment, but she knew it was far from over.

    Saren finished undressing. He pulled his pulled his pants down to reveal an erection. A very very large erection. She noted that his penis had ridges and was a noticeable blue color. She looked him in the eye, suddenly, she was very afraid again.

    “Don't worry, I'll go slow,” he assured and she nodded.

    He stroked it a few times before pressing it against her opening. He wasn't even in yet, but she could feel the lubricant coming off of him, she was surprised that what he said was true.

   She could already feel herself stretching to accommodate him as he eased the tip inside her. She gasped at the feeling. It was truly as big as it looked, and there was so much more.

   Slowly, at a snail's pace, more and more of him filled her. With each in she grew louder and louder, her soft whimpers turning into the moans of a woman who was truly being pleasured. Reaching all the way to the base, Saren let her take a moment to breath before he continued. Jane didn't know if she was proud or afraid by the fact that she was able to take so much.

   Saren looked down at her face. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes closed tightly. She'd started to hold on to his back, digging into it when the feeling got to be too much for her.

   She was so warm on the inside, warm, soft and wet. Saren was doing his very best to hold back and not ravish the woman, but that was taking everything he had. She gave him a nod, a sign that it was okay to start, and he slowly eased himself out until only the tip stayed inside, the he slammed himself back in. She let out a harsh scream, one he wasn't sure was of pain or pleasure. Was he being too rough with her?

   “Jane?” He spoke in a worried tone.

    She opened her eyes slowly, only letting out a little moan to show that she heard him.

    “Am I hurting you?” He questioned and she shook her head lazily.

    “Does it feel good,” he asked and she nodded.

   Saren took this as his sign to continue. His thrust inside her being more than a little rough. Each time he went in, he'd earn a little moan and a slight thrust up from her own hips. It made him feel a bit more accomplished.

    Jane moaned and panted as he pace only quickened. Each thrust being more pleasurable than the last. And his ridges, the mere thought of them made her quiver, they added a texture to him, a texture that only amplified his strokes. She knew an orgasm would come soon, but she held back as best she could, not wanting the moment to be over yet.

   “Yes, Saren more!” She moaned out. This seemed to make him go even faster inside of her. She felt herself losing even more control. Her toes curled as she felt that familiar knot form in her abdomen. Before she knew it, the knot had burst, spilling the pleasure all over her body. Her body convulsed as she orgasmed, but this only made Saren go harder. The feeling of him mixed with the sensitivity she was feeling after her orgasm, she thought she was going to cry.

    His talons dug into her hip, his other placed against her thighs, holding it open. She'd orgasmed, now he'd have to too. He grunted, feeling her wetness drip down his leg. She took his fringe into her hands again, almost sending him over his breaking point, but he stopped himself before, pulling out and earning a sigh of disapproval from her.

     He placed himself close mouth, noticing how she looked him in the eye. Did she not know what she was supposed to do with it? He'd heard that humans were able to perform oral on men, unlike Turian women, who had the wrong shaped mouth.

    She gave his penis a gentle stroke, his fluid covering her hands. She looked up at him, for a bit longer then took the tip into her mouth. He had a strange taste to him, it wasn’t a bad one, but it was truly different. She tried to slowly get him into her mouth, if she did it all at once, she'd surely break her jaw.

   She kept at a slow steady pace. Her body still wasn't ready for harsh movements after the unbelievable sex she'd just had. Instead she used her hands to do most of the work, the sound of Saren grunting with each flick of her tongue only making her work harder.

    Saren's hands found the back of her head. Holding her head down as he seeded her. His liquid shooting into her mouth. She noted how thick it was. Saren told her she'd have no allergies, so she thought it'd be okay to swallow it, so she did. She gulped it down, letting the stickiness fall down to her stomach.

    He pulled back and she looked him in the eye. He was panting and he fell down in the couch next to her. His head falling back and looking up at the ceiling.

   “We should've done that much  _ much  _ sooner,”


	11. Chapter 11

  She awoke to the feeling of hard mouth plates being pressed against her neck, merely letting out a whimper. His tongue ran up and down the nape of her neck, making her shiver before opening her eyes completely.

    Saren's hand cupped her breast and she could feel his erection rubbing against her back. Again? She asked herself, she knew she couldn't go for anymore.

   The night before was such a blur, yet she remembered all of it completely. It was confusing, but it made sense in her head. She remembered how hot it was. She was sweating. Her hands dug into his back and her toes were curling on their own.  Her back arched like a bow and she nearly howled out as orgasm after orgasm ripped through her. All the while, Saren would stop, take a short break, then start back up again.

     “Saren, no more,” she groaned, pushing his hand away.

    He chuckled, rubbing himself against her more, “Are you sure?” He purred.

    “Positive,” she felt a burning between her thighs. Rubbing against Saren's hard plating like that was far from good for her, she would have to avoid having sex with him again till it healed, “I have to clean up our mess.”

     He only sighed and pulled away, letting her finally get away from his hold. She took this to her advantage before he changed his mind and climbed from the bed. She had nearly forgotten that through the night of passion, they'd ended up here.

    “Come back soon,” he said.

    “It'll take a long time to fix what we've done,” and with that, she left.

    The floor was covered in the clothes that had gotten clawed off and there was a couple of stains on the couch from where their fluids had mixed together. It made her shiver, who knew sex had so much liquid.

   Jane found the dress she'd taken off the night before and slipped it back on, promising herself that she'd take a bath later, but this problem was much much worse.

    Falling to her knees, her hands rummage through the cabinets to find the cleaning supplies. She would surely need something strong to rid herself of such a monstrous sight, or he could just buy a new couch, Saren was rich after all.

     The sound of a ping at the door made her freeze. Frozen on her knees in front of the couch she looked at the door. How would she open it? There was no way she could allow someone to see this mess. It was either Nihlus or Garrus, those two came by the most. She'd have to stall them or get them to leave  until the place was clean.

    Another ping. Whoever it was, they were inpatient. She could tell that the were out there, arms crossed, foot tapping against the metal floor. She rose from her knees slowly, they buckled beneath her weight.

    “Jane, finish cleaning,” Saren snapped as he stepped out from the room. She released a sigh of relief and watched him open the door. Another turian was out there one she'd never met before.

    Saren quickly saluted when he saw the man. She'd never seen him jump into attention so quickly.

    “Primarch,” Saren stated, his voice strong.

    “At ease," the man said, brushing past Saren. He looked Jane in the eye and she found herself frozen again. His eyes shifted from her to the mess she was cleaning, making her face turn a deep red. He merely scoffed, but turned his attention away from her when Saren spoke.

    “I apologise, sir. Had I known you were coming, I would've prepared better,”

    “This is fine, I'm just here delivering some news,”

    “Is it bad, sir?” Saren asked.

    “Very,” he said, his eyes shifting towards Jane again, “but I'd rather not talk about it while  _ that  _ is here.”

    She knew that he was referring to her, but kept from saying something. She was even more afraid of this man that stepped in. Who knew what would happen if she stood up to him. Instead, Jane rose to her feet, taking one quickly glance at Saren. He nodded as a response and her feet carried her back to the bedroom, where she sat on the bed and attempted to listen to them talk.

    Of course, between the walls words only sounded like muffled gibberish. Nothing could be made out to her ears, she had no idea what they were saying. She took this time to make up her own idea of what she thought was happening.

   The turian waitress from the restaurant last night probably told of what she saw to her fellow turian co-workers. The news of Saren sleeping with humans spread all over the the citadel, while they were passionately having sex, until it reached someone in the military. That wouldn't be hard seeing as most turians went to the military. After it reached the military's database, the council would hear about it and be disgusted by such a thought, thinking they didn't want some who slept with humans in the spectre program. They'd revoc his status and they called his primarch to deliver the news personally, or at least, that's how it went in her head.

    Jane knew that that was probably far from true, but she also knew that she had something to do with this large turian male coming by to deliver a message. Normally, turians spoke freely in front of her, knowing that she couldn't do anything about the things she heard. Having her leave the room specifically, meant that it had something to do with her or humans in general.

    “Jane,” she heard Saren whisper. She didn't notice that he'd entered the room and he was staring at her from the doorway.

     “Yeah?” She responded.

     “Nothing, never mind,” he sighed.

     “What'd he say? The primarch, I mean,”

    “He told me some classified things, classified things that I can't really process right now,”

     A frown formed on her face, “Was it really really bad?”

   He nodded.

   “Does it have to do with humans?”

    He nodded again.

    She left the questions there and instead, turned towards comforting him. She stood on her tiptoes and draped her arms around his neck, pulling his close to her. She kissed and licked his mandible, making him purr just beneath his breath. His arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her closed to him.

     “I love you, Jane,” he whispered and she felt like time had stopped.

    What could she say? What would she do? She didn't want to say it back, because all in all, she didn't know if she loved him or not. She let the words hang in the air, hoping that if she didn't say anything, he'd take that as a sign that now wasn't the best time to be saying it.

     Another ping at the door and she nearly jumped out of her skin. Had the primarch come back for something else? She was hoping that she wouldn't have to see him again till the house was clean and no longer reeked of sex.

    “It's just, Nihlus,” Saren assured, “I asked him over to talk about the news.”

   She nodded and stepped closely behind him as he opened the door for the other male. Nihlus stepped in, and quickly covered his nose, making a face that she could only think of as disgust. She didn't think it's smelled that bad, but she knew that turians had amplified senses and this was likely much worse for him.

    “Spirits, Saren!” he yelled.

     “I'm, I'm sorry,” Jane stuttered. Why did she feel as this was only her fault. If anyone was to blame, it was Saren.

     “I'm not upset with you, Jane, I'm upset with this ball of repressed sexual feelings that couldn't warn someone that they'd had sex before inviting them over,”

    Saren scoffed, “There was no way I could properly word it to you that me and Jane had sex over a message.”

     “Anything would've done,” he removed the hand from his nose, “So, what'd the primarch say?”

     “The same thing he said to you,”

     “If what he says is true then-” Nihlus turned to look at Jane and she tensed.

     “What?” She asked.

      “You might just be getting free Jane,” Saren finished.

      She looked them both in their eyes. From their stone cold expressions, she knew that they weren't lying. She hadn't been free in such a long time. What would she do? But Saren said might, so getting her hopes up wasn't for the best. But if she did, how would she live her life? She'd grown used to living with Saren.

    “Jane?” Saren snapped his fingers in her face.

     She nodded to show him that she was there, for some reason, she just couldn't seem to get the words out. It was like they'd all tried to get out at once, but instead they just got stuck in her throat.

     “They're trying to start another war, human leaders were holding secret meeting with the batarians, if that's true, the they've got a lot more fire power,” Nihlus stated.

     “But even still, that's only one other race,” Saren added.

     “One race, but that's doesn't mean they won't go after the krogans. They also feel like they've been mistreated,”

      “That is true, but-”

    Jane cut Saren off, “So, I'd get to go home?” She finally asked.

   A sudden feeling of warmth washed over her body, nearly knocking her off her feet. Just the thought of touching Earth's soil again almost made tears well up in her eyes. Humans had finally done it. She hoped and prayed for so long, and now that she'd finally given up, they came back.

   Jane looked up at a silent Saren. He had this look in his eyes. It wasn't a good one. He was hurt.

     “Saren,” she whispered, “I didn't mean it like that.”

      He didn't say anything to her in response, he didn't even look her in the eye. He turned back to Nihlus as they continued to talk war strategies, ignoring her right there.

   Placing her hand against Saren's firm back, as the only sign of comfort she could think of, she let it rest there. He didn't flinch of pull away, so Jane allowed herself to keep her hand there, only her hand. She kept it there while they talked about stalking up on supplies and ammo, she kept it there while they mentioned the best ways to kill a human, and she kept it there when Nihlus left, saying that if there was to be a war soon, he wanted to be well rested for it.

    “Saren,” she said again.

    “What?” He barked, finally turning to look at her.

    “I love you too,” she whispered, taking a few steps back. Jane didn't look at him, she couldn't bring herself to look at him, so she kept her eyes glued to the floor.

    “Are you happy here? With me?” He asked her.

    She nodded, “it's been rough, but you've given me a good year, Saren.”

   “But if given the chance, would you go home?”

   She nodded again, “I miss the earth, I miss my people, I miss my home.”

   Saren sighed, “I'll never be able to give you a home,”

   “I know,”

   “But can you stay with me?”

   “I can,”

    He threw his arms around her, squeezing her tight. He lifted her of the ground, making her kick her feet.

    “Saren!” She growled. He didn't respond. He only squeezed her tighter, until she felt like she could pop.

   “Jane, let's have sex again,” she almost laughed at how nonchalantly he said this.

    “No no no!” She screamed as he put her down, “No more sex. You're too rough on me.”

   “I'll be gentle,” he assured, reaching behind her to unzip her dress.

   “No, not that,” she pulled back from his hand, “Your plates. They scratch my thighs and it hurts like hell now.”

   “I suppose it's because you humans are so soft,”

   “You turians are too hard,” she snapped back, “plus we don't need another mess to clean up. I've barely finished this one.”

   “I'll help you clean this up. And we'll do it in the bedroom the entire time,”

   “Saren,” she whined.

   “If you don't want to, we can wait,” he sighed out.

   “I just don't want to hurt my thighs anymore, isn't there anything we can do about it?”

   He had a thought, but then hissed at it. Going to Garrus was a last resort.

   “I'll look it up,”

   “Can't we just ask Garrus?” She said, almost as if she'd read his mind, “I'm just as embarrassed about it as you are, but he might know something. He's slept with humans before.”

    “I don't want him in this,” he growled, but she only sighed and pulled up her omni-tool, calling Garrus.

     He groaned when he answered. This was her second time bothering him this same week. He was probably already tired of her.

    “Jane, please, let there be an emergency, a good one,”

    She let out a nervous chuckle, “When, I rub against Saren, it chaffs and it bruises me up, got anything for it?”

     He let out another loud groan, “I've got some ointment, I'll be over in a minute.”

     “Thank you. Thank you so much,” she chirped.

     “Wait,” his voice suddenly grew serious, “have you heard the news?”

     “I have,” she sighed.

     “You really think it's going to happen?” He asked.

     “I wouldn't know, I've been here on the citadel, for almost a year, I have no idea what's going on outside,”

    “Well, if the humans do manage to get free, stop by sometime. I'd love to do you better than Saren ever could once he no longer owns you,”

   She blushed, but before she could say something else, Saren quickly shut off her omni-tool. He growled in her face and she nodded, knowing that that meant he was very angry with her.

    “You will do no such thing!” He hollered.

     “I know, I know, now get down here and help me clean this mess,” she ordered and he let out a deep exhale.

    Saren and Jane sat next to each other, towels in hand, cleaning up the mess they made before. She talked to Saren, something she hadn't really done before. Yeah, they spoke, but this was a deep intimate conversation. She felt like she was just telling him every little thing about herself.

   “So, what's your mother like,” she asked him after she told him a story about her mom's heroics in the military.

   “My mother was…” Saren trailed off a bit, “She was a loose cannon. She was a weapons expert and the best in hand to hand combat, but she wasn't in the military. She was a merc.”

   “I never would've expected that,” Jane chuckled.

   Saren nodded, “I didn't believe it either when she told me. She was so reserved after I was born. I guess my dad changed her.”

   She thought back to how Saren hated humans before he bought her. Had she changed him like his dad changed his mom?

    “Do you have any siblings?” She asked.

    “My parents didn't last long enough to have other children,”

    “What do you mean?”

    “They died after I was born,”

    Suddenly there was another ping at the door. Almost the third one today. Jane stepped up from her knees. She hated leaving Saren after hearing such an emotional story, but they had guest.

    Jane was greeted with the face of Garrus. He sniffed the air briefly and she tensed, she prayed he wouldn't react like Nihlus had.

   “I see you enjoyed it, huh, Saren?” he joked.

   “Quiet!” Saren shouted back, not looking the man in the eye.

   He handed Jane a pure white tube, “You can put some medi-gel in your thighs, but put this in between them before you do anything with Saren. It'll help with the chaffing.”

    “Thanks, Garrus,”

    “So, how was it?” He asked.

   She blushed, knowing what he meant, but not wanting to respond, “How was what?”

    “Don't play dumb with me, Jane, how was Saren's-”

    “Stop," Saren stood up with a growl, “That is none of your business."

    “It's my business when I'm supplying you with dextro allergy pills and ointment,”

     Jane shot and a look at Saren, who's mandibles fluttered when the information was leaked.

    “Is that where you went?” She asked.

    “Yes, but I didn't wish to lie to you,” he assured.

    “With all I'm providing for this sex life, I should be having sex with her too,” Garrus mumbled.

    Saren was fuming. His general demeanor changed and he looked almost the exact same as he did when he hit her that time. She wanted to calm him, but was too afraid to touch him when he was like this.

   “Garrus, I think you should stop,” she suggested, growing a bit worried for his safety.

    “It's was just a joke, Saren,” he spoke, his voice still cool and collected, “Jane watch out, you've got one of those Territorial turians.”

    She looked back to Saren. Hoping he'd calm down after Garrus left, but he was still panting. His body rumbled when he growled. Jane stayed back from him, hoping that showing him how afraid she was, would help him to cool off.

    “You're not actually thinking about sleeping with him, are you?” He snapped and she shook her head.

    Her feet guided her closer to him and she stroked his face, her fingers tweaking his mandible, “No, Saren, only you.”

    He sighed, then purred into the feeling of her fingers, his eyes closing as he sunk into it.

    “Jane,” he moaned, this time, managing to snake his arm around her back and unzip her dress.

   “At least let me put the ointment on first,” she protested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My girl Jane just wants to clean the couch.


	12. Chapter 12

   “What are you doing here,” she groaned at the turian.

    “Well, Saren's gone, so I thought you might be lonely,” Garrus chuckled.

   She moved so that she was out of the doorway, allowing him to come in, “That's stunt you pulled a couple of days ago, wasn't funny. Saren nearly killed you.”

    “I couldn't help, but to be honest,”

    “Honesty doesn't matter, I belong to Saren,”

    “If the war goes how the humans want it, you won't belong to anyone anymore,”

    She felt her heart throb in her chest. Everytime it was mentioned that she might be able to go home and be free someday, a sudden rush if conflicting opinions fell over her. Jane remembered that even though Saren treated her as an equal, she was not free, she was not able to do what others were. Inside the walls of the house, she was the same as everyone else, outside, she was beneath them.

    “Why aren't you at the meeting, with Saren?” She changed the subject.

    Garrus threw himself onto the couch, “Jane, you know that my military rank is far too low for me to be able to attend those types of meetings. I just point my gun where I'm supposed to and shoot.”

    “I'm sorry,” she said, “I didn't mean to offend you.”

    “The meetings are boring anyways. Plus, it means that Saren left his woman alone for the taking,”

    She sighed. That was all she could think to do. Sigh and hope that maybe that showed him that she wasn't interested. Well, she was interested, but Jane knew that if Saren had found out that she'd been with someone else, he'd commit a murder spree.

    Jane had found that after her many nights of sleeping with Saren, she thought random things about turians we're attractive.

    She'd already liked their voices, but it was other things too. The way they stood and spoke. She loved how tall they were and how to them, she was as light as a feather and could be picked up with ease. She loved it when they purred or growled. When their mandibles fluttered, showing that they were nervous, she felt like she could melt.

    “Too bad, you're going to be bored here too,” she told him.

    She went back to what she was doing before she was interrupted by Garrus. She was watching a show that came on only at a certain time of day. Usually at this time, Saren was home and bothering her with something, but while he was away at work, she had time to relax and watch her show.

    Garrus attempted to slither his arm around her shoulders, making her promptly slap it. She knew better than to fall into his charms. Her show was on and she was going to enjoy it. She'd already gotten rid of one sexed up turian, she didn't need another.

    “Jane,” he cooed, leaning closer to her ear.

    Placing the palm of her hand against his face, she promptly pushed him back.

    “And if the humans win?” He asked.

   She paused her show, “Huh?”

   “You heard me, Jane, if the humans win, what will you do?”

    She exhaled, “I really don't want to talk about this right now, Garrus.”

     “And why not? The war is inevitable. Human gatherings are getting more and more common because more human slaves are running away from their masters,” He took a lock of her hair into his hand, “They steal whatever they can before they leave and sell it to have money for weapons and armor. They're planning an attack, it'll be here soon. Will you run away too, Jane?”

    She turned away from him. Words didn't seem to be able to form, no matter what she was thinking. Saren let her keep the credit chit, she had the money and she had the freedom. If she ran away now, she'd be able to fight on the front lines for her people, she'd make her parents proud. Yet, something about going against Saren's trust like that, formed a knot in her throat. He'd been good to her, for the most part, could she really betray him.

   “I wouldn't know where to run to,” she said, that being the only thing she could think of as an excuse.

   “But then again, a high ranking turian officer living with a human formerly in the military, that wouldn't look good. You'd be seen as a spy, they'd probably make him get rid of you,”

    “What are you trying to do?” She asked, her voice trembling beneath the weight of her words.

    “I'm trying to be honest with you, Jane. I know Saren doesn't talk with you about a lot of this stuff. About what the war would mean for your relationship. I bet he can't even fathom having to give you up,”

    “Are you just trying to push me away from him so I can go to you,” her voice was a bit hitched. Why was she crying?

    “While I would really really  _ really  _ love to have sex with you, that's not what I'm doing,” His hand rested on hers, “I'm saying this as a friend. I'm not saying you shouldn't trust Saren, but try not to fall in love. This won't end good, for either of you.”

    She thought back to just the other day, when she heard news of the upcoming war, when she told Saren she loved him. When she spoke those words, did she truly mean them? They felt tight at the time, but the longer she thought about it, the more she was questioning herself. She never in a million years, thought that she would fall in love with someone like Saren, yet here she was, crying over the thought of having to leave him.

     “I don't know, Garrus,” she managed to get out, his warm hands began to wipe away the tears that stained her face. She didn't know what she didn't know, but at the moment those words felt right. They felt like what she was feeling. She was a constantly questioning herself, she just didn't know.

   “It's okay not to know,” he whispered, “I don't know about a lot of things, but I do know, that I love you.”

   She hiccuped, “I love you too, Garrus.”

   He pulled her into a hug and she rested her head against his chest. Turian chests we're so thick, she couldn't hear the sound of his heart beat, even with her ear rested against him like that, but he was warm, he was warm and comforting. He was purring, making her body vibrate slightly. She noted how Saren's purrs felt different than his did. Saren's were a lot strong and louder, Garrus’ had a weak feel to them and it made very little noise. She supposed it was because Saren was bigger and older than Garrus.

     She always got so sleepy after crying. It felt like after all the moisture let her body, she wasn't able to keep her eyes open anymore. Garrus wouldn't mind if she fell asleep there against his chest, rather, he'd be flattered, seeing as he liked her so much. She let her eyes sink close and her breathing deepen.

      “...to stay away!” She was awaken to the sounds of shouting. How long had she been asleep.

   Jane noticed that she no longer felt Garrus. His arms weren't around her and his chest was no longer her pillow. Had he left? She turned her attention back to the shouting. Saren.

    “What's going on?” she whispered. Jane was struggling to shake the sleep from her body.

   She got no response, other than a couple if sounds. Growling and ripping. She looked at the wall. This woke her up. Saren pressing Garrus against the wall, his arm against his throat. He was choking him.

   “What happened?” She asked, this time a little louder.

   This caught Saren's attention, he turned to look at her, “You're awake.” He said.

   Garrus to this as his chance to push the other man back, getting out of his hold. Saren barely stumbled, his body stayed up right.

   The two men continued to growl at each other, but neither made a move. She saw that they had a look of intention in their eyes. One intended to kill the other.

    “Stop!” she shouted as they ran at each other full speed. She could hear the growls and she saw their claws, ripping right through each other's clothes and drawing blood.

    “You hate humans,” Garrus threw a punch at Saren, he barely registered the pain. He barely moved.

    Saren punched back, “I love this one.” He snarled.

    Jane stood up with a sigh and placed her hand against Saren's shoulder.  She hated being this close to Saren when he was angry, but she couldn't just sit back and watch Garrus get killed. She had no way to calm him in the spot, but she hoped that her presence would be enough.

    “How was the meeting?” She asked.

    Saren, looked down at her, then back up at Garrus. He look as if he was planning to attack the man still, so she placed her hands on either side of his face and held it there, so that he would only be looking at her.

   “How was the meeting?” She repeated.

   “It was fine,” he sighed back.

   She stood on her toes and kissed his mandible, he seemed to like that a lot. A bit of his blood touched her lips, making them tingle.

    “Have you worked out a good strategy?” She gave him a smile.

   “Nihlus had some good ideas, but the primarch shot him down,”

   “Why'd he do that?”

    “The primarch is a strange man. I think he enjoys total war,”

  She looked back at Garrus, then at Saren, “You're going to need to calm down.” She told him.

    “I know,”

   “I want you to apologise,” she heard Garrus chuckle, “ _ both  _ of you.” She added.

   There was silence for a long time. Every second that went by felt like an hour as she stood between the two men, waiting for someone to say anything.

   She spoke instead, “I'll start. Saren, I'm sorry for making you so jealous and Garrus, I'm sorry if it feels like I'm leading you on in some way. Saren?”

   “I will not apologise to him,” he said, “He's beneath me.”

   “You apologised to me, even though you think I'm beneath you,” she said.

   “You're different, and I don't think that anymore,”

   “Saren, I'm sorry for coming on to her so strong, I know it upsets you, but today, was a misunderstanding. I should get going,”

   She decided against going back to stop him, knowing that Saren was likely to stay silent. She didn't know why she suddenly felt so disappointed in him. Had he really not changed?

   “I'll clean up this mess,” she dropped to her knees to pick up the scraps of clothes that had been dropped in the fight before cleaning up the blood.

   “I'll help,” he got down to help, but she stopped him.

   “I want to do it alone,” she told him.

   “You're angry with me?”

   She nodded and after a brief moment of silence, he got up with a sigh. She heard as the door to their room open, then close, then she proceeded to clean up the mess. She'd have to remember to call Garrus to apologise again, mainly for Saren acting so high and mighty.

   When the room was as clean as it could get, she turned to go and check on Saren. She got worried when she didn't hear anything from him in almost an hour.

    She placed the blue pill on her tongue, the swallowed it with a gulp of water. She didn't know if she planned to have sex with him, but she knew that he could use a kiss more than anything right now.

   She opened the door, watching Saren for a brief moment. He just sat there. His breathing was slowed and his hands were in his lap. She took the seat next to him.

   “You do understand that you were wrong too, right?” She grew afraid at how much she was sounding like her mother.

  “I get that, Jane, I'm just struggling. He pushes my buttons the wrong way. I don't like when he's close to you, because I know what he wants to do with you,”

   “But he never will, Saren,” she placed a light peck against his mouth plates. It hadn't been near thirty minutes yet, but if she didn't injest his saliva, she had a feeling she'd be fine.

   “I didn't like to see him holding you like that. I'm the only one who should hold you like that,”

    “I fell asleep in his arms, it was a mistake on my part,”

   “But why was he even here in the first place!” His voice was raising.

   “I invited him over,” she lied, “I get lonely when you're not here.”

    He exhaled, “Is that the truth, Jane?”

    “Yes,”

    “I'm sorry,” he said.

    “Will you apologise to Garrus too?” She asked, hopefully.

    “I'll send him a message and money to buy new clothes, but I don't want to see him for a long time. Understand?”

   “I do,”

    He pressed his mouth plates against her lips, his tongue entering her mouth. She could already feel the tingling sensation. She needed him to wait a bit longer.

   Jane pushed him back, “It hasn't been thirty minutes, yet.”

    “Why can't you just take it every morning like I asked you to,”

    “Because I don't want to have sex everyday, Saren,”

    He reached into his drawer and pulled out a condom, making her flinch. She hadn't seen that since the first day she was here, but she never expected him to use them on her.

    “Can't you just wait a while longer?”

    “Honestly, Jane, I can't,” He panted, “Please, I'll be gentle.”

  She placed a finger against his mouth plates, shaking her head, “Thirty minutes.”


	13. Chapter 13

Saren's arm was draped loosely around her waist as she lie on her side. She just laid there, and stared at the empty wall, thinking. Thinking about how she wanted nothing more than to go home and how her feelings for Saren felt wrong, feeling like she only loved him because she was stuck with him. Jane thought that the moment she got that first taste of freedom, she'd feel utter disgust towards the man, he emotions would change like someone had flicked a switch inside her.

Trying to tell herself that that wouldn't be the case, she curled up a bit and leaned in closer to Saren's body. Her thoughts shifted to Garrus. Garrus spoke openly about his erotic fantasies, some of them including her as well as other humans. Jane had made the assumption that she was nothing more than a fetish to Saren, but it appeared that she might be a fetish for Garrus. He had genuine feelings for her, she could tell, when he looked at her, it was almost the exact same as when Saren looked at her. They had this glimmer in their eyes and their demeanor changed entirely, like looking at a new person.

She placed her hand over Saren's and his fingers gently wrapped around hers. He was sleeping, she was sure of it, because whenever he slept, he'd purr a little. It was cute that he knew to hold her hand, even at a time where he couldn't even see her.

Jane really wanted to go home. Her heart began to pound when she realized, that she hadn't seen the soil of Earth in almost two years. The place where she once grew up, lived, trained, the place she called home, was nothing more than an alien colonized planet now, and the man she was sleeping with, the man she fell in love with, was one of those aliens.

Somewhere deep down inside of her, there was this hope that maybe the humans wouldn't go to war with the turians again, because then, her thoughts would no longer be filled with whether or not she'd be able to go home. She missed her friends and her family, hell, she even missed her old CO. If she had the chance to go back, she'd do so many things over again. She'd go out for a drink with her peers instead of studying, she'd sleep in instead of waking up at the crack of dawn to exercise, she'd go on a date with that boy who was always pawing for her affection. She never gave it to him, so busy with being at the top of her class, she wasn't focused on boys, but now, she wanted him more than even. She wanted that sense of normalcy.

She felt Saren's hand remove itself from hers and ease it's way up her stomach. It teased around her waist for just a moment, before lightly cupping her breast.

“Do you know what time it is?” She snapped, she wanted to yell, but she was far too tired to do so. So, she made her voice aharsh whisper instead.

“Time for me to show my mate that I love her, again,”

No matter how much she hated to admit it, she loved Saren's voice when he first woke up. Just like Garrus’, it was octaves lower, making her body rumble. She nearly swooned at the sound, but kept a cool composure.

“If you really wanted to show me that you love me, you'd let me sleep,”

“I'll be gentle,” he cooed.

“You always say that, but you never are,”

She didn't give him time to respond, pulling his arm off her breast and pulling the blankets up higher. Of course, she couldn't sleep, but she hoped that faking it would be enough to show him that she meant business. There was no way her concentration would fall on sex when all she could think about was getting home.

That morning, Saren had to leave again. Another meeting. He didn't disclose details, but apparently tension between the humans and the turians were rising. News of random turian military officials being assassinated was being broadcasted all times of day and apparently, some krogan had been seen with former higher up humans. This was the start of a war, and there was nothing she could do about it.

If what Garrus said was true, Saren would toss her out on the curb. Saren, just as well as any other turian, knew that having sex with the enemy, just plain looked bad. He'd be called out for being a traitor and she'd be tracked down and imprisoned as a spy. Jane had only heard stories of what it's like to be a prisoner of war and they weren't for the faint of heart.

She found herself pacing, she'd never paced before, but she recalled that on a lot of shows, a nervous person would pace. It just felt like the right thing to do.

Hopefully another peace treaty could be worked out before there was total war. A peace treaty where the humans get Earth back, are treated as equal, and promise to never go to war with a council species again. Something like that was only the stuff of really good dreams, the turians weren't one to hold grudges, but once you started something with them, you had to finish it. They'd leave the humans worse than when they began.

Throwing herself on the couch, she felt her legs tingle a bit. Had it been that long since she exercised that mere walking was enough to give her the familiar tingles. She groaned. Nothing was going right. Things were so good, at first. They weren't amazing, Saren and Garrus argued constantly and Nihlus bullied the both of them, but somehow, she began to perceive this as normal.

She thought it was normal to wake up to the feeling of a three hundred pound turian kissing her neck. She thought it was normal to eat Asari food for every meal of the day, to the point where she'd forgotten what human food even tasted like. She thought that having sex with her turian lover, was just as normal as having a human boyfriend. It was difficult to remind herself that it wasn't, and that the life that was going in around her, was far from normal. It was hard to even remember that she was a slave.

What would she do if the war began? Would she be able to fight? Would she be able to kill a turian? She knew where Saren kept his guns and he was more than a little close to her. He let his guard down around her. If she could managed to kill him, it would surely put a dent in the turian military forces. She quickly shoot this thought from her head. How could she think such things? She loved him, didn't she?

Jane tried to think of ways to distract herself. Watching shows, playing games on her omni-tool, nothing kept her busy for long. She wished Garrus was here again, he was always very comforting to her, and he never failed to keep her entertained, but she knew that after that fight with Saren, she probably wouldn't see him for a long time. If ever again. She wanted to call him, but with a war approaching, he probably wanted to do the same thing Nihlus was, rest up and prepare for it.

She heard the sound of the door open. She knew that if someone was able to open the door with ease, it was Saren. She didn't even bat an eyelash, her attention still on the screen.

“Jane Shepard?” She shot up when she realized that the voice she heard was not of Saren.

A human male stood in the doorway. A human male that she'd seen more than once in the hall of her training grounds. A human male that she'd battled in hand to hand combat. The human male that she'd turned down.

“Kaidan?” She mouthed.

“Jane, I don't have much time. The turian’s meeting is almost over and that beast will be here soon. Take what you can and I'll bring you to the resistance,”

“What?” was all she could think to say.

“I'm getting you out of here,” he began, “The war is starting soon, and I need some of the best on my team. And trust me Jane, with the way you were fighting back in training camp, you are the best.”

“Kaidan, I…” she couldn't think of a way to tell him that she'd fallen in love with a Turian Spectre and enjoyed her time with him.

He grabbed her wrist, “You don't have time for talking, find the valuables and let's-”

She pulled her arm away, “I want to stay.”

“What?” This time, it was all he could say in response.

“As, as a spy,” she stuttered, “The Turian here, he trusts me and I, I could get information from him. He's a higher up.”

Kaidan was silent for a moment then nodded, “That's a good idea, Jane. I'll give you an underground channel on your omni-tool. If you get anything out of him, even if it's not important, send it to me. We could really use it.”

He began typing things in her omni-tool, “So is it true? Did we really get the batarians and the krogan?”

He smirked and she felt a pounding in her chest, likely because she was feeling attracted to one of her own, “The batarians are a go, but the krogan are still on the fence about it. I think that once the war starts in a few days, they'll be on our side though.”

“But, how did you find me?”

“It wasn't easy. One of our best tech experts had tracked you from every slave home you'd been to, til they found out who you'd be sold to. Then it was just a matter of timing, it's been awhile since you've been alone, Jane,” his omni-tool beeped and he jumped, “I've got to go, meetings over.”

And with that, he was gone. The door shut behind him, but the feeling lingered. He touched her wrist and that was the first time she'd felt human skin in forever. She forgot how soft their palms were or the coolness of their hands. She felt like all she knew was the feeling of a turian.

She looked at the channel Kaidan had opened on her omni-tool, he was quick to trust, that was stupid of him. It was likely because she was a human and he assumed that every human was on their side. It had probably been awhile since he'd seen a human either, at least, until the rebellion. Questions about their hideout filled her mind. She wondered if they had human food, or if they made but with the asari version as well. She almost regretted not going with him.

Telling Saren about the channel was out of the question, but telling Kaidan anything about the turian war effort was not on her list either. She wanted to go home, and if going home meant winning a war, then so be it, but she didn't want to go against Saren's trust. Who knew what he'd do to her if he found out. She did know that he'd be hurt.

She wanted to tell Saren, she really wanted to, but Saren would probably tell his superiors and they would jump at free information over the human's tactics. Even if she told Saren not to tell anyone, it was his job to tell, the last thing she'd want is for him is to lose his job because she told him to keep a secret. He'd probably even be charged as a criminal of war.

Her omni-tool pinged.

Garrus: _Jane, I need to talk to you about something important. Is Saren home?_

She thought for a moment.

Jane: His meeting is over, he'll be here soon.

Garrus: _Ask him if you can go out, alone. Then come to my place, we need to talk._

In all of her days, she'd never heard Garrus so serious. She knew that he wanted something important, but she also knew that Saren would literally kill him if her found out he was still talking to his woman. She didn't want to risk his life, and yet, she was so intrigued by what could make Garrus act serious.

She heard the door open, this time, looking to see who it was. As she hoped, Saren was there, taking off his jacket.

“Were you lonely?” He asked with a chuckle.

“A bit,” she cleared her throat, “I was wondering if I could go out today. Alone.”

She waited for his response, “Where?”

“Just around the marketplace. Nowhere special, I just want to experience it alone,” she added emphasis on the last word.

“Do you need money,” he stroked her cheek and she shook her head.

“No, strictly window shopping today,”

“Are you sure?” He asked and she nodded again.

“I took my pill today, when I get back, we can do whatever you like,”

“You really know how to get your way, huh?” He sighed, “Three hours. No more, but less is good.”

She threw her arms around his and nuzzled into the embrace, “Thank you, Saren!”

“I'm trusting you,”

Somehow, those words hurt more than she'd expected them to.


	14. Chapter 14

    Her hands were placed firmly against her lap. Jane was nothing short of nervous. She'd never been to Garrus’ house, and she lied to Saren. He probably couldn't see through her lie because he had little understanding of humans, but what if that wasn't in the case, he knew she was lying. What if this was just a ploy? What if he was just going to burst through the door and yell at her for lying?

    Jane tried not to think of this, knowing that she was doing nothing more than worrying herself. Garrus only wanted to talk, she knew that. He wasn't going to do anything. And maybe, if it was under her three hour time period, she could rant about some stuff too.

    “Are you okay in there, Jane?” He called to her from the kitchen.

    “I’m fine,” she responded, “I've just never been to your house before.”

    He stepped out with a bit of food, “It's a mess, but I invited you over because it's important.”

    “Is it bad,” Jane grew a bit worried.

    “Yeah,” he sat down beside her, “This war is going to happen. Now, it's only a rumor, but I heard word that the humans got the krogan on their side.”

    “Really?” Her thoughts shifted to Kaidan for a moment. Could she confide in Garrus about such a serious topic?

     “I'm not high in the military ranks so, I'll probably be sent off soon. Turians tend to send their lowest ranked men out first as pawns, then they send in their higher ups. I'm probably going to die out there,”

    “You won't die,”

    “Jane,” the palm of his hand rested on her cheek and she didn't push it away, “I'll be put on the front lines. How I fight won't matter, they want me to be killed off.”

    “Is that why you invited me over?”

    “I could really use a friend, more than anything right now,”

     “When will you be sent out?”

     He sighed, “Tomorrow,”

    She didn't know what else to ask. All the things she wanted to say, formed in her throat and choked her. Looking over at her companion, a pain in her chest formed. If what he said was true, a moment like this could truly never happen again. Saren and Nihlus, didn't have the same relationship that she and Garrus did. Her feelings towards him were special, it was such a strange thing. In her mind, she knew it was love, but it felt so different than the way she loved Saren.

    “You don't have to go,” the words came out of her mouth without hesitation, she was like a faucet that'd been left on.

    “I do, I do,” he smiled at her, and it was hard not to noticed that his smile was more human than turian, “but it's okay, Jane, because no matter what happens, I'll be happy.”

    “How can you be happy at a time like this?” she protested.

    “If the turians win, I'll be happy that you get to stay close to me. If the humans win, I'll be happy that you're free, and if I were to die out there-” he slid his hand down from her cheek to her hand, “-I’ll be happy that I knew you.”

    “Garrus,” tears began to well up in her eyes, likely, from the inability to control her waves upon waves of emotion.

    “Can I kiss you?” He asked.

    Visibly startled by the question, Jane felt Garrus slowly slide his hand away, but she pulled it back quickly, “Yes, yes you can.”

    There was a slight grimace on her face. As he leaned in closer to kiss her, her thoughts only shifted to Saren. Never had Jane imagined that she'd grow up to be a liar. He would find out about this kiss someway, and he'd literally kill her. Death didn't seem to faze her that much these days, but after he got finished mutilating her corpse, he'd go straight for Garrus, just the weight of the thought of Garrus dying because of her was too much. Her hand placed itself against Garrus’ face and pushed him back.

    “No. You can't,” she corrected herself.

    He chuckled, “I knew you wouldn't want to.”

    “I’m sorry, but Saren. I like you but-”

    Almost instantly, her omni-tool pinged. A message from Saren. Her mouth went dry and her hands shook as her fingers went to open it, all the while Garrus was watching her intently.

    Saren: _Come home now._

    It hadn't nearly been three hours yet. It hadn't even been an hour, yet he was messaging her to come home. It was suspicious, she was more scared than what she wanted to let off, but instead, her level head did not falter in front of Garrus.

    “I should get going,” her voice was so monotone. It wasn't intentional, but that cryptic message made her more than a little nervous.

    “He's got a tracker on you,” Garrus stated nonchalantly.

    “What?”

    “He knew you were coming her, he put a tracker on you to get your location,”

    “I see,” She stood from her seat and walked towards the door, “I'll catch you later, Garrus.”

                 ooooOOOooo

    Somehow, in her head, Jane was more confident, but standing here at the door of the apartment, her knees buckled. A door was all that stood between her and Saren. He would he angry at her for lying to him and going to Garrus’ place. He'd be even more angry that they almost shared a kiss.

     The door opened and Saren stood in the doorway, towering over her. Her head had to tilt it's way nearly all the way back to look him in the eye. When he was intimidating like this, it was difficult to remember that they were in love. Instead, he looked like a monster, or a villain from a scary movie. Gripping the fabric of her dress so tight it would rip soon enough, her feet carried her past him and into the house.

    “Jane,” his voice sent shivers down her spine.

    “Yes, Saren,” her hardest efforts could not cover the fact that her voice was shaking.

    There was a brief long moment of silence as Saren turned on his heels. He closed the door behind him and then locked it, leaving them alone in a room together.

    Jane hadn't felt this uncomfortable around Saren since the first day that they met. When he suffed her into his car and words struggled to come out of her mouth. Times had changed since then, but here it was, a scenario just like the ones she'd found herself in almost a year ago.

    “I trusted you,”

    “I didn't mean to betray your trust. He needed me, as a friend,”

    He let out a huff, had it not been such a serious moment, her pride for him holding in his anger in such a good way would have shown, “You lied to my face.”

    “I know and I'm sorry,” Jane tried to step closer to him, but turned away from this option when the sound of his growls grew more prominent.

    “Give me one good reason why I should ever let you walk out of that door again,”

    Her mind suddenly went blank of all rational thoughts. Almost anything that came to mind, was thrown away. Deep deep down inside, he didn't have to let her go out anymore, especially after something's like this. The walls of the house were all she deserved, but these feelings aren't the one that came out.

    “I don't know,” she whispered.

    He let out a sigh, making his growling stop there. Jane took this as her chance to run to him and jump into his arms. He didn't hug back, but her grip on him tightened, hoping that this was the best way to show her love towards him.

     He cleared his throat and she took a step back, “You are to no longer leave this house alone again,” she nodded, “And if I so much catch you thinking of Garrus, I will punish you.”

    “I'm really really sorry for lying to you,” her hand rested on his chest, “but Garrus is being sent off to war tomorrow. It's starting and I was worried.”

    “What did I tell you, do you not listen?” His voice was raising.

    “I love him, Saren,”

     A firm grip found it's way around her neck. Such a sudden move had already put her at a loss for air, but now, there was no way air could get in. His hold on her was tight, not enough to kill her, but she knew that if this kept up, her body would fall to the ground and she would lose consciousness.

    Her hand wrapped itself around her wrist and tears formed in her eyes. It hurt. It hurt so much. No matter how hard she tried to beg, nothing would come out. How long did he plan to hold her, to choke her?

    When his grip on her released, her question was answered. She inhaled deeply letting her lungs fill with as much air as they needed, before her mind lost control of her body when the coughing began.

    “You will never say anything like that again, do you understand?”

    Suddenly memories washed over her of how things were when she'd first met Saren. How watching her back was a necessity because he was somewhere. Bruises littered her body from each time he'd grabbed her the wrong way. Horrible thoughts of what he'd do to her next often times took over her mind, to the point where her only thought was of Saren and what he'd do to her. Suddenly, she was back there.

    So many words tried to come out of her mouth. So many things formed, but then were forced back down. She had so much that she wanted to say, yet only one thing came out.

    “I fucking hate you,” Jane muttered.

    He merely grunted as a response, but those words wounded him. In the moment of battle, he would not show it, but it was true.

    “Hate me all you want, but you are never getting away from me,”

    “When the humans win this war, I'm leaving, and never looking back,”

    He glared down at her, “You have nowhere to go.”

    “I'm going straight to Garrus’ house,” she hissed.

    His growls began again, warning her to step back once more, but he took her by the wrist. Reaching his arm back like he was going to strike her, she instantly flinched down, waiting for the hard slap that had given her nightmares once before. This slap never came, but instead he released her wrist and put his arm back down.

    “I’m leaving out on a mission. I'll be gone with the war,”

    It took all her might to hold back the urge to ask how long he would be gone, instead, she scoffed.

    “I don't care where you go,” she spat.

    He began to growl again, but held back, “I'll probably be gone for a while. I left a credit chit for you.”

    She didn't say a thing in response and he walked away to start packing. She hadn't even noticed that Garrus wasn't the only one leaving out today. Saren was probably hoping to get the same attention from her.

    “Do you know who you'll be grouped with?” she asked.

    “I don't,”

    “Oh,”

    “Jane, I'm not going to say I'm afraid of the humans because I'm not, but I am afraid of never seeing you again, so let's not leave this on a bad note,”

    “I understand, I am sorry, but you're going to have to understand that Garrus is part of my life,”

    “And you have to understand that hearing you say you love another man upsets me,” he growled.

    “He is my friend and I care about him. I care about you too. It's not like I'm pushing you away for another man. I couldn't if I wanted to. I'm stuck with you,”

    “And if you weren't?” He shot a look towards her and her body tensed all on it's own.

    “I don't know,”

    The room was silent for a while. All the while, her eyes stayed in his armor. Blue was such a pretty color, and it was basically the only thing Saren and Garrus had in common.

    “What do I have to do to get you to love me only?”

    “Saren, I don't know,” she whispered, “I'm not good at this. I haven't been a relationship in awhile it's not like I love you any less,”

    He grasped her hand, kissing it, “I heard humans like that.”

    “I do,” she whispered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will just be a short chapter before shit hits the fan. Be prepared.


	15. Chapter 15

   As ashamed as she was to say it, she missed Saren. He filled her dreams during the night and her thoughts during the day. He of course, wasn't the only turian on her mind. Garrus was out there being used as a mere pawn, and Nihlus, who didn't even want the war, was likely fighting right alongside Saren. Her three strong turians were out there fighting against the humans, and she was here. In an average sized apartment watching the news to get her fill of the war.

    Her omni-tool pinged back to back with messaged from Kaidan, but there was no way a response could come from her. There was nothing to tell him. Anything that came out of her mouth would be a lie. She'd lied to her own kind and now she was ignoring them. Jane barely asked Saren about war plans, no matter how open he was to to telling her, instead, her moments were filled with bliss. Up until her moment of hostility with Saren, life was happy.

     She supposed Saren couldn't handle that another man was in her heart. He'd be mad even if they weren't romantic feelings, anyone would be mad if they found out their girlfriend was feeling something for someone else. No matter how hard Jane tried to convince herself that this relationship was simply platonic, her heart pounded when they got close. It was difficult to explain. It felt nothing like it did when it was with Saren, but it was just as good.

   Saren had been gone for so long. A whole month her bed was cold because he did not say beside her. A whole month and the war was still raging. No word from Garrus, but it's probably hard to message someone when you're being thrown straight into enemy fire. Not that she'd know. He was probably injured already, even with his hard plating and armor, enough bullets would pierce him eventually, just the thought made her shiver.

   The door slid open again and her entire body tensed. Saren, home so soon? That was not the case, instead, her eyes met a man of a much smaller frame. A human man that was fuming.

   “Jane,” he spat.

   “Kaidan, I-”

   “Keep your mouth shut,” he cut her off, “Did you honestly think I wouldn't find out?”

   “Wait, I can explain,”

    “I said to keep you fucking mouth shut!,” His steps were heavy and he marched towards her, his strong hand firmly grabbing her wrist, “You are a traitor. A traitor to the Earth and a traitor to the humans. Really, the turian? You're siding with them?”

    Her hair hit her face as she shook her head quickly, “No no, you don't understand.”

   “What is there to understand. You refuse to help us because there's a turian you're fucking,”

    “I love him,” she snatched her wrist back, holding it in her hand. It was surely wounded.

    “You love him?” Kaidan repeated back, his tone condensing, “If this is what you consider love, then I regret trying to go after you. You're disgusting. You're a disgrace to the humans and you loan your body to turians.”

    “Saren, loves-”

     Her sentence was cut off once more, “Saren loves you? Huh? Is that what you think? I bet you think Garrus and Nihlus love you too?”

     “Of course,” why was her voice so shaky? It sounded like any moment, tears would begin to stream from her eyes.

     “That's wrong!” He was suddenly so loud and his voice was growing hoarse, “You are nothing more that a disgusting turian lover. Humans don't want you and I know that the turians will never ever want you again.”

     She awoke in a hot sweat. There Jane sat, in the exact same place in the couch, Kaidan was nowhere to be found. Her eyes drifted down to her wrist, it had no bruises and it didn't feel like much to move. The door was still locked tight and the television still spoke of the war. Her omni-tool had so many new messages from Kaidan, none of which she answered.

     Was that truly nothing more than a dream? It felt so real at the moment, like it was actually happening. For a dream, it was strangely realistic, down to the smallest detail. The color of the couch and where it was placed, even the exact dress that hugged her body. Kaidan’s facial expressions were so realistic, especially since her contact with humans had been limited recently.

    Her body sunk back down to the couch and her breathing began to level. With a dream such as that, sleep would not come easy when night fell. Usually after nightmares, she would ease her body closer to Saren, knowing that he would protect her.

    She turned her attention to the screen. The asari was talking on and on about something that did not interest her. Even if it was about the war, unless it mentioned Saren by name, it didn't seem important. Secretly, Jane wished that the news would talk more about the casualties so a feeling of security could was over, knowing that Garrus wasn't dead, but those things were usually saved until the end of the war. Until then, her prayers were with him, Saren, and Nihlus.

     Whenever she'd heard news that someone was on the fence about the previous war, Jane told them that they were stupid. The side of the humans was the only side, but now, it was her that was in the fence, and she understood. People that she cared for were on both sides and things would turn out bad if either side won, there was nothing she could do.

    Her love for her own kind already triumphed her love for Saren. If given the choice, home would be where she chose to go. Still, thoughts of Saren would litter her mind, he would be all she could think of. Like a child, her wish was that somehow, in a magical spurt of events, the humans and the turians would make up and there would be harmony. That was a stupid thought, but a girl can dream.

    The door pinged and she went stiff. If this was anything like the last time someone as at the door, her body wouldn't be able to handle it.

   She opened it and was greeted by a turian in full body armor, helmet and all. Even though his voice was muffled, the scoff he made when he saw her was prominent.

    “Two messages, ma'am,” no matter how politely he said the words, the tone was condescending.

    “Thank you,” Jane mumbled as he stuff the data pads in her hand and marched off.

    One from Garrus and one from Nihlus, but none from Saren. Was he still angry about the fight they'd had before? Even if he was angry, could he not send her a message. Not getting anything from him made her even more nervous. What if he was hurt? Or even worse, dead? She shook the thought from her head and went to read Garrus' message first.

_Dear Jane,_

_I hate how this war is going. I don't want to kill these humans, but it's my job. One had eyes just like yours and it made me think do you. I struggled to shoot her and she took a shot a squad mate that nearly killed him. I shot her then, I made sure the shot was non fatal, but I couldn't help, but see the hurt in her eyes. I miss you Jane. I can't wait till this war is over. No matter what Saren says, you're getting in my bed, I deserve it._

_Love, Garrus._

   Hearing about the war first hand made her sick. Her stomach lurched a bit, but she tried not to vomit. It seemed so surreal up until now, but it suddenly just hit her. They are killing humans, her own people. Not every turian out there is like Garrus. Not everyone is willing to spare a human, those who weren't being mercied by Garrus, were being murdered. She opened the message from Nihlus.

_Jane,_

_Saren has been injured pretty badly. I hate having to tell you this, but his pride won't even allow him to admit that he's too hurt to fight. He keep talking about how badly he wants to see you, it's probably just the meds talking, but I told them that if they saw a human approaching the war ground, they'd kill her._

_He’ll be sent home soon, a couple of days probably. I just wanted to give you a little heads up once you get an injured turian at your door. He'll be out of commission for another month or so, so try not to let him move too much. Take care of him, Jane, he keeps saying he's sorry about something._

 

_Nihlus._

Jane found herself grimacing. All of her fears had come crashing down upon her body like a heavy weight. He had truly been injured out there. Saren, the strongest turian she knew, was hurt, and the first thing he thought of was her.

     She was still a bit jumpy after he choked her so harshly, but a hurt Saren was probably harmless. He would not hurt her. She hoped that he would apologise to her for that, despite what happened, Jane understood why he did it. Saren had quite the temper, it was something loved and hated by her. Jane was edging him on during their argument, trying to make him angry, she looked at a tiger and put her fist in its mouth. Getting hurt was bound to happen.

    Somehow, the message excited her. Saren would be home, and that'd be one less turian on the battlefield. Him getting hurt wasn't good, it was one of the last things on her list to get him back to her, but she'd take care of him. They needed this time together, this time to bond. Just the thought of it was enticing.

              ooooOOOooo

    Six whole days Jane went without Saren. Her irrational thoughts came back. He had probably been healed from his wounds in this six days and was back out in the field. She didn't want that just yet. A couple of days would be more than enough for Saren to understand that her feelings for him were pure.

    The door pinged and she answered it with too much excitement. Two turians stood behind a Saren on crutches. He was bandaged in a lot of places, especially on his leg. He had a bitter look in his eye and he stepped past hane, but barely looked at her. Without asking, her imagination would have to be enough to tell her what happened out there on the field.

   The two turian soldiers were still close behind Saren as he stepped inside. It was then that Jane noticed, both soldiers were female. Saren sat down slowly on the couch with a grunt, silence fell over for a while.

   “Can we help you with anything, sir,” one soldier said.

   “No,” Saren spat, “Just send messages to the fleet, tell them I'll be back soon.”

   “Yes, sir. Is that all, sir?” It was the other female this time.

   “That is all. Leave now.”

   “What do we do about the human,” Jane noticed that his turian had red clan markings, a generally odd color, “how do we know she isn't a spy?”

   These words made her freeze. Technically, she was a spy, but no information had been leaked from her yet and it was going to stay that way. Saren was quick to vouch for her.

   “My human is none of your business. Leave now and do not return unless I actually need you,”

   They saluted and marched off in perfect unison, leaving her alone with a Saren. He looked so angry, it made her nervous. Normally when Saren was angry, it was with her, making him want to hurt her in some way as well.

   “I'm not upset with you, Jane,” he finally said almost as if he'd read her mind, “I'm upset with myself.”

   Taking this as an opportunity, she eased herself down next to Saren, resting her head light against his arm so not to hurt him.

    “I bet you did awesome out there,” she said, “You probably looked so cool.”

    He chuckled and she was happy to have made him laugh, “No one looks cool when they're flying through the air after an explosion.”

    Jane winced at the thought but, decided against asking for more detail. If what he said was true, he was lucky to be alive, the last things she intended to do was bring up old memories.

   “You always look cool, Saren,”

   “I missed you out there. When I was shooting them, all I could think about was how they're just like you. All they want is to go home, back to Earth, but they have to get through this war first,”

   “That's a good way of explaining it,” Jane nodded slowly.

   “But despite that, I cannot let the humans win,”

   “I know,” she groaned, “Your pride won't allow you to lose.”

   “Not that. It's just that I know that the moment you get free, you'll leave me, for good,”

   “Can we make a deal?” She asked.

   “What kind of deal?”

   “No matter what happens at the end of this war, no matter who wins or loses, you and me will go to Earth together,”

   He placed his hand against her cheek, it trembled slightly, “I must warn you. In the time you've been gone from Earth, it has changed drastically.”

   “Home is home, and I want to go home with you.”

   “I do too. Although, I don't think you could handle Palaven,”

   “Some day,”

   His hand stroked up and down her thigh slowly, making her room her eyes, “Have you taken your pill?” He asked, his voice a light growl.

  “Of course not, I haven't seen you in a month!”

   “Well, if you take it now, I can wait the whole thirty minutes for you,”

   A sigh released itself from her mouth as her feet carried her to the kitchen. Opening the cabinet door and grabbing her pill bottle, she heard the faint sound of Saren moaning. It made her knees buckle a bit, he was waiting for her.

    The blue pill was placed against her tongue and it eased it's way down her throat, this time, without any water. Once she was finished, she went back to Saren, finding him already pulling off his shirt.

    “Let me do that for you,” her voice was a bit more timid and worryful then she hoped.

    “Don't treat me like a child, just because I'm injured,” he hissed at her.

    “I'm sorry,” she sighed, sitting herself next to him.

    Jane began to dig her nails into his fringe. She knew he loved this. Her nails were blunt, seeing as having long nails as a human wasn't very important. He was a growling mess just beneath her fingers. Even the light touches made him dig his hand into the fabric of the couch. Was he really this backed up?

    “I hate this waiting period,” he spoke between growls, “just you wait. You won't be able to think when I'm done with you.”

    Thirty minutes felt like thirty years. With each second that went by, the foreplay only got more and more intense. He was kissing and licking up the side of her neck, she'd pulled up her dress, letting his fingers dip in and out  of her. It was hard to believe that she wanted Saren this bad, it was so hard to avoid kissing him and jamming her tongue into his mouth.

    Her legs twitched a bit and an orgasm built up. She didn't want to release in his hand, but she  also didn't want to tell him to stop. The pleasure was far too good.

    “Right there, Jane?” He asked while hitting her special spot over and over and over again. Her head nodded in response and her fingers wrapped around his wrist, trying to slow him down a bit so that she wouldn't be forced to cum right here. This did nothing though and he continued.

    “Saren, I'm going to cum,” her voice a harsh whispered. It embarrassed her to a level she didn't know to say such a thing out loud, but it didn't faze Saren. His fingers dipped in again and this time, he held then there.

   “I didn't hear you,” he pulled them out slowly, pushing them back in again even slower. He was teasing her, “Speak up. What are you going to do?”

   “Fuck,” her back arched against this motion.

   “I'm sorry? I don't think I heard that right?”

   “I'm cumming! I'm cumming,” she called, this only made his finger work faster and harder. She felt her toes curl, surprised that this mere foreplay was enough for her.

   Her back had arched like a bow, being held in place as she convulsed lightly. The orgasm ripped through her and when it was over, she was a panting mess. Her gaze turned to Saren.

   “Has it been thirty minutes yet?” Jane questioned?

   “I think so,”

    She grabbed him by the face and pulled him closer to her. Her tongue entering his mouth. Her lips and tongue did not tingle, so she could only hope that the pill truly worked. Their tongues worked around each other's. His being long and rough and hers being soft and short. It'd been so long since they kissed, her taste was almost foreign to her. Mentally, she cursed the face that she couldn't kiss him unless she took the medicine.

    He pulled away from the kiss, attempting to stand, but only making Jane more and more nervous. How would he maneuver on his bad leg? Her hand found their way to his bare chest and she eased him back onto the couch.

    “Let me be on top. It's been awhile since we've done it that way.”

   He sighed, “I thought I told you not to treat me like a child.”

    “I'm not, it's just not best for you to be standing up right now. Let me help you Saren,”

    Her nimble fingers undid Saren's pants and pulled them down to his knees, seeing as he wasn't going to be standing soon. With one full swoop, her leg was placed over his and with a little scoot, she was straddling his hips. When all of her weight was pressed against his legs, he let out a loud groan. She pulled up from his lap quickly.

    “What's the matter?” She asked, “Am I too heavy for your legs?”

     He shook his head, taking her by the ass and easing her right back down. She could feel his bare erection against her womanhood, it was just as big as her memories told her.

    Her lips and tongue kissed and licked his neck while her hands stroked his fringe. She wiggled her hips just a bit, so she could feel where his penis was.

    Angling herself up, she placed the tip against her entrance. It twitched with anticipation, waiting for her to sit and take the entire length inside if her.

    Jane teased him now. Her fingers lightly stroking up and down the base of him, but never bring him real pleasure. With a grown he took her by the hips and slammed her down on his cock, impaling her. She let out a loud howl, the sudden pleasure of being filled being too much for her.

   Her body trembled when he began to thrust up into her. Each thrust deliciously slow, so her lower mouth could get a full taste of the ridges that covered him. The pleasure was like heaven, to the point we're she found herself drooling.

   “I've missed this, Jane,” he threw his arms around her and held her tight so that she would not squirm when the pace beneath her quickened.

    “Fuck, Saren,” her head flew back from the pleasure and her fingers dug deeper and deeper into his fringe.

    Once things settle, the pace began. Every thrust of his would be met by a slight thrust down from his hips. Her head rested in the name of his neck as she liked the soft skin more. Each thrust making her moan a little louder.

    That familiar knot formed in her stomach and again. It surprised her that another orgasm would happen again, especially since she'd only had one a while ago. It probably was because she was having sex with Saren, who gave her some of the best she'd ever had. It was so hard to last when he was deep inside if her.

    Her toes curled and her back arched against him. He'd felt this string of actions so many times that he knew exactly what to do. His talons dug into her hips and she thanked God he filed them. Then his pace quickened, to the point where the sound was bouncing of the walls.

   The orgasm ripped through her and she was spasming again, all the while, Saren continued inside her, so he could find his relief. Holding his fringe for support, her breathing was hard. After something like that, she needed a break, but Saren was still going strong.

    “Just a bit more, Jane,” he said when he noted how tied she was, “I'm almost done,”

    “Mmmk,” she moaned out, matching the pace of his thrust once more.

    She went back to licking and sucking on his neck, her fingers deep into his fringes. A sharp pain registered in her hip, meaning that he was squeezing her hip harder, meaning that he was coming.

   Bracing herself, he slammed her hips down in one final thrust, the feeling of him hot seed shooting up deep deep inside her. He had thrown his head back when he moaned, his mouth open wide for her to see inside. Sharp rows of teeth and a long blue tongue were the only things to pop out to her.

    Once he was finished he was left a panting mess. She kissed and licked his mandibles, chuckling when that made his growls start again.

    She'd have to take a bath soon. His semen was deep inside of her. She'd already made the mistake of not taking a bath after he came inside her once, and it left her with the worst burning sensation known to man. Pulling herself up from his lap, Jane placed one last kiss on his cheek.

    “I love you,” she whispered.


	16. Chapter 16

   Spending time with Saren was like a dream, an amazing dream that would not last forever. It was so different with her being the one to take care of him.  He was so sincere and kind to her, likely because he was still so upset about his injuries.

   There was so much free time for them. Sex happened often, but not wanting to hurt him, Jane made it limited. So, they talked, they had deep intimate conversations. Hearing about Saren's life was nothing short of interesting, it enticed her. The information couldn't come at her fast enough.

  “So, what'd you do after that?” excitement laced her voice.

   “Well, after that it was just a simple head shot, anyone could do it,” he bragged.

   “You make it sound cool Saren,”

   “You just romanticize war, it's not as amazing as it seems,”

   She tweaked his mandible, “You seem to like it.”

   “I truly don't,” he placed his hand against his forehead, groaning just a bit, “It appears that my medicine has set. I'm tired, Jane. I need to lie down,”

  “Already,” her hand slid down and draped over his arm.

  “I'll try not to sleep long this time,”he assured.

   For the type of pain Saren was experiencing, he needed something strong, so the doctors prescribed him the strongest thing allowed out of the hospital doors. It made him extremely tired and sluggish, but if it helped with the pain, it was something that was okay with her.

   It was obvious that Saren hated lounging around this much. He was always trying to move, always trying to convince her that he had enough strength to do something. It wasn't allowed though, and he barely struggled when he was forced to sit back down. He wouldn't fight much, in fear of hurting himself too much.

   It surprised her at how quickly he wanted to run back to the war after what'd happened to him. He could've died from how hard his body hit the ground, that's what Nihlus had told her, but shere willpower that got him out of it. Now he wanted to run straight back. It was admirable, but it was also dangerous.  It was already hard to bare the thought of him being hurt so badly, but if he went out like this, he'd surely die.

    Being out of commission during a war sucked, that was known by her better than anyone. Seeing as graduation was only a few months away, she wasn't allowed to go off into the war. Even with cities being burned to the ground and bombs being dropped on Earth's beautiful surface, her superiors told her that it was still to dangerous for them out there. No matter how much she begged and pleaded, they shot her down every time. Now, things ended up like this. She could only hope that everything would've changed had she been out out there.

    It was hard being alone. Even with Saren there, when he wasn't near her, it was just empty again. Entertaining herself was no good. Every show had been watched, rewound, then watched again. This process had been done by her so many times, that dialogue from the show came out of her mouth before it did the characters.

    Since bothering Saren was out of the question, she decided that maybe watching the show once more wasn't a bad thing. Knowing what would happen bored her, but the show hardly kept her attention. Even though they were such a large distance apart, when the vid screen was turned down to its lowest point, she could hear his little purr. The purr that he only released when he slept. It comforted her, the sound almost lulling her to sleep. Until the door open.

   Convinced she was in a dream, her mouth stayed glued shut. There he stood again, in the exact same spot as in the dream. The layout was almost the same, only this time, Saren was here. That purr was still prominent, even over the sound of her heart beat in her ears. It was difficult to wake Saren after he'd taken his medicine, what if he got to him first?

   “Jane, God, I was worried sick,” Kaidan spoke, “I haven't heard from you since I gave you the channel. Why haven't you been given updates.”

   Through gritted teeth, Jane began to lie to the man's face, “I haven't gotten anything from him.”

   “I thought that maybe he'd found out about us, but I'm glad you're ok,”

   “No, the channel's fine. I'm fine,”

    “I can only imagine what he's subjecting you to,” suddenly Kaidan was so close. He was so far away at first, but now he was here, face to face with her. When had he gotten so close? He hand traced down her face and she almost shivered, hoping the feeling would never leave. It did not, and she found herself leaning into his hand, letting the feeling sink in, “I've thought about you a lot, Jane.”

   “It has been a while,” she pushed his hand away as the small talk began again.

   “When this is over, what do you think you'll do?”

   “If the humans win, I want to go home, back to Earth,”

   “You won't have to wait long,” he whispered.

    He leaned down, and suddenly they were kissing. It was an experience that hadn't been felt in years, it was like heaven. Yet, it felt so wrong, so soft. So used to kisses the lips of turians, that now, when she finally had a human to kiss, it felt wrong. When his tongue slipped into her mouth, it was too soft and way too slippery. The odd sensation made her pull back, leaving her a panting mess.

    Then, Saren stirred in his sleep. Jane held her breath and prayed that Kaidan didn't hear it, but his  hand was already easing it's way down to his gun holster.

    “You're not alone?” He asked, his fingers gripping the gun.

    Jane thought it best not to lie, but telling him the truth would put Saren in danger, “Sort of.”

    “What do you mean, sort of? Is someone here or not?”

    “Yes, someone's here, but he's harmless, I swear,”

    “Who is is?”

    “Saren,” she said, sheepishly.

    His gun was ripped from the holster as be took slow steps closer to the door, “What's he doing?”

    “Sleeping, I think,”

    She watched as a grin formed in Kaidan's face, “Taking out Saren would really hurt their military.”

   “Yeah, but we need him to get the information,”

    “You said so yourself, he isn't giving you any info, so he's worthless,”

    Jumping up from her seat, Jane grabbed the gun into her hand, the sudden feeling of its weight and it's coolness bringing back memories.

    “I'll do it,” she whispered, hoping that maybe if Kaidan let his guard down, she could fire a non fatal blow into him.

    “You sure?” He asked, “I hope your aim is still as good as it used to be. If we miss this shot, it's over.”

    She nodded, slowly typing in the code to open the door. All the while, Kaidan looked over her. The breath on her neck made her shiver. At this rate, there would be no way to turn around and take the shot, not as long as the thought of Saren being here was on the table.

    The door eased open and she looked at the bed. Empty, but the sheets were mess, showing that Saren was indeed here. So where had he gone?

   The moment of surprise was more than enough to let Kaidan's guard down. Once he realized where Saren was supposed to be, Jane swung on her heels and aimed the gun towards him. It had to be a quick shot, quick and non fatal. The gun was aimed towards his shoulder.

   With a loud bang, Jane dropped to the ground. It was a feeling she was not ready for, a feeling that she wasn't dressed properly for. Like she'd been pushed to the ground with the force of ten people. Where had it come from? Her finger was on the trigger, but she hadn't pushed it yet. Her mind didn't even register the pain, until her shoulder was drenched in that same familiar hot liquid. Another bang and Kaidan dropped, but he wasn't even given the hospitality that she was. She noticed the red wound in between his eyes, but it was hard to see with her vision going so blurry.

   The footsteps sounded, Saren's footsteps. Saren walked with a slight limp without his crutches, the sound was recognizable. Jane knew it was his hand when he reached down to grab her wrist, likely checking for a pulse. He was contempt with the fact that her heart was still beating. He let her hand drop like it was dirty, then went to the bathroom. All the while, Jane looked Kaidan's dead body in the eye.

    “Why?” She asked, but Saren was too far to hear. Then her eyes shut. For some reason, she was suddenly so tired. She thought it was because she was dreaming, that all of this was another one of those nightmares she'd been having. When she awoke, her body would still be on the couch. No Kaidan. It would just be her and Saren, no one else. He'd be asleep and she'd be waiting patiently for her. That's all this was, a dream.

   Pain rippled through her arm so suddenly it almost surprised her. That feeling of numbness that was just there, was gone, and now it was just throbbing. Her arm felt ripping hot, and it was throbbing. Dreams didn't hurt, did they? She asked herself, hoping that maybe, she'd just gotten a really realistic one.


	17. Chapter 17

   Her shoulder felt as if a thousand needles had been stabbed through it. Her back ached from the hard surface that her body had been placed in. Her head throbbed from the commotion that had woken her up.

    Her eyes opened to the sight of loud music and chatter. Merchants littered the floor. She was in a shopping district in the citadel. Only having been here once, her memory of the place was vague, but it was there. How did she end up her though.

    The feeling of pressure on her stomach drew her attention to a data pad that lay on top of her. Inside of it was a short message. A short painful message.

_ You can't stay here anymore. _

_     Saren. _

    Jane almost let out a chuckle. Saren was playing some sort of joke on her, that had to be the case. He would never just toss her out for no reason. But there was a reason. Without an explanation, it'd looked like her and one of her human companions had attempted to kill him. He tossed her out before she could awake completely, before she could explain herself. Once Jane could do that, he'd understand that hurting him was at the bottom of her list. Hurting anyone was against what she wanted to do.

    Her eyes skimmed over the message over and over, thinking that if she read it enough, the words would change. They did not. Instead, they got more and more painful each time they registered in her mind. He'd done exactly what Garrus had said he would, he threw her out, but it was her fault. She was a spy and she was plotting against him, he honestly every right to kick her to the curb. But it still hurt like hell.

    Saren did not apply medi-gel to her wound and he did not give her any credits. The credit chit she kept on her person was gone. Still thinking that this was a joke, Jane pulled up her omni-tool, it'd been deactivated. Without her omni-tool, he couldn't keep tabs on her like he usually did, meaning that he wouldn't be able to find her.

    Jane hated the fact that Saren put a tracker on her. At the time, it made her feel like a child. Now, it a strange way, she missed it. Being here, in the middle of a shopping district, already made her heart pound, but without Saren, she thought she was losing her mind. Jane didn't know what to do. The feeling of loneliness was crushing in on her.

    How would she get home with not credits? Did he even want her to come home? Where would she go? What would she eat? Humans were such a hated species, it almost surprised her that no one had spat on her sleeping body, no one would take her in. Jane didn't know how much she needed Saren, until she was without him.

    Her knees wobbled when she stood. The sudden amount of weight probably being too much for them. She thought as she walk. She had no idea where she was going, but sitting there would just be bad news in the long run. So, her feet walked and her mind thought.

    She thought about how when Saren tossed her out, he didn't change her occupation, she was still his slave. That thought made her feel a bit hopeful that maybe the relationship could be mended. She thought about how Saren bad told her he loved her on multiple occasions, but even still, she was probably thrown out without a second thought. Of course, finding out that someone was attempting to kill you, might just make you love them alot less. But even then, it was still a misunderstanding, one that she wished she could explain.

   The whispers around her we're prominent. The whispers about a human slave with a blood soaked shoulder. The human that was barefoot in the citadel, with messy hair and tired eyes. The human that attempted to kill her owner, and was put out like a dog. It almost made her cry to think about. This was real. It wasn't another bad dream or even one of her imaginations. Jane had tried to play both sides and now, she was left on the streets.

    Jane considered what would have happened had she gone with Kaidan. Who knows what the human hideouts were like, but one they'd heard news of how Kaidan died, they likely wouldn't take her in. Even still, if she messaged him about the turian war plans, he'd still be alive. Had she not stopped talking to him all together, he wouldn't have been worried, and therefore wouldn't have come over to check on her. Saren wouldn't have stirred in his sleep and Kaidan wouldn't have went to check on the sound. The story continues and she winced at how it ended.

    She could've been more open with Saren. She could've told a while lie. Told him that a human server had gotten in contact with her and that they weren't the rebels. It wouldn't have been hard to play off a lie that they were also human slaves that just wanted to talk to someone in a similar situation as them, that wasn't far from the truth. But, she still would've had to talk to Kaidan and betray Saren. It made her head feel like it was going to explode when she thought about all of the things that could've been done differently.

    She'd almost forgotten that she was walking. When her eyes gazed up, she recognized the door. Garrus’ house. He was probably still away with the ongoing war and even if he was there, he probably didn't want to see her. He was likely tired and wanted to spend his alone time sleeping, not listening to a human sob.

   But she didn't leave. She knew that Garrus didn't want to see her. She knew that he had probably heard the news of what she'd done. All of this she knew and yet, she just stood there, her cheek pressed against the door. Too afraid to knock or ping, but not want to leave. He body eased down to the floor and she hugged her knees. Minutes felt like hours and she had no idea how long she planned to  just sit there. Until she heard someone clear their throat.

   “Listen, Jane. I want you too, but sitting outside my house is just a little creepy,”

   Her lips curled into a smile as she turned to look at the man. Garrus, “I'm sorry,” she stopped speaking when talking felt like it was going to make her burst into tears.

    “I'm not angry-” he took her by the hand and helped her stand back up, “-I just wish you would've messaged me first. I didn't know you were going to be here.”

    “I don't have an omni-tool anymore,” she whispered.

   “Another fight with Saren?” The door opened and he allowed her inside first.

   Shaking her head she spoke, “Worse.”

   Throwing herself onto the couch, Jane already felt her eyes soaking with tears, “I did something terrible,” she hiccuped, “but Saren won't understand even if I try to tell him.”

     “Well tell me then,” he rested his hand against her back.

     And so, she told him. She told him everything. About Kaidan and how her lies got him killed. About Saren and how her inability to talk to him risked his life. She told him about how even though she made a promise to Kaidan to keep in contact, she didn't tell him a thing almost costing him the war. Or about the fact that her messages to Kaidan could literally have given the turians a huge advantage. But with no idea of who to help, she isolated herself.

     Then she told him about the incident. How she was planning to turn in Kaidan, but got shot in the moments if confusion. Kaidan was killed and she was spared. Saren put her out with only a datapad.

    “I can understand why he wouldn't want to see me,” Jane said.

    “I can too,” He mumbled to himself, “Something like that is sure to go up to the primarch. I can only hope that Saren is keeping this incident to himself.”

    “What could the primarch do?”

    “Arrest you and arrest Saren for housing a spy, even without knowing. He'd also probably take information from you or Kaidan's omni-tool to get a lead on the war, but that's only a guess,”

    Without even thinking, her head nodded. All do those things were more than a little true. Saren could die if the primarch knew about what she'd done, “I wish he would've just talked to me.”

    “I do admit, putting you out in the streets like that was a dirty act. Not money and no omni-tool,”

    “I don't deserve them anyways…” her sentence trailed off and then she started a new one, “I can leave if you want me to. I'm sure if I can find some humans. They can give me a place to stay.”

    His hand traced up and down her cheek, “I've got you in my grasp and you honestly think I'm going to let you walk out that door?”

    Her cheeks flushed and she only shook her head, “Aren't you annoyed with me. Right before you had to leave I-"

    “No no no,” he cooed, “I know the circumstances aren't exact, but Saren no longer owns you technically and you're already here, so let me do you better.”

    “Is now really the time for that?”

    “Of course not, but it doesn't hurt to ask,”

    “When I'm feeling up to it, we could try, “ for some reason, her voice had a bit of hope in it.

    “Don't push yourself, Jane. Go get some rest,”

    Jane stood from the couch and noticed that Garrus hadn't gotten up with her. Was he not going to bed as well.

    “Are you staying up?” She asked.

    “No, I'll sleep on the couch, you take my bed,”

    The chivalry Garrus showed, reminded her of Saren on their first night together. He chained her to the bed and changed in front of her, only to go to sleep on the couch. Why did she view this as a fond memory?

    “Don't you want to lie in bed with me?” Jane teased, “You always talk about it, but now that you have the chance to, you're backing out.”

    “Not like that, nothing like l that. You want to rest, but if we shared a bed together, there would be no type of sleep happening. You need your sleep after such a long day, don't you?”

    Despite all he said, the words Garrus spoke were gentlemanly in way, “Yeah, thanks Garrus.”

     “Good night, Jane, I love you,”

     “Love you too.”


	18. Chapter 18

   It's always weird waking up and not being where you thought you'd fallen asleep. Everything was okay at first, Jane was in a bed, she woke up in a bed a lot, but the things around her were different. This was not Saren's minimalistic home. This was not his firm bed and thin blankets. His body was not next to her, in fact, no one was next to her. This wasn't home.

    It took many moments of confusion before it dawned on her that Saren didn't want her any more and the residence she occupied was Garrus’. When everything was settled, those feelings of guilt and sadness came back at her at full force. Saren probably still hated her, what she'd done would take more than one night to fix. He probably had already replaced her with a different human, or maybe a turian woman, who didn't have to take pills whenever he wanted to have sex with her. But most importantly, it was a woman who not betray him as she had done.

    Garrus would have to leave out again soon. He didn't state this directly because the night before was so hectic, but it was inevitable. The war still raged on, Garrus would have to leave. He was the only emotional support she could think of, he was the only thing holding it all in. The moment he stepped outside that door, she would lose it all. Tears upon tears would just released from her, but she hoped that maybe if she cried enough, it would drown her. That way, she wouldn't have to face Saren again.

    It was a dumb thought, but the idea made her chuckled, which was good. Smiling is always good. Optimism was the best way to go of course. She'd just have to find a way to get a message to Saren, without her omni-tool and without seeing him face to face. Garrus couldn't do it, Saren hated Garrus with a passion and even if she somehow managed contact with Nihlus, Saren would have told him what happened, and he would likely resent her too.

    Letting out an audible sigh, her hands traced the bedsheets. This was probably for the best. Saren was struggling to do his job properly with a human around anyways. The other turians often looked in resentment towards him, all because he kept one of her kind in his home. It startled her to think about what the others would think if they found out they'd slept together.

   “Breakfast,” She heard Garrus call. The sudden loud noise was more than enough to make her nearly jump out of her skin. How did he been know that she was awake?

    Stepping out into the kitchen, Jane was greeted by Garrus. He wore little to nothing and it made her flustered. She knew that this was likely not something he was doing to entice her in anyway, Garrus was used to living alone, this was normal to him.

    “No Asari food,” he began, slipping something into her hand, “you'll just have to deal with my cooking for a while.”

    Looking down at her palm, she saw the familiar blue pill. The tiny little thing brought back memories, this was honestly the first time she wanted to take it. But she knew that once it was swallowed, kissing Saren was still out of the question.

   Jane sat at the table, letting the pill sink down her throat, again with no liquid. Garrus merely watched her in a bit of awe, she'd gotten so used to taking that pill, that the skill just developed overtime.

    “What?” She teased, only looking at his shocked expression.

    “Nothing,” Garrus mumbled back. He turned his attention back to the stove and even though he was standing right beside her, that sense of loneliness came back.

   She began to draw little squiggles on the table with her fingertips to pass the time. It being the only thing she could think to do, other than make small talk, small talk was always terrible.

   “I miss Saren,” the words blurted out before she could stop them. It wasn't what she meant to say, she had intended to stay quiet.

   “I know,”

   “Think he found another caretaker?”

   “I wouldn't know. If he's as injured as you say he is, the primarch wouldn't let him go without one,”

   “Do you think he misses me?”

   Garrus sat the plate down in front of her, the food looked unfamiliar, “I'm not Saren, Jane, I have no idea what he's thinking or what he's doing. I'm just as confused as you are. Just eat”

   “Sorry,” she whispered, and silently began shoveling food into her mouth. The food instantly gave her a stomach ache. It hadn't been thirty minutes yet. Instead of making this complaint to Garrus, she eased the fork back down and stared at the plate, he thoughts of Saren.

   “I didn't mean to sound rude,” he finally spoke up, “I'm just stressed is all. This is a lot happening at one time.”

    Just as she thought, she was a burden on him already, “I could find somewhere else to go.”

   “No, I want you here, with me. That way, I know you're safe. The citadel isn't the best place for humans,”

   “You should be resting anyways, I'm just bothering you,”

   “I told you. It's just stress. Don't worry about it, okay?”

   “Okay,” she repeated.

    Even though he stated that she did not need to worry, it was all she did. So much of her time was spent worrying about them on the battlefield, it never crossed her that they would also have repercussions at home. Turians were like humans in a lot of ways. After a war they'd probably be stressed or tired, not wanting to move, but having to. He needed to relax before he was shipped out again, but she was here, and all she was doing was bothering him.

   “When do you leave out again?” She asked him.

    He grew silent for a moment, “The day after tomorrow.”

   “So soon?”

   “I don't get the liberty of long breaks with a war waging on out there,”

   “I wish there wasn't a war,” she protested, “I wish you didn't go out there.”

  “Where there are conflicting opinions, there is war, and war needs people to fight it,”

   “You're so casual about it,” she grumbled.

   His finger traced the back of her hand, the light touch giving her shivers up and down her spine, “I'm just as ready to get it over with as you are. I can't wait to come home with you.”

    “If the war goes as planned,” she began, “You won't even see me anymore.”

    “And why is that?”

    “Because, I'll be at home. On Earth. The minute the humans win, I'm taking the first trip their.”

    He kissed her cheek, the human way, reminding her that Garrus had such human traits. It made her wonder how he developed such a “human fetish.” Or how he got humans to have sex with him. It made her wonder what kinds of humans he was into. She'd never gain the courage to ask.

   “Well, since this might be the last time we see each other,” he motioned towards the bedroom, grabbing her hand tightly in his.

   “Seriously?” Despite the hard exterior that she was showing, her heart was about to beat out of her chest.

    “Or not. We could just cuddle or something,”

    And cuddle is what they did. Over the time, the feeling of hard turian plating was normal to her, seeing as Saren cuddled with her almost every night. Despite that, Garrus and Saren felt completely different. Saren was of course bigger, but his plates  were much more rough, sometimes scratching her. Garrus’ had a smooth feel to them, they were jagged in some places, but all and all, he was just softer.

    He hadn't spoken in a moment and his breathing was shallow, making her think that he'd probably fallen asleep. She knew the couch would be uncomfortable, so he didn't sleep well the night before.

    She looked up at his face, his eyes were closed, his mandibles twitching slightly. Taking one into her hand, he jolted awake, making the bed shake a bit. He purred as she continued to rub her fingers against it.

   “Jane, stop,” he protested.

    “I miss Saren,” Jane said, her fingers rubbing against his mandible over and over.

     “I know,” he began to push her away, but she stood her ground.

    Sticking out her tongue, she licked his mandible, making him release an audible purr, “But Saren's not here right now.”

    He nearly pounced in top of her when he heard these words. His claws ripping at her clothes like a madman, but his mouth plates lightly nibbled at her neck. It started her when this suddenly started, she silently hoped for more foreplay, but she'd left Garrus hanging for so long, it was understand.

   Helping him take the dress off, it slid down her waist, then hips, the it hit her toes, allowing her to kick it off. He ripped off his shirt, tossing the scraps across the room and focusing his attention back onto her.

   “Garrus, please,” she pleaded, “I promise you I'm not going anywhere.”

    With these words he slowed down slightly, “I know just as well as you do, you'll go back to Saren. Some way, somehow. I don't know when that'll happen, it could happen in a couple of days or a couple of minutes, either way, you are going somewhere and I plan to fuck you before that happens.”

    With flushed cheeks, she nodded her head slowly. It wasn't hard to understand where he was coming from or what he meant. Saren would come back around, eventually, and he wanted her before that.

    His hand unclasped her bra and she thanked God that he didn't rip it off as Saren had gotten accustomed to doing.

    He barely paid attention to her breast. Only lightly pawing and nibbling at them before he focused his attention on her lower areas. Crossing her fingers as he began to take them off, a sigh of relief came when they weren't ripped away. Having sex with Garrus was already a lot less stressful that with Saren.

   “I'm sorry for moving so quick,” he whispered just against her womanhood, his tongue starting to lightly lick her soft folds.

   “It's okay,” she moaned out louder than what was intended.

    He continued to lick her folds, then he started to rub his tongue against her magic button. This made her jump from the sudden burst of pleasure, but his hands firmly held her thighs down so that she would not buck away.

    The rough plating of his tongue going up and down against her clit made her whimper and bite her lip to hold back. He merely teased around her entrance though, each time she thought he'd rub his tongue inside, he merely pulled away and abused her clit. This same cycle over and over was driving her mad. She knew that his tongue was long enough to go inside of her and rub her special spot over and over.

   “Garrus, please,” Jane mewled.

   “Please?” She could see him cock and eyebrow between her legs.

    “Stick it in me!” Yet again, she was being louder than anticipated.

    “My tongue? Or this?” He rose up from between her legs and sat on his knees. In his hand was a hard, throbbing, cock. It twitched and dripped with the fluids. It was blue like Saren's, but slightly smaller. She released a hitched breath.

   “That works too,” she chuckled.

    He placed his hands on either side of her head, leaning down to his her as he dipped down and found her entrance. She used her hand to guide him inside, her toes curling when she started to feel the ridges going deeper and deeper.

    “That good?” He chuckled and she merely nodded.

    He started rocking with a slowly, almost agonizing pace. Every single ridge teased her insides and she trembled. His breath was blowing against her neck, making her hairs stand up. She opened her legs a bit more to accommodate his size, and his pace quickly.

    Her pants and moans bounced off the walls and her hands dug into the hard plating of his back, then his fringe. He growled and her legs wrapped around his waist, letting him reach deeper and deeper inside.

     The pace quickened. She was sweating. Her back was arched. With every hard thrust, she bounced against him. The bed creaked, he was moaning just against her ear, she couldn't calling out his name.

   “Garrus! Garrus!” She cried as he hit the deepest parts of her. Over and over and hit her special spots, then, the ridges would roll over them and all she could do was cry out and take it.

    The pleasure was unbearable. The feeling of him ravaging her body sent shocks up and down her spine. It was like heaven in the form of sex. The way his hips moved and his pace changed to get different reactions from her, it was admittedly skilled. She didn't have time to think about this though, her mind was foggy as that knot in her stomach formed. She knew as well as the next person that this orgasm would rip through her, but she longed for it.

    Letting her back arched and her his match his pace, she let that knot in her stomach get tighter and tighter. Tears welled up in her eyes, she'd found that this happened during intense amounts of pleasure often, as the know began to burst. That familiar wave rushed across her body, this time, harder than what she was used to.

   She convulsed beneath him, the pleasure making her temporarily lose motion control. He only continued to thrust deeper and deeper inside of her, prolonging her orgasm.

    When it calmed, she was panting. It was far from over, Garrus hadn't even finished yet, but he gave her a moment of rest. She used the back if her forearm to wipe the sweat the had built up against her for head. She didn't remember it being hot, but somehow, this was making her sweat buckets.

    “Ready?” He asked, she could feel him moving slowly in and out, “I'm almost there.”

    “I think so,” she sighed, and without a second thought, she was being pounded into the mattress again. Digging into the sheets and biting her lip couldn't stop the moans from coming out. With how hard he was fucking her, screams of pure pleasure, were inevitable.

    After only a few mere minutes of being screwed senseless, she felt Garrus stop. He growled a bit and his talons dug into her hips before he started to tremble and howl.

   It was so thick and deep inside her. And hot, it was really really hot. She couldn't help but to smile at just how much he let out for her.

   Leaning down and giving her a small peck against the lips, he flopped down onto the bed like a vegetable and pulled her into his arms. His hold was right, but not enough to force the wind out of her.

    “I love you, Jane,”

    “I love you too, Saren.”


	19. Chapter 19

   Garrus was mad at her, Saren probably hated her, and by default Nihlus would have to resent her as well. All of her turians wanted nothing to do with her, but she still loved them. She just happened to be making mistake after mistake, everything was wrong. She wanted Saren to hold her, Nihlus to talk to her, Garrus to understand her, that's all she wanted, just once more.

   In the bedroom, she could hear Garrus dressing himself in the other room. Time went by at the speed of sound and suddenly, he had to leave once more, they barely talked. It made her feel uncomfortable to be near him, such an honest mistake had made them drift so far apart.

    There was a knock at the door. She did not move, knowing that it was probably one of Garrus’ turians friends coming to pick him up to leave. Even though it was none of her business, she still listened in on the conversation.

   Two male turians, one Garrus and the other oddly familiar, talked in the living room. They were throwing words back and forth at each other, arguing. She could feel the rumble of growls resonate through the floor. With the little knowledge she had about turians, she supposed they were going to start fighting. The last thing she wanted to do was intervene on a Turian fight. It would be literal suicide, but something still forced her to peak outside the bedroom door and look.

    Blue armor and blue blood clashed against each other. Snarls and growls and snapping teeth. Claws scratching and stabbing through thick grey plating. Panting, loud panting, followed by war cries. Two turians, her two turians, were fighting.

    They both had a sidearm on them, a pistol, but neither of them used it. Instead, they used their hands and their own strength. She worried for Garrus, Saren was much much larger and more experienced, so he was undoubtedly stronger. Even still, Garrus was a strong man, even by turian standards, and Saren was still recovering from injuries.

    “Saren,” she whispered. It'd been more than a few days since she'd seen him. He looked prepared for war, so even though he was injured, he was probably be allowed on the field. He looked the same as he did the day she appeared to make an attempt in his life. He looked good.

   He shot a gaze to her. The one that he only gave when his blood was boiling and when he was getting ready to kill something, with his bare hands. Hesitantly, her feet inched her back slightly, this small distraction giving Garrus the chance to charge the man, slamming him against the wall.

    “Garrus, stop!” She shouted, her voice hoarse and cracking, “He's already hurt!”

    No response from either of the men. Just Garrus repeatedly slamming Saren's head against the wall, while Saren clawed at his face.  A constant knocking noise, it was driving her insane. Somehow, she was growing impatient, angry. She was tired of being ignored.

    With a lump in her throat and watery eyes, she screamed, her voice loud enough to teach them and more, “Why can't you just stop! Both of you! Just stop! No more! Please!”

    She kept begging and begging. Over and over. Her voice was raising in pitches. Her stained with tears. There was such a pain in her throat, she couldn't describe it. All of her pent up anger just released out of her. The hurt she felt because Saren wanted her no more. The pain she felt because she was losing those who cared about her left and right. Her sorrow because she knew that she life she was living was the one she was stuck with and she was ruining it.

   Her head snapped towards the taller man, “Saren! What are you even doing here?”

    Seeing his face made her so upset. Every bad emotion you could describe, she was feeling. Seeing how much stronger he looked after being away from her so long made her angry. Seeing the blood drip down from his face made her sad. Deep deep down inside, she missed him. She wanted to go back home to him.

    “Nothing,” he scoffed, her blood was boiling.

    “That's not an answer! Tell me the truth!”

    He pushed Garrus back, adjusting his armor. He wouldn't look her in the eye, his eyes just shifting back and forth, they never landed on her. He missed her and she missed him, but instead of jumping into his arms as she wished, she kept her strong stature.

    “You refused to listen to me! You shot me before I could explain, then you tossed me out like I was nothing!” Her eyes filled with tears, but she refused to let any fall.

   “You don't understand,” he began.

   “What do I not understand, why won't you just talk to me?”

   “I wanted to,” he took a step closer to her, “I really really wanted to.”

   “What stopped you? Did you honestly think that I tried to hurt you, to kill you?”

    “Listen,” Garrus pushed past Saren, “If you want to talk to her, you could've just asked. But what makes you think it's good to just come into my home and attack me?”

    “You slept with her,” Saren spat.

    Garrus chuckled, “It wasn't like you were fucking her.”

    “That's my mate you're talking about!” Saren's hands landed on the other man's chest, pushing him back. Even with the amount of strength Saren put into that push, Garrus barely moved.

    “You kicked her out without listening to a word she said, now suddenly she's your mate?”

    “You don't understand! None of you understand! Stay out of my business, Vakarian, and away from my mate,” Saren was yelling again.

    “Stop,” Jane butted in before things got too heated, “We can talk, all of us can talk.”

    “Well, let's talk about how Saren here suddenly wants to claim you as a mate,” Garrus snapped towards the other man.

    “You wanted her, you know you did. You took this opportunity to have sex with her, she was probably upset and not in her right mind,”

    “I promise you, Saren, she was in the right mind, and then some,”

    Jane butted in again, “No more, please. I don't want you to fight again.”

    “I had no choice in whether or not you left, Jane,” Saren sighed, taking her hand into his, “The leader of the Earth's forces was dead in my home, the higher ups had to know. It was against my will to get rid of you.”

    “You shot me, Saren,” she said sadly, putting much of her emphasis on the word shot.

    “I.. Jane, I thought you'd betrayed me. You don't understand how hurt I was after I did that,”

    “You were hurt enough to throw her out, that for sure,” Garrus’ snide remark made Saren flinch. She knew he was going to get angry again.

    She shook her head, “You took away my omni-tool, you threw me out into the streets of the citadel. There's a war going on, they already don't like humans, don't you understand what could've happened?”

    “I know, I know, we can talk about all of this at home, I'm bringing you home, Jane,”

    “Home,” she repeated blandly, going back home was what she wanted to do so bad, now, it felt so off.

    “I want you as far away from that animal as possible,” he was speaking of Garrus.

    Her eyes fell upon Garrus. The night they'd slept together, he told her something that stuck with her. He told her that they'd have to have sex quickly, because she'd run back to Saren soon. That thought was on her mind, because it was so true. Saren was always on her mind, no matter what she did. No matter what he did to her. If this was love, then she hated it.

    Not wanting to prove Garrus right, Jane made the hasty choice to speak up to Saren, “I think, I'd rather stay here, with Garrus.”

   It was quiet for a long minute. Long enough to hear Garrus clear his throat. Quiet enough to the point where you could hear the slight clinking of Saren's armor from his quickened breaths. Her eyes shifted downwards.

   “I don't think I heard that correctly,”

   “You'll be gone anyways,” she added on, “It's not like you'd notice where I was staying, I'm sure Garrus' would let me.”

   “Jane,”

   “Saren, it's for the best. I'll be fine,”

    He scoffed, then turned to face Garrus, his hands placed firmly at his sides.

   “I should be going then,” he mumbled.

   “Are you still hurt? Will you be able to fight,”

   “No, but they fleet requested me back. I can't fight, but I can lead and plan, I'm valued,” and with that, he turned to leave.

   “Saren,” she called to him, making him turn back to face her. His piercing blue eyes making her heart throb a bit, somehow she was still in love, “be safe out there.”


	20. Chapter 20

   Being in Garrus’ home alone was weird. It was a strange sensation of being in a familiar place, but everything was changed. It was like coming home to find out all of your furniture was moved around. Nothing was missing, just in a different place, it'd take a long time to get used to. Then again, she didn't know how long Garrus would tolerate her.

    She took this time to go through his personal things. Nothing too personal to the point of embarrassment, hut something to just help get to know him better. It didn't feel good to invade his privacy, but she was sure he didn't mind.

    Saren's house was less personal compared to Garrus’. Saren had no photos and barely any interior decorations. Saren said he saw no use in useless things like that, but it didn't stop Jane from complaining about how plain and bland the home looked. They talked about having Jane go out and buying things that she perceived as nice for the house, but something like that would likely never happen now.

    Beside his bed, on his nightstand, was a picture of a turian family. His family. The woman he believed to be his mother was lying in a hospital bed, but her face still had a smile on it. Her hand was intertwined with Garrus’. He looked younger, but uncomfortable next to her. It surprised her to see him in that uniform, a C-sec uniform. He'd never mentioned being in c-sec before.

    The other two turians, who she perceived to be his father and sister, stood awkwardly in the side lines. He looked a lot like his father. Grey plating and the same clan markings, his sister took after his sickly mother. Her clan markings were the usual white color.

    She switched to looking through his closet. There wasn't much there. Old turian armors, shoes, and his civvies. Her eye shifted to a small box in the corner of his closet. She pulled the box closer to her, it didn't have any weight to it, barely weighing anything at all.

    Inside was a C-sec issued pistol and his old uniform. It was neatly folded, but dusty, like it hadn't been touched in year. It mostly likely hadn't, he looked so much younger in the picture wearing it.

   A ping at the door and she was on her feet again. She didn't expect anyone to be here for Garrus, but he was popular with the ladies, some girl was sure to stop by to see if he was around.

    She chuckled at the thought as she walked to the door. In all her years alive, she promised herself she'd never fall for a womanizer’s charms, and yet here she was. Snooping through his things and trying to get to know him better, like some girl who was madly in love with him. She didn't see herself that way of course, she was just so curious.

    It surprised her to see Nihlus of all people at the door. She didn't want to see him though. He was her only turian left that she hadn't ruined a relationship with. Once he was gone, no one else would tolerate her. Her relationship with Garrus was barely holding on by a thread, her relationship with Saren had already broken, shattered and been stepped on a few good times.

    Nihlus and her didn't talk very much. At least, not as much as they did when they'd first met. After that, everything came crashing down too fast. She developed a relationship with Saren, then the war started, so Nihlus was busy.

    She didn't want to say Nihlus worked harder than Saren, but Nihlus and Saren were completely different when it came to tactics. He didn't wish to fight, so as often as possible, he'd try to talk his way out of things like that. His way with words was amazing, sometimes, he was even able to calm Saren down out of his fits.

    She opened her mouth to say that Saren was not here, but then she stopped herself. Remembering that she was not home with Saren, and Nihlus was probably here to see her.

   “Is something wrong?” That being the only thing she could think to ask.

    “A message from Saren, a credit chit, and the code to reopen your omni-tool,” he said these words so blandly. It lacked the charisma she was used to from Nihlus. Like she was talking to a completely different person, not the one she was used to.

   Then again, Nihlus got all of his information from Saren. He'd probably heard about all that happened with Jane trying to kill him, then leaving him to live with Garrus. It made her feel dirty to even think about, if that's what he was angry about, he had every right to be.

    “Why's he giving me all of this?” She questioned, just as he brushed past her into the house of Garrus.

    “Because he's an idiot,”

    She stayed silent for a moment. She wanted to apologise, for all that she'd don't wrong. She wanted to apologise to everyone. To Garrus, to Saren, to Nihlus, to Kaidan. She was ruining their lives, one of them even lost their life because of her. She was fucking up everything she touched.

    “Show me your omni-tool,” he snapped while pulling her wrist.

    She quickly opened the device on her arm and watched as he typed in a random amount of numbers and letters.

    “Is everything okay with you, Nihlus?”

     He merely glanced up at her from where he was typing on her omni-tool. Those piercing green eyes, his felt so different from hers, it made her forget that they had the same eye color. His had more of a story behind, hers felt a little bland.

    “You're a liar and a spy, I'm not sure while Saren's putting up with this shit. It's going to get him killed in the long run. You try to kill him and he kicks you out, then you get angry,” he dropped her hand, then reached into his pouch for a datapad, “Your omni-tool is back online. Send Saren a message when you're able to.”

     “Nihlus, I'm sorry,” she sighed. It scared her to see Nihlus this way. He rarely ever got angry, usually, he was the voice of reason. He was the one who calmed everyone else down. Now, he was furious with her, and all she could do was apologise. It appeared that that was the only thing she was good at, the only thing she was good for.

    “You might have Saren and Garrus wrapped around your little finger, but I'm not that easy,” he jabbed his taloned fingers into her chest. It hurt like hell, causing her to cry out a bit, “Saren bought you as a slave, yet you go against him. He bought you to do chores, yet he's treating you like some sort of goddess.”

     “I didn't ask for that,” that was technically wrong. She asked to be treated as an equal, then after that, things got out of hand.

     “Then go back to being the slave you're supposed to be. Stop throwing this little tantrum and go home. You are property, not something that is allowed to do what it wants,”

     “Nihlus,” her eyes were filled to the brim with tears. She was crying, why was she crying?  They were just words and yet, they were all true, “You defended me.”

     He clicked his tongue, “I defended what I thought was a weak human being abused by Saren. I thought you needed help, but now, I understand. You're just using him, trying to grow some Turian harem because of your little fetish for our kind. Well I refuse to be a part of it,”

     “Nihlus-”

     “Do you honestly believe that you have the right to say my name,” He cut her off, “Do you know why Saren bought you?”

     She shook her head.

     “Because he wanted someone to come home to. Not even a romantic partner. Just someone there so that he wouldn't be alone anymore. I wasn't against you two getting together, I supported it and I wasn't against him trying to become your bondmate, but this is too much.”

     “I know,”

     “Than what will you do?” He placed his hand over her shoulder. The touch felt so foreign to her now, so unreal. This man couldn't be Nihlus. It had to be someone else. The Nihlus she knew would never say such things to her, yet here he was, saying them. And they were all true.

     “I'll go home,” her voice cracked when she spoke, “I'll go home and I'll be a slave. I'll cook, I'll clean, I'll do everything.”

     “Why?” He pried, like a mother trying to reason with a child.

     “Because Saren bought me, I'm his property.”

     He turned to the door, “The code to the door is on your omni-tool. I suggest you leave within the next few hours. I wouldn't want Garrus to come home and think that there is still anything between you two.”

     And with that, he was gone. The door closed and locked behind him, leaving her in this empty room to think.

    She hated being alone with her thoughts. She hated that he had just said those things to her and left her, because now she had to think about them. She had to let them linger in the air and think about each and every word he said. It hurt her to know how true everything he said was.

    She was nothing more than a slave. She was property. She was throwing a tantrum. She was starting her own version of a turian harem. She was disrespectful. She was a liar, a spy. She was everything he said she was.

    It took her awhile before she was able to pick up the datapad with Saren's message on it. It took her even longer to read it. After that outburst from Nihlus, she was too afraid to even know what Saren was thinking of her. His words would likely be more harsh and cut her even deeper.

_ Dear Jane, _

   She sighed from only the first line of the message. Too afraid to read further, but she had to continue. She had to know more. She wanted to understand Saren, she wanted to read what he'd written to her in the middle of the war, what he risked his life to send her.

_ While I do not agree with your decision to stay at Garrus’ home, I understand it. _

_    I found that I don't do that very often. I don't understand you as well as I should. I know nothing of what the slave homes did to you or how you struggled to stay alive in those harsh situations. _

_     When I first bought you, you were thin, frail, barely alive. I saw that look in your eyes and just had to have you. You were afraid of me though. I didn't get why though, but I'm truly trying to understand you better. _

_     I hate Garrus with everything in me, but I hate seeing you upset more. I know you love him, yet I don't want to allow myself to believe it. It's like a shock through me, to know that someone like me and Garrus have somehow gotten your heart. I refuse to believe it sometimes, but it's because I lack the ability to understand. _

_     I hope to someday hold a conversation with Garrus, one that won't end up with me wanting to strangle him. If you like him, I feel as if I should too. He's close to you, though you and him share a different relationship than the one you and I do. I hope someday we can come to some sort of conclusion to this mess. _

_     I sent you a credit chit for food and anything else you may need. Spend it as you please, you know that money is not an issue with me. _

_     I hope that we can talk more when I get home. I hope you come home. _

_ Saren. _

__ Never had she hated herself as she did in this very moment. Never had she wanted to just slap herself in the face for being such and idiot. How could someone be so stupid? He could she let this happen?

     If there was a worst person in the Galaxy away, she would have won it twice by now. This relationship with Saren could not carry on. Nor could the relationship with Garrus.

     No matter how many times she reread Saren's message, she couldn't help, but to think back to Nihlus’ words. He was right. She would start to act more like property, because being anything other than the property she was meant to be warm causing her problems.


	21. Chapter 21

  Her walk back to Saren's home felt strange, almost surreal. She knew where she was going and how to get there, but her mind felt so foggy and hazy. It felt wrong, she felt wrong.

   What Nihlus had said had gotten to her, but Saren's message got to her just as much. He wanted to make things work, she didn't as well, but she knew just as much as anyone else, this wasn't working. Their relationship wasn't a good one, it was only hurting the both of them, and others at the same time.

   But going back to be his lowly slave? Could she really do that again? She knew that Saren would no longer hurt her the way he did the year before, but it wasn't about whether or not he'd hurt her. It was about freedom, the freedom she felt that she deserved. Deep down, she knew that she was far from free, she'd been bought after all, but that didn't stop her from believing that this was not a life she could live through once more.

   She loved Saren with everything in her, or at least, she thought she did. Nihlus had made her question everything, even how genuine her feelings for Saren were. Were they even real? Did she even love him? In her heart, it felt like she did, but her brain was questioning every little thing her heart did.

   It almost excited her to finally be at the door to his home, then she wouldn't have to be lost in her own thoughts again. Something, anything would take her mind from this mess she'd gotten herself into.

   The door opened with the code, just as Nihlus said it would, and she stepped inside. The air smelled of him, of Saren and all of his belongings. Living here made her get used to the smell, but now that she'd gone and come back to it, she realized just how amazing it was. She realized just how much she missed it. she realized just how much she missed Saren.

   Her night with Garrus was amazing, there was still a slight throb between her legs when she thought about it, but never once had deh considered how Saren might've felt about it. In the heat of the moment, Saren didn't even exist to her, but at the same time, he existed too much.

   Jane loved Garrus, she felt like she really did, but that night felt wrong, because all the while, she was thinking of Saren. She tried to say his name, tried to think of anything but her mate that she'd left at home, but Saren slipped out. It just showed how much she was still thinking about him, and it only hurt Garrus worse. What could she do to make it up to him other than leave his life for good? It's not like she was doing anything for it.

   She threw herself onto the couch, her cheeks a faint pink as she remembered just everything that had happened on this couch in just a little over a year. Saren stroked her back for the first time in this couch. He'd slept here during her first night in his home. They had sex for the first time on the couch. They watch the vidscreen together through all hours of the night. The couch carried a lot of memories that she'd seem to have forgotten about, memories that changed the course of her and Saren's relationship forever.

   There was a ping at the door and she grimaced. Nothing good ever came from that, and yet it kept happening.

   Taking slow, deliberate steps to the door, she looks on the monitor to see who it was. Nihlus. Standing there in his read armor, looking more than impatient. It reminded her of what happened the first day she met him, when he and Saren were leaving out for a mission together. She wondered if he remembered that day as vividly as she did.

   Nonetheless, she traced her fingers across the door panel and allowed the door to open for her. Making her come face to face with Nihlus.

   "I'm glad you took me up on what I had to say,"

   She looked down at her feet, still bare. They'd been bare the entire time, but there was nothing she could do about it, at least, until now, "I felt like I didn't have much of a choice."

   "It's better this way," he assured her, "If Saren knows that you no longer wish to be with him, things will go back to the way they were before. It'll be a lot easier on the both of you."

   "But I still love him, Nihlus, I don't think I can,"

   He angled his head away when she mentioned the word love, even he was having trouble believing that she truly felt love for him, but she had to. She had to love him. There were very few other explanations for the way she was feeling, and most weren't good.

   "Forgive me if I don't believe that. Just give it time. Send him the message and tell him that things have been broken off. Tell him that the feelings weren't real. He'll be upset, but he'll understand it,"

   She thought back to the message Saren had just sent her, the one that broke heart even farther. The one where he states that he wants to try to make things work, that he wants to try to understand her, because he felt like he did not already. Had Nihlus even read the message?

   "He wants to try to work things out between us," she stated and Nihlus let out a sigh. Was she being too complicated for him?

   "Remember what I said. Saren bought you to have someone to come home to, it didn't have to be romantic at first, but then it became romantic, and he doesn't want to change that," Nihlus sighed once more before taking off his glove, and placing his hand on her shoulder, it was warm, "Saren is a stubborn man, but he's my friend and I care about him, and if you cared about him as much as you say you do, you'd do this for him."

   She looked down at the hand on her shoulder, finding it hard to look him in the eye now, "Will he be sad?”

   "Very, but he'll get over it,"

   "When do I have to tell him?"

   "Tomorrow, at the lastest,"

   "Can't I just tell him when he gets home?”

   "No, I don't want him coming home thinking that there is still something going on between the two of you,"

   She nodded as a response, then pulled up her omnitool. What could she say to him that would mend their broken relationship, but end it at the same time. She had no idea. It's not like she wanted Saren to hate her, she still wanted to be loved by him, but that just wouldn't work.

   She thought of ways to be professional about it, ways to make it seem like it was her idea and no one else's, but she couldn't. Then she tried to think of ways to mend their broken relationship, ways to make what they already had work, yet again, she came up with nothing.

    She didn't wish to end things with Saren, she wanted them to be good again, like they were at first, but when she looked down the hall, where her and Kaidan's blood had stained the carpet, she knew that things would never be the same. He'd killed one of the humans in charge of the rebellion, he killed one of her only chances to be free. Jane thought she'd be upset, she thought she'd feel something about this, but for some reason, she felt so numb instead.

    It was like she was feeling everything, but nothing at all. After what Saren had done to her, how could she even make things work? After what she'd done to Saren, things most definitely would never work. The relationship was breaking on both sides of it and there was no way to fix it. She believed that Nihlus was right. That maybe the relationship wasn't good, that maybe she didn't love Saren as she said she did, but she was so desperately holding onto it.

    It took hours for her to finally compose a message good enough for Saren, and even then, she didn't want him to see it. She didn't want to end things, but she knew she had to. People were getting hurt, she was getting hurt and she was hurting everyone around her. It'd be better this way, she told herself, but even then she didn't believe it.

    Jane looked down at the message on her omnitool, closed her eyes, then sent it. A shiver ran down her spine as she did not know when Saren would receive it. It could have been in a couple of days or a couple of minutes. She wouldn't know until she'd gotten the message from Saren or the chance to see him face to face. With the way he was working out in the war, she had no idea how long that'd be.

xXXx

   It had been a solid six months since she'd seen Saren, a solid six months since the day she'd came home, a solid six months since she'd came home. The war still raged on outside, and from what she'd heard on the news, the humans had the advantage. There was even sly talk of a peace treaty talked up. One where the humans might be getting the Earth back as well as some other desolate planets as an apology, but that was just talk. Although, parts of her prayed to whatever got that there was that this was true.

   She grew worried about Saren thought. If the humans we're winning, that meant more and more turians were getting killed everyday, that meant that Saren could've been one of them. She worried. Garrus messaged her once a month with new news from the war zone, but he and Saren were not assigned to the same place so she couldn't get updates on him.

    Jane was nearly desperate enough to ask Nihlus for help, but she couldn't get into contact with him. No matter how many times she messaged him or called, he never answered, but he was in a war zone after all.

   Today was another slow day. She sweet, cleaned, and washed everything she could get her hands on, and now she sat with nothing to do. There was nothing else to do, but wait. Wait for something to happen and hope that she'd get news from him. The last time she didn't hear from him, he was seriously injured, now she had no idea what was happening.

   That was until she received the message. It wasn't from Saren not Nihlus, she knew that to be the case. It was from some form of medical practicer, telling her the ways to treat Saren's wound. This confirmed what she was actually afraid of, that he'd gone and gotten hurt again. This time, it had to be worse than what had happened before, because before she'd only gotten a message from Nihlus, now she got one from a high medical authority.

   Thoughts raced through her mind about what could have happened to him. It scared her to think about, just because it had to be worse than what happened to him before, and he was beaten up pretty badly last time.

   She didn't go to sleep that night or the night after, she lay awake and restless, hoping for some form of closure. Hoping that maybe he wasn't as hurt as she thought she was and that the hierarchy was just exaggerating.

    Of course, that question was answered the one morning the doorbell rang. She was a mess. Her hair was uncombed and her eyes had developed bags beneath then from the lack of sleep she was getting. Jane jumped at the sound of the door and opened it quickly. Only to be greeted by a lone Saren.

   Draped over his shoulders was a robe like piece of fabric, he walked with a bit of a limp. He kept his eyes angled downward at the ground and somehow this let her know that he'd read her message. They didn't speak to each other, he only tossed himself on the couch and stared blankly at the vidscreen.

   He didn't look very injured to her. If anything, he looked the same. She didn't know what was wrong with him, other than his limp, which the doctors said would heal on its own. It hadn't yet, but she was waiting hopefully for it.

   “Can I get you a glass of water, Saren?” She finally asked after what felt like hours of silence, he responded with a slow meaningless nod.

   Jane took this opportunity to get away from him. The amount of tension between them was palpable, she could feel it. She knew he hated her for breaking up with him and deep down she knew that it was probably her fault that he was injured.

   Jane reached into the cabinet and took out a glass, filling it with cold water, enough to satisfy Saren she believed. She took this glass back to him and attempted to hand it to his right hand, his dominant one as she remembered. He looked at the glass, them back at her, her whole body tensed.

    After the long moments of glaring, he finally took the glass from her with his left hand, she didn't ask why. He was probably still angry at her, that had to be the only reason for his strange behavior, at least that's what she told herself

   “What happened?” She asked, rocking from heel to toe while she awaited a response from him. She did not get in, instead he took another sip of the water, “Can I get you anything else?”

   He shook his head, finally answering her after the long moments where she just believed that he'd planned to ignore her. She took this as her opportunity to talk to him and explain her actions about everything she was doing.

   She took the seat next to him, he tensed, which made her tense up as well.

   “Saren,” she finally whispered, but she was not looking at him, rather she was staring off into space again.

   “What?” Saren grumbled back, his voice was rough, hoarse, and scratchy.

   “I hope you understand why I did what I did,”

   “I don't,”

   “I didn't do it to hurt you,” she reached her hand out to touch his shoulder and he pulled away as quickly as she reached for him.

   “I'm going to bed,” he grunted, then he stood from the couch and went back to his room, leaving her alone in silence.


	22. Chapter 22

  The time that Saren was at home was quiet. Quieter than ever. Normally, when they were home together, they'd be talking or ripping each other's clothes off, but now, it was just silent. They did not talk, they barely even looked each other in the eye, but she wanted so desperately to work something out with him, some semblance of normalcy.

   She'd tell him “good morning” when he woke and “good night” when he went to bed, but he never responded. He didn't look at her or touch her or speak to her. Jane knew that the ending of their relationship would hurt him, but she didn't expect it to cause him to ignore her like that. She still wanted to talk, hoping that there was still some friendship between them.

   Plus, he was constantly wearing that cloak like garment over his shoulders. The entire time he'd been there, he had never taken it off. He wore it while he walked around, he put it on directly after he showered and even while he slept. He didn't seem very injured, so it made her wonder, was the injury under his cloak? She was too afraid to ask.

   “Can I get something for you?” She asked him on a particularly quiet day. The vid screen was turned off and the Citadel wasn't filled with it's normal noises. The entire day just seemed silent, quiet. It was like they were the only two people to exist anywhere, and they weren't even talking to each other.

   He was looking at something on his omnitool. Maybe reading an article or an update one what was happening out on the field, but that meant he was paying no attention to her. Either he was doing it actively or unintentionally, he was ignoring her.

   She went to tap him on the shoulder to ask her question again, only for him to grab her by the wrist. He was using his left hand again, the grip on it was slightly weaker, but still as strong. His talons were digging in to her wrist, bringing back those distant memories she'd buried in hopes to make herself believe that Saren was a good person. Jane tried to pull away. Away from the pain and the memories, but he held tight.

   “Leave me alone,” he growled down at her, she felt like she was breaking her neck to look at him.

   She glanced around the room, then back at him again, “I apologise.” She mumbled quickly.

   “ _ You  _ were the one who wished to end things,”

   “I know that, but-” she went to touch him again, only for him to pull back once more, “-we were really close weren't we. We can still talk together and enjoy each other's company.”

   “I loved you!” Jane flinched at the past tense of the word and decided to look at her feet instead of his face, which was filled with anger.

   “I still love you,” she admitted.

    He dropped her wrist and she let it fall loosely at her side, then he turned away from her. They didn't speak, the only noise now being the sound of their breathing. Both of them were breathing heavily for some reason, one she could not understand. Maybe the heat of the moment was taking their breath away, maybe they were finally letting out all their tension through labored breaths.

   She opened her mouth to tell him that it wasn't her idea, that she didn't wish to end things, but instead, she stopped herself. Saren looked to Nihlus as a friend, she knew that, and Nihlus was just looking out for him. She knew that eventually, she'd come to that conclusion on her own, so she didn't say anything about her conversation with Nihlus. She didn't say anything at all.

   “Your doctor sent me a message,” she began, hoping for some sort of subject change, “He said that your wound needed to be cleaned twice a day and that you might not be able to-”

   “-I do it fine on my own,”

    “But, you seem alright, where are you hurt?”

     He turned around to look her in the eye, finally allowing her to see the piercing blue, “Mind your business, Jane.”

   Saren marched away from her, but she didn't allow it this time, she didn't allow him to walk away from her again. More than anything, she wished for them to talk and understand the situation better, so she didn't allow him to leave. Quickly, so that he could not swipe away from her again, she grabbed his shoulder, the one he did not allow her to touch... and felt nothing.

  He pushed he pack with his left hand, so hard that she fell and crashed onto the floor. It hurt like hell, the push being so hard enough for her to slide across the floor.

    “Saren?” She questioned, attempting to reach from him again.

   His eyes drifted away from her in a look of shame. His eyes, they were wandering, falling on everything, but her. Was he ashamed that he pushed her or ashamed because knew why he'd become so distant. He'd lost his arm. It was gone.

   “What happened out there?” Her voice was shaky and all over the place. She tired to control it, but her words were coming out all at once, she just had to know.

   No response.

   “Saren, I know you hear me,” pushing up against the floor, she stood to her feet to face him again, “Why didn't you tell me?”

   “It happened because of you,” he snapped.

   There was a sudden pang of guilt in her chest, the words he said hadn't registered in her head yet, but her heart felt them the minute they came out. She'd down that. She was the reason Saren had lost his arm. It was her fault and she knew why.

   “The message,” she spoke just beneath her breath. It was because of the message, she knew it was.

   He released a sigh, “I couldn't focus, I wasn't thinking properly, my mind was elsewhere."

   She and he both knew where elsewhere was. Elsewhere was the message she'd sent to him, the message titled  _ IMPORTANT _ in all caps. The message that read:

_ Dear Saren, _

_    Our time together has been nothing short of amazing, I appreciate everything we've built, but I also know this relationship is hurting you. It is hurting me as well. I love you, I believe I always will in some way, but I also believe that if we stay together the way we are, someone will her hurt. _

_    I don't mean to hurt you in anyway. I love you a lot. You mean so much to me, so that's why, I'd feel better if we just weren't together the way we are now. If we just stayed close, but not in this type of relationship. I believe that I'd rather be a friend or close acquaintance more than anything else. _

_    Jane _ .

    In the heat of the moment, in the quick time she wrote it, it felt right. She knew that he'd read it when he had down time, he always read her messages then, but she didn't know that he'd keep thinking about it. She didn't know that the message would stick with him whilst he was on the field, that that jumble of words would distract him. She didn't know, so she sent it, she sent it and it caused him to lose an arm.

   “I am so so sorry. I didn't want to send you that message, I really didn't,” Jane spoke, her eyes had already begun to well up with tears.

   “But it was for the best, I know. Just leave it alone,”

   “No! I really mean it! I wanted to fix thing!” She had begun to yell and she didn't know why, “Nihlus! He came to see me and he told me everything and he told me to. He said it'd be better for you, he said that it would help you. I thought it would. I thought it would make you better.

   “I was being so selfish, I didn't care about your feelings so I thought that if I just ended everything that was hurting you, it'd make it better,”

   “What exactly did Nihlus say to you?” The tone of his voice, the slight growl of it, it made her hairs stand up.

   “Nothing,” she lied. When Saren spoke like that, when he said his words with a slight growl afterwards, she feared for the person who they were about. She feared for herself as well.

    He didn't pry to get more answers from her, instead, he just kept looking down at her. When his eyes met hers, he noticed that they were showing signs of fear, she was afraid of him. His look softened and he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her into his chest.

    It was the closest she'd been to him in months, she'd forgotten how he smelled or how he felt. She'd forgotten how rough he was or how his breathing felt like slight vibrations under his chest plates. She'd forgotten how good it felt to be close to someone or anything at that.

     All of her relationships were broken, broken and on the floor. She doubted that anyone would love her anymore, she doubted that Saren would love her anymore. After all the hell that she'd put him through, she just believed that he was just going to keep throwing her away, but she also believed that she deserved it.

    The hug, or whatever it was, felt different. Saren want squeezing her as tight as he usually did and her back felt a bit empty without both of his arms. It was hard to get used to, but she knew that she had to. Now that she knew, she was hoping that they could open up to each other more. All that time they spent yelling at each other and they didn't even understand what was happening, neither of them did, the world was just moving too fast.

    “I wasn't working with Kaidan,” she spoke into his chest, his grip around her tightened, “He tried to take me away, he tried to take me to fight, but I didn't want to go, I didn't want to betray you. So I told him I would stay as a spy, that I would give him information I got from you, but I couldn't betray you like that.”

    He was silent for a minute, only holding her and inhaling the scent of her hair. He seemed to be trying to think of words, but he also seemed overwhelmed with thoughts.

    “After I shot you and Kaidan, I called Nihlus, I had nowhere else to turn. I called him and I told him what happened. He told me to give your bodies over to the hierarchy for valuable information, but I couldn't give you up as a prisoner of war. So I threw you out and hoped that you'd find some place to stay until everything could be worked out,”

    “I'm sorry,” she said.

    “I was so hurt, Jane,” Saren spoke down into her hair. These words surprised her, seeing as he wasn't one to be very open with his feelings, and yet he admitted to her how the situation made her feel. It hurt him, just as it'd hurt her, “I didn't want to shoot you, so I tried my best not to kill you. I was afraid that you were actually trying to kill me, but I couldn't bring myself to kill you.”

    She laughed, she didn't know why she laughed, but somehow her morbid sense of humour made this situation seem funny. It made her laugh hard, until she  was holding her stomach in pain as Saren held her tighter.

    “I was trying to shoot Kaidan,” Jane spoke between chuckles, “I was trying to turn on him and shoot him. I was going to betray my own kind.”

    Suddenly, the words hit her. The things she was saying while her eyes welled up with tears of sorrow, guilt, and shame. Her laughter stopped, but her tears started. She did not some, afraid that Saren would be surprised by her sudden change of mood, even she was surprised by it, she didn't know what was wrong with her.

    “I was going to betray my own kind,” she whispered, her face practically drenched in quiet tears. She did betray her own kind. She did and she just kept doing it.

    “I know Nihlus didn't just say nothing to you to change your mind, what did he really say. I deserve to know,”

   “He told me that I was a spy and a liar, and that I was bought to be a slave and that's what I should do. He told me that he defended me at first because he thought I was weak, but now he thinks I'm manipulative and that you treat me like a goddess,” she was stumbling over her words, the words that she'd repeated over and over in her head, but never spoke aloud, “He told me that you bought a slave so that you'd have someone to come home to, because you were lonely.”

    “Alright,” was all he said, but the word did not sit well with her.

    “And your arm,” she felt him tense, “How did that happen?”

   “I was distracted, I wasn't focused in you or what was happening right in front of me. I was trying to think of what you'd said to me, I was trying to think of what I'd done wrong.”

   Her hands began to grip his chest, she didn't know if it was to soothe him or to soothe herself, she just did it.

    “I just ran out without thinking, I was trying to distract myself from the distraction, my shields were down, but I didn't care. Until, the thresher maw came out. Both sides, the humans and us, turned out attentions to it, but it had friends, it called more and more about five I think. I got swept up.”

    He stopped there and she thought she understood where it was going. Jane always feared the worst when he went out there, but usually he came back. Sometimes he had a few scrapes and bruises, but he was always the same.m, never missing anything important. Now he was missing a limb, and it was her fault.

    “I don't blame you,” he said to her.

   “But you said-”

    “I know what I said,” he cut her off, “ but it was my fault. I was the one not paying attention, I was the one who wasn't thinking. You were just trying to help, you didn't know that that would happen.”

   “Will you be able to fight anymore?”

   “They're building me a prosthetic as we speak, it'll be done within the month, but I have to get used to it first,”

   “I'm sorry,” she choked out.

   “Don't be,”

xXXx

   They stayed like this for what felt like hours to her, but it was only a few minutes. He was holding her in his arm, trying to give her as much love as he could with the what he had to offer and she just squeezed him back.

    She wanted to miss him, for some reason, she didn't know, but she felt like she did. Though, now felt like a bad time, she believed it would be better to wait. She wanted to take things slowly so that she could try to mend what was broken slowly, whilst also trying to understand herself and and him as well. They were both very complicated people in a very complicated situation, something was bound to go wrong, but somehow, everything went wrong.  

   Now, she was sitting in his one arm, trying to think of something to fill the silence. She thought of nothing and instead tried to nuzzle her face closer to his chest. He would be gone again soon, probably angry at her again or out fighting when he got a fake arm, but he'd be gone and that meant she had to cherish the time she had with him. Cherish the little moments like these where she actually felt love and felt like she was giving it as well,even though that act was questionable.

   It felt good to just be held and not think about the war that raging in just outside their doors or their broken relationship that was barely fixable. There was no way to fix what had been done, she knew that, but that didn't stop her. Jane wanted to feel something, anything, even if that meant she just have to feel this false sense of love. This feeling that was not true, she needed to feel it, because she knew that she would not be able to feel something like it for a very very long time.

    When the war ends, she knew that the humans would shun her. A human who betrayed her own kind for the enemy that she'd fallen in love with. The turians most definitely would not take her in, they wouldn't even give her the time of day. So, when this is all over, if it ever ends, she knew that she'd be alone. Without anything or anyone. So, she had to feel something now, while there's still time.

    Saren began to purr. Not the usual he did when he was happy or aroused, but the one he did when he was sleeping. The small little purr in the back of his throat, the one that always made her smile because it mean that he was probably having a good dream. He fell asleep beside her, something he wouldn't do with just anyone, he fell asleep beside her because he regained his trust for her. Or at least, she hoped that's what that meant.

    Held tight in his warmth, Jane felt herself drifting off to sleep too. She wasn't tired at all, but she felt the need to get a good rest. Tomorrow will be a day filled with anarchy, she just knew it. So instead, she decided to enjoy to peace of today. That was all she had left.

    She didn't need a blanket or pillow to sleep when with him, Saren provided enough warmth and comfort for the both of them. So she just slept. Slept with nothing, but dreams of ways her life could've been better. She dreamt of that and she enjoyed it. It was the calm before the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was extremely difficult to write, just because it's building up to a lot of things. I got a lot of inspiration by reading things like Coffee and Spectres (Discontinued) and Ghost in the Machine, both are Saren stories and I highly recommend them.


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